Svetlana had learned that this place had both good things and bad things and sometimes they tied into one another. The pain that happened, could also lead to self discovery and introspection. Things that could only happen here that led to self realizations on things that had happened back home, to self introspection. It was frustrating and complicated but that was life in general. Lawrence just heightened those things, brought impossible situations to you and made them a possibility and they had to be moved on from and learned from.
Even if she wanted to say it wasn't healthy to use one single person as a reason to be, to let their absence dictate if it was possible to live and learn how, well, she wasn't one to talk. She had been closed off and cold until Anatoly had entered her life. When she thought him dead, she had fallen into a place she wouldn't have come out of if he had truly been dead. Oh, she had yelled at him for it, yelled at him for making her need him in such a way, but it still was true. Without Anatoly, she didn't really live. She had thrown herself into raising the girls when he pulled away. And she didn't know how she would react if the Seal saw fit to take her husband, her daughters. It was something she knew was a very real possibility but it was too upsetting to talk about without her automatic defense of closing her emotions off again and fighting against being open to protect herself.
Yet she also knew that it wasn't healthy. She was just messed up. Lived in extremes and had never been able to find a middle ground. But she couldn't really say anything on the matter because Anatoly had helped her learn the way to live her life and not simply exist as she had before.
The admission Helena made of having the capability to be twistedly cruel wasn't really expected even though the conversation had been veering towards that direction. It just wasn't something that ever came up, though why would it? It wasn't really someone one discussed over tea and chess. Svetlana's view on people was complicated. She didn't trust them. Didn't think they ever would really care. But she also didn't believe people could be inherently cruel. Or at least she hadn't until Katya. Until Molokov. So how exactly did she address this? After all, it was a part of Helena, something that could not be changed even though she wanted it to be. It wasn't something Svetlana could understand on the cruelty issue, but she did understand the whole...wishing to change something but being unable to because it was just a part of you. Her personal distance and distrust, her need to handle everything on her own and being incapable of asking for help or showing any weakness.
"It may not be fair, but relationships are not fair. Part of them is dealing with the darker aspects, no matter what they are. But to try and hide something like that from a potential lover is also unfair. They will know, but all they will know is that they are being lied to and that will lead to fights and anger and pain. Some things we need help with, no matter what we want to believe. If you know that you can not let your guard down on that matter, know that certain conditions will bring it about, you need someone who knows and can talk to you instead of having no one and thus falling into that. It is unfair, yes, but you give and you take in a relationship. Any kind, really."
Or so Svetlana figured. It wasn't as if she ever had any relationship that wasn't familial or marital that lasted until she had shown up here. But from her observations, all relationships had the give and take. It was why she had been hurt by Darcy's seeming indifference, that she felt she always gave yet never received anything if she would even know how to... she had been confused and hurt. It was annoying.