"It is not the reward or notoriety of people knowing my sacrifice that I seek or even really care about. I am not a hero, I'm not really even a noble kind of person. What I lament is that in the future that awaits me when I return I will not know what I am capable of. I will still be drifting, trying desperately to find myself again. But my true issue is with the artifact that was used to erase that time. It is a very dangerous artifact that has the potential to unleash something far more dangerous than what it erased from history." Taking in a breath, Helena knew she could just let Svetlana watch the show for herself, but Helena wanted to try to explain her point of view on this. "After Christina's murder, time travel became an unhealthy obsession for me and I spent years searching for artifacts that could manipulate time. That is when I learned about Magellan's Astrolabe, which is the artifact that erased what happened to the Warehouse. Even when I was in the throes of insanity, I was afraid of that artifact. Artifacts in my world almost always come as a double-edged sword. They may be capable of doing something good, but there is almost always a downside. In the case of the Astrolabe, in order to erase an entire 24 hours from history, there is a very equal, very dangerous downside. And that is what I fear the most when I returned to my world."
Yes Helena kept speaking as though returning to her world would inevitable, but knowing the Seal and how this world worked, being sent back at some point in time was not only a possibility, it was probably close to a guarantee. Not to mention that she knew there was a future for her, so she obviously had to return home at some point so she could live through it. But hopefully if Svetlana did watch the television show, it would help her understand things more. When Svetlana said she could watch Chess, Helena gave a nod of acknowledgement. It would perhaps be something she'd take up in future, if only to better understand Svetlana and Anatoly.
Knowing that the present was all anyone ever really had, Helena knew she needed to use it. She was continuing to mourn Christina, but the visit from her ghost had been helpful in moving her through that. She needed to properly grieve Irene's loss, and she knew she needed to let go of Myka. Helena did need to stop holding herself back from living. But that was just the thing. How did she live? It was a notion that was long lost upon her, though up until the Seal had sent Myka back home, she'd thought she understood what it was to live, but now she wasn't so certain any longer.
"Now I have more of the path ahead revealed to me, but I am uncertain on how to precisely live my life. I am still finding myself, still putting myself back together. But I am a mother and a friend, and those are as good a place to start as any." And there was softening to her features again, a slight upturn of the corners of her mouth. Her pains ran deep, far deeper than she could give voice to, but as long as she kept her focus on Emily and her friends, she would somehow get through this. This was most certainly not the first time the time traveling Victorian had to adjust to a sudden left-hand turn in her path, and she was certain it wouldn't be the last. But there was a different factor in her life now that she hadn't had for so very long.