InsaneJournal

Tweak says, "Don't fear the reaper"

for sale (vampslayer) wrote in wariscoming,
@ 2012-11-03 13:21:00

Entry tags:

buffy summers, spike

Spike & Buffy
Saturday night
Spike's place
In progress

Buffy spent the first part of the night patrolling. She was itching to find something to kill to get her aggression out, but the seal wasn't about to give that to her. She just spent the night thinking about everything that she'd been through over the past couple of months. She felt lost. She felt disconnected from her friends, even from her sister. Buffy knew she did it to herself. She kept herself apart to survive. She had to, but after Sunnydale was destroyed and all the potentials were turned into slayers she had hope. She had hope that maybe her life would be different. That maybe she could be normal. It was too much to hope for. Obviously.

It was about 2am in the morning when she arrived at Spike's door. She wasn't even sure how she got there. She had just naturally gravitated to his door. Maybe it was subconscious. Maybe she was reaching out to him. Maybe she just missed him. Either way she was there staring at his door with a stake in hand. She put the stack away in her jacket and searched the door for some kind of answer, but nothing came. She figured Spike probably knew she was standing there. He could always smell her a mile away. There was no turning back now and she found she didn't want to. She raised her hand to knock on the door and then stood back and waited.

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notbloodycasper
2012-11-05 03:28 pm UTC (link)

His lips curved up in the tiniest of smirks. "Course I remember. Not really the sort of thing you just forget." He wanted to reach out, to hold her like she was talking about, but he wasn't sure he should, so he hesitated.

"Why?" He asked after a moment, curious was to why she'd brought it up. Of course he didn't forget, that was a moment that played through his mind--and often. It was something that, given their prior agreement, he was trying to forget. Trying...and failing.

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vampslayer
2012-11-06 05:06 am UTC (link)

Buffy swallowed. She wasn't sure she should be saying any of this, but something about Spike always brought out the truth in her. She just couldn't lie to him. There was no reason to. He loved her no matter what. She'd never been loved like that before.

"I miss that," she admitted. "I wasn't lying when I told you that I loved you. I know you don't believe that I could or that I should, but I do. Being here? In this place? I just... want to be held like that again."

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notbloodycasper
2012-11-06 04:18 pm UTC (link)

Spike opened his mouth to speak, but he couldn't find the words to say and snapped his mouth shut once again. What was it about her that made every bit of resolve, no matter how strong he thought it was, just completely dissolve the instant she spoke? He couldn't say no, not really. He knew, on some level, she may be wrong. She may be confusing desire with love, and there was a big difference between the two, but that's not what she had said. She said that she wasn't lying, she said she loved him. And whether she meant it or not was irrelevant because it was what he so desperately wanted to hear and because of that desperation, he was more inclined to believe it simply because he wanted to, regardless of whether it was true or not.

"Buffy, I..." and still, he couldn't find the words. Logically, he knew he should reject her, to remind her how they weren't right for each other, no matter how much they wanted to be. But he couldn't bring himself to do it. Instead, he reached out to take her hand in his own, pulling her with him back over to the couch, dropping down onto it and tugging her to sit down with him, sliding his arms around her.

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vampslayer
2012-11-06 04:51 pm UTC (link)

Buffy wouldn't have blamed Spike if he told her to get lost. It might have been better for both of them if he did, but deep down she knew he could never say 'no' to her. Was it horrible of her to ask that of him? Buffy wasn't sure. All she knew was that in that moment she needed to be loved by someone who didn't want anything from her and who really understood her. Only one person fit that bill.

Buffy took Spike's hand in hers and followed Spike back to the couch. She sat down next to him and pulled her legs up underneath her to get comfortable before placing her head on his chest. One hand reached up to rest just under her head on his chest and she nuzzled in.

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notbloodycasper
2012-11-06 05:08 pm UTC (link)

Spike hated his complete inability to say 'no' to her. It had always been an issue, created more problems than it solved really. But it was there, and it would probably always be there, and they would always end up in this bloody cycle they couldn't seem to get out of.

Truth was, no matter what the reality of the situation was, he loved her. He loved her more than he'd ever loved anyone and she made him want to be different, to try to be a better man.

He wanted to speak up, to says something, anything, but he couldn't find the words. She was having that effect on him a lot recently. Maybe there was no need for words. Maybe it was just this.

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