InsaneJournal

Tweak says, "I'm taking a chance on love."

John Watson internationally smuggles tea (imhisblogger) wrote in wariscoming,
@ 2012-10-02 20:56:00

Entry tags:

john watson

Who:John and Katherine
What:Raging
When:Tonight(9pmish)
Where: a empty lot somewhere in the city
Warning: TBA!

John didn't have the faintest how this was going to go, but he did have the vervain he was given in the pocket of his coat. He didn't have his cane, which would have made him feel a little more comfortable, but he had broken it earlier. He didn't have a replacement which was odd. Most cane users did, but John's limp was psychosomatic. He didn't think the way most cripples did. He was able to walk but it was a bit strained and stiff thanks to having been used to using it since Sherlock was taken away from him.

Sherlock.

When Sherlock died it felt like a part of him had as well. It'd been two months and thirteen days since Sherlock left him. If one included the time from home, five months and twenty six days. Since that second time he heard his best friends dying words over the phone, John Watson had barely lived. He didn't have much of a social life anymore. If it wasn't for Rose, Harry, or Florence the chances of him leaving his flat would have been dismal at best. He might have felt ashamed leaving his position down at the complex medbay open, but the fact was they had interns. He could no longer be down there as much as he liked. His last memories of that place were of Sherlock and the vacant look in his eyes as he lie dead.

Alot of his memories were of Sherlock lately, even his dreams. Even his nightmares. Sherlock somehow found a way to invade his nightmares of the war. They were far more violent then anything he'd ever experienced before. He'd wake up at all hours of the night in tears or in the midst of an anxiety attack. It was a tiring experience. He could have gotten a potion for sleeping, but how long would that last? No matter what he did every time he closed his eyes he saw his best friend die. Whether it was awake or asleep.

His friends all told him it was time to move on, time to feel better. What right did he have to do that? Sherlock Holmes was gone, alot of the reason for it invited him out for a row in a lot. That ought to be something.

Arriving at the agreed time, he looked around. He had his gun at his hip and vervain in his pocket. He could do this.

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psychobitchvamp
2012-10-03 04:50 pm UTC (link)

Katherinewas not quite sure what possessed her to give John this rather open invitation to have a...what even was this? A sparring match? A yelling match? She wasn't really sure. If she were completely honest, the first time she'd suggested it more to goad him, but tonight she had been sincere. Maybe telling her off in person and letting the guy get in a few good hits would do him some good because God knew John wasn't dealing well. Katherine knew she couldn't change what had happened, nor could she take back her part in Sherlock's end, but maybe she could help John get it all out. Though, why she wanted to help him at all was lost even on her. Wasn't this redemption thing just an act she was putting on? Lately, she wasn't so sure. The conversations she'd had weeks ago on her post about it were real. The private talks she'd had with Jacen were real. Maybe it was all somehow starting to sink in and get to her. Maybe this attempt at helping John was part of something working on a more subconscious level.

Katherine shook her head to clear her thoughts when she spotted the man of the hour stepping onto the empty lot they'd agreed to meet. Her eyes swept over him. She knew he would be prepared, she just wasn't sure what all of his precautions might be, aside from vervain. "Rules...no biting, no wood. I trust you have vervain, so you don't have to worry about me controlling you. Anything else?"

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imhisblogger
2012-10-03 07:02 pm UTC (link)

John had never wanted to hit a woman. This person standing infront of him however was no woman, to him she was no less then a monster. A vampire. That wasn't even the part that made her the monster in his eyes. No, that was what she'd done. Who she was. Lexi was a vampire and John was perfectly fine with that, Lexi had helped him. She'd helped Sherlock. This woman had been very nearly responsible directly for taking Sherlock away from him, and he'd never felt so much unbridled anger toward one individual save maybe Mycroft Holmes.

Jim Moriarty also had his hatred, but that man might never have found out so much about Sherlock if it hadn't been for the large part his brother Mycroft had played in everything. Then there was Molly and Emma. He knew he shouldn't hate Molly, it wasn't her fault but he was still uncomfortable around her anymore. Emma he hated. In the end she'd made the right decision to call him and allow him to shoot the bastard who had taken Sherlock from him but it could have been over so much sooner. If she'd just told him from the start it was possible he could have saved his best friend. He loathed her.

He'd never hated so many people before, never felt so much pure anger inside. "Rules? You think you get rules? Did Sherlock get any rules before you sold him out?" He glowered at the woman. Since Sherlock's death, John Watson barely lived. The look in his eyes was mostly just sad and angry almost constantly. There were few times he smiled anymore and when discussing Sherlock those weren't them.

