Elphaba isn't the wicked witch you're looking for (tothewesternsky) wrote in wariscoming, @ 2012-09-19 19:55:00 |
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Entry tags: | elphaba |
Who: Elphaba and ghost!Nessa
What: Nessa doesn't take Elphaba's bullshit. You know, once Elphaba stops pacing and flailing around that her dead sister is here.
When: BACKDATED to Sunday
Where: Elphie's room
Warnings: Mention of Death By Wayward Farm House, glossed over mentions of things Elphie's been through in Lawrence. Otherwise just some feels.
Status: Narrative/complete
So it was a rather known fact, at least to the people that knew Elphaba, that she was prone to overreacting. While that was usually confined to flying off the handle, this time she’d become slightly unhinged when Nessa had shown up. Elphaba knew the nature of this world, had been through more experiences than she could count, a few she’d rather not remember, but this? This was a new one. And given the fact that the last time she’d had anything connected to Nessa being thrown at her had been when Lucifer had entered her dreams and messed with her? Yeah there was more flailing than usual.
There had been a period of time when Elphaba was convinced Lucifer was playing with her again. But she’d moved past that. For most of Friday and at least part of Saturday, Elphaba had been convinced she was insane, that she’d finally just snapped and should be locked away someone. Now she was getting better about it. After all, Nessa was just there being Nessa. She hadn’t disappeared at all. Elphaba wondered if Nessa watched her sleep, which was kind of creepy, but hey, it was a somewhat valid question.
But now she was finally calming down. The green skinned witch had a penchant for dramatics when her emotions got the best of her, but she was at least getting herself back under control. So she’d stopped the flailing and the pacing. She’d also stopped holding conversations with herself about how Nessa was here and why she was here. For the moment, she was quiet. And that was undoubtedly the first time she’d been quiet since Nessa had first appeared to her. At least when one didn’t count the whole being asleep thing.
Looking over at Nessa, Elphaba took a deep breath. “All right, so I’m not going insane.” Because obviously she had to say it in order to believe it. Or something. But she just didn’t know what to say. Especially after all the ranting she’d done.
Nessa really wasn’t certain on where she was. Just that Elphaba was there. And a pair of siblings and a kid named.. Kal was it? She really wasn’t paying attention to them, they had their own people to deal with. She was more interested in her sister. It was strange seeing Elphaba actually having friends. Not that she was talking to them right now. And she wondered why she had so many issues.
The past two days had been... interesting. Elphaba had barely paid attention to her, not really. Mostly she had ranted at the air and her monkeys. Elphaba and her monkeys, some things never changed. For the time, she had been content to just let her sister get it out, to see what she could learn in the things that were said. The fact that no one else saw her told her that she wasn’t here like most people. Not really. No. She was still dead by wayward farm house. So she watched and listened. She may have been considered wicked by the munchkins, obsessive in her love for Boq, the one person she thought had seen her for her and not just the chair... But beyond her blindness to that, she was observant. Especially when it came to her sister.
Once Elphaba looked over to her and spoke, Nessa waved slightly. Good. They were finally past the whole ranting and insanity thing. It was getting tiresome.
“Nice of you to realize this. So, does this mean you’re going to stop flailing around like a munchkin?”
There had been a point to her ranting and raving, not that anyone else would have known there was a point to it, but there was. Elphaba was trying to rationalize things in her mind. She just had a very strange way of going about that. Which was where the ranting, raving and pacing had come in. Elphaba always paced when she agitated or upset. Because as much as she loved her sister, Nessa’s presence here did upset her. How could it not? She had carried around so much guilt on her shoulders because of what had happened in Oz. She never should have turned her back on Nessa. If she hadn’t...Nessa might still be alive. She could have saved her. But she had failed, which was the story of her life. How many times had she tried to do good only for it blow up in her face? How many times had she tried so hard to be there for others only to have it backfire in some way?
So really, she was trying to somehow cope with the guilt she felt closing in around her and keep it from bleeding over onto Nessa. It wasn’t her sister’s fault. Elphaba had just acted in the heat of the moment. And there was the fact that she felt horrible for turning Boq into a man made out of tin, but it was all she could do to save his life. As much good as that did. Really. No good deed goes unpunished. That statement rang so true for her in Oz. Here, it was a slightly different story, but she still had plenty of things that had gone wrong.
