It wasn't that hard to tell and she knew she hadn't been the only one to see it. But people were too polite even as they got frustrated. Even when they got saddled with the extra work because the schedule had been made with him in mind though he didn't do anything, though he wasn't there. There was so much pain everywhere, but his was loudest. No one ever means to be the loud one, but it didn't just affect her because of how loud it was.
"Everyone misses people. Everyone loses people. Everyone hurts and cries and bleeds. Doesn't care. he doesn't see the damage he causes. The hurt others feel because he doesn't listen. Doesn't think and just does. Dangerous. Dangerous not like me but dangerous."
Because she was. She was dangerous. She was a weapon. A weapon with an unknown trigger though River was trying to find a way to pull the memories and secrets out. Chess had been working. It wasn't a conventional game by any stretch of the imagination. Not with what she had to say, but Anatoly was gone to his family because his family needed him and he needed them and the working all of the shifts beyond sleep was bad. She understood that. But he had also been stable in the medbay.
Maybe part of her reason for sleeping was because of the chaos. The tension. But mostly it was knowing that sleep equaled death. At least for her. Because people never got up. The images were burned in her mind even though she didn't have the information. Didn't know what they meant. Just that it was bad. Very very bad.
"....except the phrases." Because she knew that something had triggered her. She didn't know what. But something made her fight and something made her sleep. She had no control. She didn't like that. She didn't want to be dangerous. But there was no choice, not with the memory burning up her brain. She couldn't cut it out. She had tried before. So instead she just nodded some as Jacen asked if she'd like to remember. She did want to remember. She didn't understand why she couldn't right now when she remembered and felt far too much but she did want to.
Or even if she didn't, at least learn what she had before. She just had wanted to dance but now it was a far more deadly dance she did than she ever had learned before the Academy.