"You took him away from me. You ruined everything."

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psychobitchvamp
2012-10-03 08:30 pm UTC (link)

Her eyebrows shot up as she listened to him. He had a point, but that didn't mean she fully agreed with it. "No," she answered his question with a small shake of her head, "he didn't. But I can't change that. I can't take it back. Even in a place as full of magic as Lawrence...nobody can change what happened or bring him back, John.... As harsh of a reality as it is...what's done is done."

She understood, to some extent, how he felt. It was on an entirely different level, but she'd had people taken from her before as well. However, extracting his revenge on her was not the reason she had asked him here. "But if you can't stick to the single rule in that list that was even toward you...I'm not sticking around and you aren't going to be able to stop me." She shook her head. "And honestly? Revenge isn't a path you need to run headfirst towards, John. This, whatever depression and guilt and rage that you're feeling? It's not going to be made better by you killing me..."

Katherine tipped her head slightly to look at him, a curious expression evient on her face. "Your choice, John...Keep going how you're going with the emotional build up to make yourself a ticking timebomb.... or get it all out on me, bar the stipulations of no wood and no dying."

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imhisblogger
2012-10-03 08:44 pm UTC (link)

"Don't remind me." John snapped. The misery on his face was evident. He missed Sherlock. He would have done anything in his power to keep his friend alive. Anything, and a lot in part because of Katherine he hadn't been able to do anything. He'd followed the wrong trail, he caused Sherlock a distraction they both couldn't afford, and in the end he'd cost his friends life. John blamed himself deep down. That didn't mean it felt good to yell at her. Part of him wanted to show her the pain she'd caused, and the other didn't want her to see at all. Wanted to make her suffer in silence.

"I'd find a way." He'd thought about it so many nights since he found out what she'd done. He hated that she had a point. John had killed Moriarty point blank and it hadn't made him feel any better. It hadn't brought Sherlock back. The world was cruel. He closed his eyes in attempt to get a check on his emotion and control them to some extent as he felt tears threaten.

"Nothing will make it better." He raised his gun at Katherine. He knew it wouldn't kill her, but it made him feel better. "You deserve every bit of hell for everything you've done." He pulled the trigger and shot her. His aim was that of a sharp shooter, but she was also a vampire. Who knew if she'd stand there and take it.

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psychobitchvamp
2012-10-03 10:14 pm UTC (link)

"You have to face reality, John, and your friends are going to cater to you. Even if they're not coddling you, their way of making you face it isn't going to be enough." She shook her head. "Reality sucks. And it's hard to deal with. And I realize the irony of this coming from me, of all people, nobody better at running from things they don't want to eal with than me....but I'm not sure if you've noticed or not? But this, this meeting? It's not about me." That was a bit of a realization she'd just come to herself as she spoke with him. No matter how she looked at it, this was about him. She had no premeditated ill intent, here. That wasn't something she was all that sure how to deal with, so for now, she pushed the thought away and focused on what was happening now. "It's about you." she said simply.

A gun in her face, not something that oftened worried her or even gave her pause for any reason at all. But here, people knew about her, knew her weaknesses, were friends with her enemies. There was a chance, no matter how small, that John had heard about and somehow obtained wooden bullets. But that moment's hesitation didn't stop the next words from passing her lips. "Pull the trigger, John."

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imhisblogger
2012-10-03 11:03 pm UTC (link)

Now she was trying to help him. He idea was laughable at best. His hand on his gun didn't shake, didn't waver. He was a sniper and it showed in his focus. His nerves steeled the moment he held the gun at the vampire infront of him. At first he leveled it directly at her face. It stayed there for what seemed like an eternity. "You think I have a problem killing you of all people?" John inquired icily. Sandy colored brows knit in anger.

"Don't tempt me." He said still gripping the weapon steady. Staring her down was one of the hardest things John had ever done since Sherlock was murdered. Shot over the phone. Lowering the gun from her face he pulled the trigger at her chest instead. With no hesitation. His bullets were not wood, they were not specific to vampires. John had known he was going to meet Katherine, but subconsciously he also knew he wasn't a murderer. Shooting her on the other hand was easy enough, and even made him feel a little better though he knew his bullet wouldn't kill her.

"I'm not a murderer." He managed to say as he lowered his gun slightly, it had a silencer on it. The sound it made was barely audible. It faded into the air like a ghost. His eyes were reddened and tired from trying to hold back tears.