At the comment of whether she’d stop flailing around like a munchkin, Elphaba arched an eyebrow. But she couldn’t exactly deny that she’d been flailing like a munchkin.
“For now, yes.” Because she wasn’t making any promises. “So...what now?” Because clearly Nessa had answers because there was obviously a reason she was here. Ghosts didn’t just appear for no reason, not in Lawrence. And not when said ghost wasn’t even from this world. No doubt Nessa would think she wasn’t herself because the older sister, the one who’d always taken care of Nessa, didn’t know what came next.
Elphaba not knowing what came next really was strange. Her sister always had the answers. She was always the one who was there except when she wasn’t. The one who held to her promises and who had powers that manifested when she was upset. Promises to be different that never came to be because she couldn’t be. And she used to be apologetic until... until....
Shrugging, the brunette ghost just looked to the side. She really didn’t know the exact reason she was here. Just a lesson? She was fuzzy on the details. All she knew was that people could indeed show up here but that wasn’t the case with her.
“You tell me.”
Despite the fact she didn’t have her shoes anymore, Nessa was able to walk, as she wasn’t exactly bound by the laws that had kept her unable to move back home. The tangled limbs. The chair. No. She could walk here. So she went over to one of the monkeys.
“And so you rescued more monkeys. “
Elphaba and her crusades for the Animals. These ones didn’t even have the ability to talk yet there you had it. Elphaba saving animals. And yet leaving her behind. Yes, they had argued, she knew that. She knew that there were unfair expectations on her sister because she always was the one who was there. So she looked back to her older sister.
“You rescue all these animals yet never me. Why is that? Do you actually hate me? Is that what it was?”
It was something she had wondered, mostly after Elphaba had left, after Boq had left her. That horrendible book. She had just... wanted someone to love her and yet that wasn’t an option for her. Her voice was hard, but hurt. Because Elphaba was the only one she’d ever had, really. Daddy’s girl but daddy was always busy with work and instead gave gifts. People who pitied her. And Elphaba. Yet Elphaba had let her die.
“You finally were able to get rid of me and here I am. Is that the reason for your flailing around?”
It was a little unnerving to see Nessa walk, even though Elphaba had enchanted those shoes to allow her sister to walk. But she didn’t really give much more thought to that. At the comment about rescuing monkeys, Elphaba glanced down at the floor.
“I didn’t save them so much as stole them? This world has places called zoos. They keep animals in cages and people go to watch them like they’re exhibits. Not long after I arrived here, I found a zoo. Let’s...just say I set the animals free within the city.” She glanced over at the two monkeys. “They’re names are Melena and Nessarose.” Which basically said it all.
Though as Nessa made the comment about Elphaba hating her, she looked at her sister, slightly horrified, but also knowing it was warranted. After all, she had left Nessa and it was because of her that Nessa had died.
“I never hated you, Nessa. I love you. And I did come back to save you. I just didn’t get there in time.” With that, Elphaba sunk down onto the edge of her bed, looking down at her hands as tears welled up in her eyes. She then looked back up at Nessa. “I never should have left. If I had been there, if I’d been faster, you’d still be alive.”
“....Elphaba....”
Yes, she was admonishing her sister for stealing animals. Though she was intrigued by the cages comment. Not so much because of what it entailed, that she didn’t care about one way or the other, but because that had been a lesson from Shiz. An idea from the wizard... Well hadn’t he come from another world? Hadn’t that been why he’d become the wizard? So clearly he was from this world. Strange. Besides, there were more things that were being said. Things pertinent to what she had asked. And it was obvious her sister was telling the truth.
“Oh.”
What could she say? It had made sense. Elphaba had always been there yet the one time she wasn’t, Nesa had gotten a house dropped on her. Oh, she had paid attention to the names of the monkeys as well and wasn’t really sure what to make about them. So she just went with it.
“You always do that. Put an unnecessary amount of responsibility on yourself so that you can fail. I get father added to it, but really, you didn’t need the help.”
Crossing her arms, Nessa contemplated Elphaba before moving over and sitting next to her. It was strange. They never really had a sibling relationship. Elphaba always took care of her and while Nessa had no issues in helping her sister, she never opened up and so she never got the chance. And things went the way they did.
