"There was a time not that long ago where if I weren't formal with you, you grew quite angry," she reminded him, finally daring to look up at him. He was hurt. It was written all over his face. She had the ability to hurt him and, in some ways, she wanted to. She longed to. She wanted to make him suffer as she often did now.
But that was such a small part of her. The rest of her just wanted this to be over. The constant fear that he'd snap and do so all over again. The nightmares that kept her awake and made her hesitant to accept Robin's invitation at living together. If they could talk this out, put it behind them, perhaps, maybe she could finally have some peace. Maybe she could live happily with the man she loved and still have that sense of friendship she'd had once with Guy. Oh, she'd always known he wanted more from her. He'd never once made that a secret. But she'd enjoyed his company for a time, until she began to understand him. Until she realized he could never share the love for England that she had.
"I'm not scared," she finally said, her voice still soft but honest. "Wary, perhaps. But not scared. I... You brought this on yourself, Guy. I can't help how I feel." Hesitantly, she bit her bottom lip and then looked back up at him. "But I'm not afraid. I know... I think I know in my heart you'd never intentionally hurt me. It is still difficult. It's going to take time. I did tell you that."
Did she want him to leave? She didn't. No. She needed this to happen. To know, once and for all, that he was there and he wasn't going away but that he wasn't going to hurt her, either. Her mind drifted to the dagger strapped to her hip where she'd taken to keeping it. It was easy to hide under the flowing blouses she preferred on living in this world. It would be easy enough, if she chose. And she didn't think she'd get much of an argument.
Which was what stopped her. Instead, she took a step closer. "I understand," she said quietly, her eyes flickering up to his. "Why you did it. No, I can't ever agree with it. I've learned a lot since I've been here...but I don't think I could ever come to terms with that. But I at least know why."
She wasn't telling him to stay. But she wasn't telling him to leave, either.