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psychobitchvamp
2012-10-03 11:32 pm UTC (link)

"No, I don't think you would," she said honestly, shaking her head. Her words were spoken so easily, so lightly, that it nearly sounded as if she didn't even care. That was her own doing, keeping the humanity locked away, though she supposed some of it must have found a way to slip through, even if it was only just a fraction, or this meeting never would have been something she thought of a second time.

The long moment that John held the gun to her face was, quite possibly, one of the most intense moments Katherine had experienced in her time in Lawrence. When he lowered it, she'd be lying if she said she wasn't surprised. "That's why I'm here, isn't it?" she pointed out, "I'll push until it's released, John...I think maybe it's you who shouldn't tempt me."

The slight amount of cocky attitude that had accompanied the last bit of that statement was forgotten as the bullet made its impact into her. She let out a cry of pain, wincing at the feeling. Strength that surpassed human levels did not make her immune to pain and a shot that close was bound to hurt, no matter the level of strength the person on the receiving end of it possessed.

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imhisblogger
2012-10-04 09:50 am UTC (link)

John wished he could be like that. He couldn't count the number of times since Sherlock was taken from him that he wished he could just turn off his humanity. Feel nothing. Sherlock had always told him that caring was not an advantage, that his emotions would get him hurt or killed. In way they had. Since Sherlock was taken from him John was not living in the world. A part of his soul had died when his friend did. A part of him would never be the same again no matter how many vacant lot therapy meetings he had with the vampire.

Shooting her in the face was just cruel. As much as he wanted to claim he was cruel, he wasn't. He was the human part of Sherlock Holmes. Sherlock had often called him the heart. Right now that heart was broken. Twice he'd died now. John felt like a ghost at best some of the time. Only half experiencing life anymore. He was so full of anger and hatred that he didn't want to live. He didn't feel like he had a right to live. Sherlock was dead, how could he possibly live without him?

Barely a twitch at the corner of his lips was seen as the woman made that sound. The gun was a military grade weapon, but it seemed John had it a bit specialized for him. His eyes never left her , haunted as they were. "He meant everything to me."

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psychobitchvamp
2012-10-04 01:18 pm UTC (link)

Katherine kept her eyes locked on him, trying to read him. A task that was easier said than done. He was nearly entirely closed off, but she could still see traces of emotion, mostly in his eyes. Broken and barely alive. She'd seen that look more times than she could count. It was a look she had once loved seeing in people, it brought her a thrill that she could get to someone so much. She didn't feel that thrill this time.

"He was your best friend, I understand that, but how could so much of your existence be so entirely wrapped up in one person?" She didn't have the same, cocky and teasing tone that might have accompanied that question a short time ago, she was genuinely curious, trying to understand it. "You have other friends, don't you? Plenty of people that care about you. Why do you only care about one?"

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imhisblogger
2012-10-04 08:04 pm UTC (link)

"I didn't. Not then. He was my only friend and I owed him so much. You took that away." John wasn't good at dealing with change. Change only scared him anymore these days. He wanted both. He wanted his Sherlock and he wanted his new friends, but now he couldn't have that. For the first time he had friends other then Sherlock and he was afraid. He was constantly afraid of disappointing them and them leaving.

"He was always there." Sherlock had been a constant in his life, a steady thing. Even if he got left behind sometimes he knew if he just waited a while Sherlock would come back for him. Now it was impossible anymore. Sherlock wouldn't come back no matter how long John waited, but still he waited. He couldn't get Sherlock out of his head, especially not with replacement Sherlock around. Every time he tried to heal another wrench got thrown his way and John felt like he was stuck in time.

He was afraid to move on. He didn't even want to see Katherine anymore. He didn't want anything anymore. He just wanted the pain to stop, and nothing he did made that happen. He wanted to turn and walk away but he couldn't even do that. Grief weighed on him like a sack of bricks. He barely even knew who he was anymore.

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psychobitchvamp
2012-10-04 08:39 pm UTC (link)

Watching him like this, broken and dejected, full of every single emotion she ran so hard to get away from, was an incredibly hard thing for Katherine. She had a battle with herself inside her head lately over whether or not working toward redemption was worth it ot not. The sight of John in this moment made her remember why she kept it all locked away. "I could help you turn it off," she said suddenly into the silence that had wrapped around them. "But you don't want that, do you? Not really. As much as you might think you do...just to make it stop...but somewhere in there you know turning it off would just put you on the same level as me, as Moriarty..."

She shrugged her shoulders at his second comment. "Your other friends can be there just as much as he was... maybe they aren't him, but...you're the one stopping them from being able to try." She tipped her head slightly as a thought hit her. The idea had the potential to go horribly, but she would try it anyway. "What would he say, John? What would Sherlock say...if he saw you right now?"

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