So okay, Nessa had a point that Elphaba always put too much responsibility on herself. But it’s what Frexspar had put on her from a young age. The way he’d treated her only made her be that much more determined to do everything herself, even when she shouldn’t. And really, she didn’t like talking. She never had, still didn’t but she was marginally better about because of Elena and Galinda. But that didn’t mean any of this was easy for her. Though when Nessa mentioned Frexspar, Elphaba sucked in a breath, her back straightening ever so slightly.
“He wasn’t my father...” She looked at Nessa. “The Wizard was my father. We’re only half-sisters.” She paused a moment, her dark eyes troubled and pained. “And I think Frexspar always knew I wasn’t his daughter. He hated me. And it wasn’t just because of my magic or my skin color.” Elphaba tucked some hair behind her ear. “I didn’t know that until I ended up in this world. There’s a musical about our lives here called Wicked.” She wasn’t going to go into the whole Wizard of Oz thing, though. Elphaba managed to stop herself there for the moment to allow Nessa to digest what she’d just said.
That.. made sense. Nessa had always wondered why her father had hated Elphaba so much. And it wasn’t like their mother had been around to balance out their father’s hate or... who knew what she would have done. The younger sister had never met the woman, had no memories of her, small as they might be.
“Well that explains a lot...”
Sighing in annoyance, the brunette flopped back onto the bed and stared at the ceiling of the attic for a bit.
“Okay, so he hated you because you were a reminder that mother cheated on him and that’s somehow your fault? Seriously, Elphaba, you have to see how strange that is.”
Yes, she had accused her sister of killing their father by betraying them, of breaking his heart. But that’s because he had told her as such. Had told her that her sister’s actions did just that and he left her in charge of Munchkinland and so she tried to be the opposite of her sister.
It was strange, being able to move around so easily, to act like a younger sister and not being confined to a chair. But it had to do with being a ghost, apparently.
“What else was I supposed to think when he more or less beat it into my head every day that I was an abomination? That magic was a horrible thing and I should hide it so it didn’t disgrace him? He made me think it was my fault, believe that. Even now it’s still conditioned into me, as much as I hate to admit it.”
Well, that would be a new one for Nessa, Elphaba being so candid with herself. And oh the things she’d never given voice to. Frexspar had been truly horrible to Elphaba, but Nessa had never known. Elphaba had carried it alone, much as she’d pretty much carried everything else alone. She hadn’t wanted to trouble Nessa with those things. And more than that, she hadn’t wanted Nessa to ever get between her and Frexspar. Elphaba well knew the man’s temper and she never wanted him to have reason to turn it on Nessa, even accidentally. So Elphaba had held her silence.
“He was capable of such cruelty. And really, he didn’t help the issues I had with my appearance. The green girl that everyone was afraid of and called names. Except you. Until Galinda became my friend.” Elphaba still had those self-image issues, but they weren’t as prevalent, not as controlling as they once were.
And leave it to Elphaba to completely miss the point of what was being said to her.
“Do you ever actually listen to what people say or is it just noise to you to pick out things selectively in order to put yourself down more?”
A pointed look was given to Elphaba because they both knew that she tended to get focused on one train of thought and refused to listen and just kept ranting so that no one could get a word in edgewise.
“Because I was saying that his reasoning was stupid.” Having propped herself up on her arms, Nessa just shook her head. While she had never been witness to her father’s temper in person, she had heard him yell. So while Elphaba may have been trying to protect her, Nessa wasn’t nearly as oblivious as everyone seemed to think. She had been the one to try to soothe the issues when it was just her and her sister. Their father just forgot. He got distracted. Because she did feel bad.
“But I’m impressed. You aren’t holding everything in for once.”
And it was impressive. Because this amount of being candid was unheard of to the younger woman. At least in regards to Elphaba. She always hid her feelings.
“Does this mean you’ve stopped closing everyone out so that no one can help you?”
Elphaba looked at Nessa, opening her mouth to say something, but closed again because, really, she had selective hearing. Everyone close to her knew this. Or if they didn’t know it, they learned about it fairly shortly after getting to know her. She did have that nasty habit of continuously talking so people couldn’t get a word in edgewise. It made it easier for her to keep people at arm’s length. Most of the time people would just give up and walk away and not bother. Except for when she’d met Galinda and her friends here.
