He looked away from her as her voice shook, not really knowing what to do with that. He didn't want her to be hurt. Not his Marian. So she could have her moment to regain her composure and then he would go from there again. "I was angry yes, likely mad with fury that you would not love me as I loved you. That nothing I did or said or tried to change was enough for you. And then you stood there, between me and the King and you said what you did...Marian we can go over and over this in a thousand different ways if you like, but what will really change. We both know the outcome. We both know I crossed a line I cannot return from. And yet you act as if maybe I have hope. I do not believe that I do."
Thinking for himself. Oh he was capable of it. But he always decided wrong, like attacking the Prince in a holy place, like killing Vaisey, or at least assuming he had. So many decisions he could have made differently, better.
"And what is it I want? I have always seen you in my future. You were the one with the ability to make me change, make me a better man. I thought if I had you, everything I'd done, all that sin could just wash clean. And now I've just made it worse haven't I? Compounded my crimes. But you have seen the real me. You have seen him plenty of times even if you do not think you have. There were moments weren't there, where I was not such a monster, where you and I were even friends. Oh I know now that it was for him, you remained for his sake and not for mine. But you could not always have been lying to me."
He was hurt and jealous still if he was honest with himself. Oh that blind rage had long since gone, the madness passed. But those feelings were still there, he would not ever deny loving her with all of his heart, and to know that he had lost to Hood of all people. It would never be completely okay. But if he could regain a friendship then perhaps he had not lost everything. "I am not yet used to this world and how it works, you are adapting better. But I will try to do what I want. Once I figure out what that is."