Even with the swirling tempest of emotions within her, Helena could still listen to what Svetlana had to say. The Victorian woman did have a propensity to listen when Svetlana spoke, having learned fairly early on that the Russian woman, when she spoke, spoke with purpose and reason. This was certainly no different. Helena listened to what Svetlana was saying, and there was a deep truth in her words. She couldn't close herself off and shut down even though she really wanted to. She needed to remind herself of what Myka gave to her and what she learned from her. But that was difficult because Myka had a moral compass where Helena didn't. Helena did need someone to balance her, to keep her from going over the edge again. Could Svetlana be able to do that? It was possible, but Helena wasn't wanting to put anyone in that position. Yes it was something she needed, but she also knew it was her own fault to begin with that she'd lost herself. She'd once had a moral compass, but that had been shattered when Christina had died.
But even with that in mind, Helena didn't know if she could move on. She well knew she wasn't open to relationships, and she wasn't exactly certain she knew how to work through it. There had been opportunities presented, but she had recoiled from them. Then again it wasn't entirely her fault in such circumstances. It all traced back to her relationship with Irene. Well, it all traced back to the relationships she'd had before she'd been Bronzed, but the way her relationship had ended with Irene didn't help anything. In fact, Irene's death had only solidified that Helena shouldn't have relationships. Things only ended up being taken away from her in the end, one way or another.
"That is rather the question, really. Knowing how this place can be, I cannot continue on holding onto something that I have a very good chance of never having. I should not hold myself back if other possibilities present themselves. Yet at the same time, I am not open to any possibility. Even if Myka was here and returned my feelings, I think I would run in the opposite direction." She took a drink of her tea again and gazed down into it for some moments. Helena didn't exactly understand how she could be willing to let go of Myka and let herself move on in the event she fell for someone else that returned her affections, yet she was not open to relationships or intimacy on any level deeper than that of friendship. It was what it was, and Helena just didn't know what to do. Not that Svetlana would have a better understanding given, by her own admission, her and Anatoly were different. Even Helena herself was different than most people. She had not had a monogamous relationship before. She had not been courted. She had not even experienced loving someone who loved her back in the same way.
More than that, Helena was capable of loving more than one person at the same time. After all, she had inadvertently fallen for the blonde Russian currently there with her and she still loved Myka. Though she also knew that Svetlana was married and needed Anatoly, so Helena had never pursued anything in that regard. Someone being married didn't necessarily stop her, it was where their heart lay that did. She did still love Svetlana, but it had changed, grew into more of a best friend type of love than a romantic one. Perhaps she could do the same with her love for Myka. After all, she might not see the younger agent in this world again, and she'd promised Christina she would live her life, and she knew Myka would want the same for her. Brushing a hand through her hair, she lifted her gaze and looked at Svetlana, wondering where to even begin in getting through this. Just because she was alive didn't mean she knew how to live, and while she knew that that also applied to Svetlana, perhaps together they could find a way through this that wasn't destructive.