Even if Frexspar’s reasoning had been stupid, it still didn’t exactly help change Elphaba’s mentality on the matter currently. The longer she was here, the more that did change, but it was a slow process.
“Sometimes. I still try to close people out, but Elena never lets me. Same with Galinda, when she was here.” There was a heavy note of sadness to her voice when she mentioned Galinda. Because she was still mourning the Seal taking her back. “Well, except during the time Moriarty was blackmailing me to help protect him.” That was one time where she didn’t have any choice in letting someone in to help her. If she did, they would have died. “I tried not to care about people, but I do care. I care more than I sometimes show or even admit to.”
Nessa wanted to curse the blond witch’s name. After all, it was because of her that Boq couldn’t love her. But then again, Boq was the one who had given her the false hope. If he had just been honest with her at the Ozdust ballroom... but it was too late for that. But she also couldn’t hate Galinda... Glinda, whatever she went by, because she had befriended Elphaba when no one else would. And Nessa had done her best to keep up with her sister while at Shiz, but class schedules and Morrible taking it upon herself to watch after the wheelchair bound girl, and wanting some sort of independence, Nessa had to wonder if she had missed some opportunities.... yet she had been the one to tell Elphaba to give the pinkified witch a chance.
“At least you have people who won’t put up with that. Because really, half your problems could be solved if you actually let people in or even bothered to talk about what was upsetting you.”
That earned her sister a glare. Because really, Nessa had always been there, she could have listened at the very least, but no. Elphaba just had to deal with it all on her own. Yes, old habits died hard and yes, their father hadn’t helped any. But the fact remained that Elphaba could have saved herself a lot of grief if she let the people who wanted to help to do just that.
“So... how does this place even work? You said that Galinda was here... though last I heard, she went by Glinda.”
Well yes, maybe things would have been different if Elphaba had just opened up about things and let people in. Or at least had let Nessa in because before Shiz, Nessa had been the only person that was there for the green-skinned witch. But she’d chosen to hide everything behind books. Because books had never hurt her and they would never lie to her. They also allowed her to escape from the reality that she didn’t want any part of. At least now, she had friends, allowed people in, even if some she cared about got sent back home.
“Better late than never?” Which was about the only response she had. After all, she knew talking was something that could help now. For so long she’d just taken it upon herself to do everything because she had to be strong. She couldn’t let anyone know how truly lonely and broken she’d been from the childhood she’d had. Would things have been different if their mother had lived? Who really knew? Elphaba felt Frexspar would’ve always hated her no matter what and taken it out on her.
When Nessa asked how this place went, Elphaba looked at her sister. “Basically there’s a Seal that supposedly kept an evil locked up. When it was broken, it apparently started pulling people here from other worlds. It can pull people from any time or place. When Galinda was brought here, she was from right after the time I stood up to the Wizard and fled the Emerald City originally. When I showed up here, it was right after you had died, and I realized it had been a trap set to capture me. I blamed Galinda for setting it up, but it wasn’t her that did it. Fiyero defended me, allowing me to escape again. I thought he was dead though I cast a spell I hoped would save him. But even so, I gave in to being wicked in that moment.” There was a sad little smile that crossed her face briefly. “Shows you how strong I am. I fully accepted and embraced being the wicked witch everyone believed I was because the Wizard and Madame Morrible said as much.”
Though she’d side-tracked from the answer to Nessa’s question. “The Seal can also make other things happen. I’ve been sent five years into the future in this world. I’ve been sent into an alternate version of Oz. So really, anything can happen at any given time in this place.”
Ness truly did believe that things would have been better for her sister if she had bothered to open up but there really wasn’t much she could do about that now. At least she had learned her lesson. The trick was ensuring she kept at it. Not like she could do much to ensure it happened. It wasn’t as if she was going to be there forever. Whatever her purpose, Nessa could tell she wasn’t meant to be here for real, especially as she learned more of this place.
Listening to what Elphaba said about the timeline thing, Nessa just nodded. Really, what else was she supposed to do? There wasn’t much to do beyond listen. It was a lot to take in, after all, she didn’t know about what had happened, not really. She knew the propaganda spread across Oz and it had seemed believable. Elphaba and her crusades. Though she definitely was caught off guard when she heard about Fiyero. Hadn’t he been with...
“....okay. Since when were you and Fiyero? I mean, I thought he was with...”
Looking at Elphaba in complete shock, Nessa just blinked. Because really. How had her sister gone from awkward bookworm with no social graces to getting the attention of the Winkie prince and managing to steal him away from the most popular girl at Shiz who became Glinda the Good? She was more hung up on that than the last bit. Subconsciously, yes, she heard and thus had a better understanding for why she was there.
But Elphaba stealing Fiyero from Glinda was far more shocking to her.
Of course Nessa would ask about Fiyero. Elphaba was a bit bitter on the topic given the things that had happened with Fiyero when he’d been here in Lawrence, but Elphaba took a breath and put those feelings aside. Momentarily.
“I’d fallen for him at Shiz. And really, I couldn’t begin to tell you why he fell for me. Or even when he fell for me. All I know is that when I returned to the Emerald City to see the Wizard, I encountered Galinda and Fiyero there and he left her and came with me. Really, I don’t know why he chose me over Galinda. I mean really, she’s the pretty and popular one. I’m just the beautifully tragic one.”
Yes things may have been different if Elphaba had just opened up and talked to someone, but she’d learned young that expressing things didn’t get her anywhere. Most people hadn’t wanted to listen. Most people tended to either hate her or be afraid of her.
“Though I have to wonder why I even fell for him initially. He’s a brainless moron that did nothing except break Galinda’s heart over and over again. Even when he was here, he didn’t learn and kept leading her on. I wanted to kill him.” The tone of her voice as she spoke undoubtedly gave away some of the feelings she had for Galinda, though she didn’t notice. She was too focused on Fiyero being an idiot than watching how she said things.
Well, it wasn’t as if Nessa knew about what had happened in Lawrence when Fiyero was around, so of course she would ask. Because it seemed so... out of the realm of possibility for Elphaba to fall for someone like Fiyero that it definitely warranted more information. So, while her sister explained things for her, Nessa remained silent. Because normal people didn’t steamroll conversations and never let someone get a word in edgewise. That, and sometimes, there was a lot that could be learned just from listening.
Such as how her sister felt for Galinda. Okay, what was so special about the blond? Yes, she was nice, and yes Nessa had been the one who told Elphaba to give her a chance but really?
“And when was it you fell for Glinda?”
Because Nessa was straight to the point, much like her sister. She just didn’t feel the need to rant and rave about whatever her opinion was.
Rambling was Elphaba’s specialty, really. People asked one simple question, and they’d get an answer that took five minutes for Elphaba to say. But there was a difference between simply rambling, and explaining herself. She’d never been open with Nessa before, not to anything even remotely nearing this extent. Really, Elena and Galinda were the only ones who’d really gotten her to open up before, most of the time by force, but whatever worked.
When Nessa asked the pointed question about Galinda, Elphaba glanced at her sister silently for a moment, but shrugged one shoulder. “I honestly don’t know. I realized it so gradually. Maybe I fell for her in Oz and didn’t realize it, maybe not until I was in this place. It doesn’t really matter though. She’s not here anymore.”
Which really hurt, actually. Elphaba stood up and started pacing a bit, taking some ends of her hair and playing with them. She tried so hard to hide her sadness, and she was still struggling to keep it under the surface. And yes, she still had love issues. Well, Elphaba was a walking bundle of issues about everything, really.
Hearing that Elphaba didn’t really know when it had happened, because it had been so gradual, well, it made sense. Because Nessa had seen the change in her sister as she let the blond witch into her life. It was funny, really. How much they had hated one another.
“Well, there’s a fine line between love and hate...?”
Because Elphaba seemed to have despised Glinda before they became friends at the Ozdust. How life really had changed that night for all of them. Elphaba and Galinda as she was then becoming friends, Nessa falling in love with the munchkin boy who led her to believe he loved her for her, and that she wasn’t just a charity case to him.
“Maybe she isn’t here now, Elphaba, but that doesn’t mean you let it go if it means something to you...”
So, maybe Nessa wasn’t the one who should be giving relationship advice as well, she had issues when it came to losing the one person she loved and was possessive to keep that one shred of feeling wanted when it was nothing but a lie. But she could be objective! Maybe....
“If it makes you a better person, more open and less likely to shut people out who want to help, then don’t let it go even if you let yourself find someone else.”
It made sense in theory? But really, Nessa wasn’t all that much better than Elphaba was when it came to social interactions. The only difference was people openly feared Elphaba while they pitied Nessa and didn’t want to insult her because of her disability.
“There really is,” Elphaba responded about the line between love and hate. She’d felt that more than once. Still, it was surprising when she fell for someone and someone fell for her because she wasn’t the pretty one. Nessa and Galinda were the pretty ones. Elphaba was just a backdrop or a wall ornament or something.
“It means something to me, but I was just a friend to her.” She shrugged a shoulder a bit as she continued to pace, playing with the ends of her hair. “I like to think it made me a better person. Elena wouldn’t let it make me otherwise.” Because really, Elena had always been there for her. So had Galinda. Neither of them would let Elphaba sink back into how she’d been when she’d first arrived in this world. Finally taking a breath, she stopped pacing and looked at Nessa.
“You know, I feel more myself now than I have in years.” Then again when you weren’t in a place that made you public enemy number one at the drop of a hat and you weren’t being hunted down, that was inevitable. And somehow Elphaba had made the right friends here to help her. It was still sometimes odd to think of her having friends in the plural sense of the word, but she went with it. And there wasn’t anything she wouldn’t do for her friends.
Nessa suppressed the urge to roll her eyes at Elphaba’s comment about being a better person because of Galinda. Because contrary to what people whispered, her sister had never been a bad person. Well, until she went and ran off on her own and creating chaos but, well, she always had to rescue the Animals even at expense of herself and her family. So she just crossed her arms and watched the pacing. Because really. That was what Elphaba did. She paced and thought. The fact she wasn’t ranting really was an improvement.
“Clearly Elena is good friend then.”
Because if she wasn’t letting Elphaba think she was a bad person, well, someone needed to.
“Because she’s right. You’re not a bad person. Yes yes, there was the going against the Wizard and caring about Animals but you also were alone and now I can see it’s because of that, because obviously having someone there to talk you into thinking like a sensical person is something you need and have.”
Really, Elphaba did tend to bring things on herself for not accepting help. And in a way, Nessa had been just as bad. She’d been left alone once her sister ran off, she had Boq but knew deep down he didn’t want to be there, so she had forced him to stay, thinking it would help. And it hadn’t.
“But good. Feeling like yourself is good, it means you know who you are, which I was beginning to think you had lost sight of. Especially back home. You just really need to stop keeping everyone at arm’s length before you get some crazy idea in your head that you’re some horrible person.”
Knowing she was about to be argued with, Nessa held up her hand, shooting a look to keep her sister silent.
“Don’t even start with me. Yes we had a lot of disagreements. We’re sisters. We’re supposed to. I was angry and felt abandoned and you seemed to care more about Animals you never met than your own family. But you were never bad or evil. Stupidly dedicated and refusing to listen, sure. So stop with the self pity act of being a horrible person. Clearly you have friends who care about you and you need to accept that because so help me, Elphaba, if you keep bemoaning the past well... okay I don’t know what I’ll do but I will be very cross with you.”
Quirking a brow in challenge, Nessa then crossed her arms.
“If you bother to listen to me for once, there may even be a hug in this for you. But only if you listen and mean it. Can you do that?”
Elphaba nodded a bit at the comment about Elena. Elena really was a good friend, and she was more than grateful to have her in her life. Though as Nessa went on, Elphaba looked at her and listened. Not in the selective hearing type of way, though. She had opened her mouth to say something when Nessa held up her hand. Elphaba promptly closed her mouth, but was really wanting to respond. Though with what Nessa said, Elphaba could only blink. And she stood there in silence after Nessa stopped talking.
“Elena is so much like you it frightens me.” Which was all she said for a moment before she took a breath. “So all right, I’ve been stupidly stubborn more times than not and prone to flying off the handle at the drop of a hat. But I need to stop dwelling on the past. It’s just...not easy for me to do that. I don’t let go of things easily, if I ever do. And one thing I need to make peace with is you because I do still feel horrible about leaving you and not being there when you needed me.”
So all right, Elphaba was trying to make peace with her sister so she could try and let go of some guilt she carried on her shoulders. This was a legitimate guilt because she should have been there for Nessa, but hey, it was something that she at least was trying?
Did Elphaba just listen to her? That was new. She usually didn’t, didn’t hear what she didn’t want to and just went with things. This place definitely had helped with that. But she had meant what she said. Nessa wasn’t one to say things to make people feel better. Perhaps it was because she was used to people doing it for her. Take pity on the disabled girl and lie to make her feel better. Whatever it was, if Nessa hadn’t believed the words she said, she never would have said them.
“Then clearly this Elena is some I’d approve of.”
But then her sister was still talking, and opening up. Which was definitely out of the ordinary. Something she should have done years ago, before everything went wrong. Because even if Nessa couldn’t have done much back home, she could have been there more. But, too late for that now.
Walking over to her sister, Nessa placed her hands on her shoulders to make sure she didn’t pace as she spoke.
“Then this is me telling you to let it go. You tried to get there, right? That’s all you could have done. We fought. You left, there was pain and anger. You didn’t know then what was going to happen. Just because you didn’t make it in time doesn’t mean you could have stopped it even if you had been there. I don’t know what happened. Why that twister showed up. But it did. You didn’t make it happen so you aren’t the cause for me dying.”
Sometimes dying brought a round of clarity to people they wouldn’t otherwise have. Or it was that Nessa could tell her sister truly felt bad and knowing that there really was nothing that could have done. The irrational fear that Elphaba wanted her dead was gone since she had asked. So now it was making Elphaba see that.
Elphaba was capable of surprises sometimes. Then again, being here for nearly two years had taken its toll on her. Yes there’d been times when she’d flown off the handle, when she had done bad things, but she hadn’t been herself. There were times bad things had happened to her, but she was still here, still alive, and still had friends that weren’t going to let her fall back into the mentality she’d been in when she’d arrived here. She was having a difficult time handling things, but she was better than she had been before.
Yes, she should’ve always talked like this with Nessa. Maybe then she wouldn’t have felt so alone. It might not have changed the things Fexspar had put her through, but it might have helped take the edge off of things. She might not have been so prone to flying off the handle otherwise. But she couldn’t change any of that now. All she could do was change herself now, to let go of some things that she held onto too tightly.
When Nessa placed her hands on Elphaba’s shoulders, Elphaba looked her sister in the eye. Her dark eyes glistened with unshed tears at her sisters’ words. “Yes, I did try to get to you.” And really, Elphaba knew now that the storm, the twister, had been Madame Morrible’s doing, not hers. So really, she should just stop dwelling on it. It wasn’t really her fault that Nessa had died. Did she wish she could’ve done something? Of course, she didn’t want her sister to be dead. But the fact of the matter was that she had tried. But it was because of that that she hated when she got premonitions because it almost always meant bad things were happening. He premonitions, when she had them, really were more like omens than anything else.
“I love you, Nessa, and I’ve missed you.” Elphaba smiled a bit sadly, setting one of her hands over Nessa’s.
And it seemed that Elphaba was getting it. Which was a relief. Because Nessa really didn’t want to spend however long she had here as a ghost beating it into her sister’s head that it was okay to let go of her and move on and stop feeling guilt.
Smiling faintly in response, Nessa nodded.
“Good, because I love you too and have missed you even when I was mad at you.”
With that, the younger woman hugged her sister. It was familiar in it’s own way, from when they were younger. But sometimes it was necessary. And she had told Elphaba if she actually could listen and everything, she was getting hugged. So there it was.
And the smile grew wider and more happy at Nessa’s words. After all, it was good to have that said after all this time. And whatever had brought Nessa’s ghost here, Elphaba was glad for it because she needed this. She needed to know that there was someone in their family that didn’t hate her very existence. And she needed to know that it was okay to move on. Or more like she needed a push in the direction of moving on.
She hugged her sister back, not flinching or pulling away from the touch. Hugging was definitely becoming more second nature to her the longer she was here and the longer she was around people. But this was a good thing. If this was a Seal thing, Elphaba was so very glad for it. She hadn’t even fully been aware of how much she’d needed to talk to her sister in this way. But here it was.
Perhaps now, for however much longer Nessa would be here, they could just be sisters, the way they always should have been.