Primrose Everdeen (littleducktails) wrote in wariscoming, @ 2012-08-24 16:40:00 |
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Entry tags: | peeta mellark, primrose everdeen |
Who: Primrose Everdeen and Peeta Mellark.
What: Prim has the feels and isn't ready to go home yet. Peeta got worried.
When: Afternoon August 24, 2012.
Where: The Park! Y'know the one Prime showed up to. Sitting under a tree.
Warning: PG it's PRIM come on!
Maybe Prim had been too happy to be alive again to really think about this place much. Maybe she had just been too idealistic? Either way things weren't what she had thought they were at first. There was a sort of shift that had happened for Prim. Maybe it had just been delayed up until now, though. She hadn't really let herself think much about what had happened to her before she had been brought here. Who wanted to think about their death, though? Prim didn't like to think, or focus on, those sorts of things. It was hard for her to think about all those children, the ones around her age or younger, that needed her help. She'd failed them and wound up dead herself. She'd let Katniss down too. Dying hadn't been something that Prim had thought about other than when her name had been called at the Reaping. Even though it had been momentary. She hadn't been able to fully process that her name had even been called before her sister had volunteered for her. IF Katniss had known what would ultimately happen, would it have changed her mind? The worst thing was that it probably wouldn't have. Katniss had fought so hard for Prim to live, willing to sacrifice herself. It had never happened, and as much as Prim should have thought about what she would do had Katniss not survived she had never once thought that her older sister wouldn't make it out alive. She had never dared to think about that potential outcome. She hadn't thought about death at all. She hadn't wanted to. Not even when she heard the sounds going off around her just before she had died. It had been such a blur and it had happened so fast. The thing that Prim remembered most about when she died was the brief moment that she saw her sister's face. She hadn't wanted to die, but in the moment she had been doing what she thought was right, she had been helping.
Prim couldn't change the person that she was. She liked to help people and she would have helped anyone that she had come across in that situation. She couldn't change the fact that she wanted to help people. She couldn't change the fact that rather than being protective of her feelings and emotions she let them out. She generally wore her feelings on her sleeves. She didn't hold them in like Peeta and Katniss seemed to do for the most part. Maybe she was healthier in that manner than the other two. Still, it made it easy for others to read her. She was transparent for the most part and she liked it that way. Prim didn't like secrets or holding things back. There was really only one area that Prim didn't let out freely and that wasn't for her own good, it was for Katniss. She was pretty sure that Katniss wouldn't be able to handle her talking about her death, though. More than anything else, Prim didn't want to leave her sister again. She didn't want to upset her. She didn't want to disappoint her. She didn't want to make life any harder for her than it had already been. She just wanted to have something peaceful. She wanted to help and protect her sister from the one thing in the world that she could. She wasn't capable of doing a whole lot else, other than doing some medical things. She could protect her sister from that, though. Maybe the two had a little bit more in common than it seemed? It didn't feel like peace was very likely at the moment, though. If the situation with Clark and Kon and everything was any indication?
Prim still didn't view what she had done as wrong, if she were being honest. She had obviously caused a lot of upset, though. Kon had been upset, Peeta had gotten upset, Clark had gotten upset, Prim was sure that Katniss was going to get upset, Mr. Temple was upset, and others were in the same boat as well. She hadn't meant to offend anyone. She hadn't meant to upset anyone. She had just wanted to help. She would have done it again too, which was probably the worst part of the whole situation. Prim didn't see Clark as dangerous, even though Kon did. The whole situation was difficult. Prim didn't want to hurt or belittle anyone's feelings, but Kon was stomping all over Clark's feelings. He wasn't thinking about anything but himself, which wasn't entirely a bad thing, but at the same time Prim couldn't help but think about the fact that he was supposed to be a superhero. Didn't that mean that he was supposed to be sensitive to the well-being of others? Didn't that mean that he was supposed to be a good guy that thought carefully about things and that he believed in doing the right thing? Prim couldn't help but think the right thing wasn't to kick someone innocent out of a complex that was meant for everyone. She hadn't even been aware that Kon lived at the complex full time, honestly, she hadn't seen him there very much. Prim didn't leave a great deal, though.
And people had jumped in to defend and get behind Kon and his thoughts too. Mr. Temple, who had been so nice, had been fully supporting of the idea of acting against Clark and eh hadn't even done anything. Sure, he had scared a few people with his arrival, but he hadn't meant to. He had been caught off guard and he had been upset, anyone could have done that. Katniss would have done that same sort of thing too, and Prim was sure that she probably had when she had arrived. Prim just couldn't wrap her mind around it all at the moment. The reactions didn't seem like what she had expected from everyone. Maybe she had just seen too much good and too much of the best in everyone before now. Maybe she hadn't been realistic enough. Maybe she should have looked at it like Katniss would have.
The situation had been on her mind all day. Prim had been preoccupied during class, though she had done her best to do everything that was needed of her during her classes. She had eaten lunch with Ariel, as per usual. She had even gone to cheerleading practice, which was an activity that Ariel had guided her into. Still, she hadn't been able to fully let go of what had happened the night before. It was weighing heavily on her mind. Clark wasn't a murder yet. Katniss and Peeta....if someone wanted to be technical were murderers. They had killed people in the games, but they were left alone. There were plenty of people who had done things that were wrong, and yet the people only chose to pick on Clark at the moment. It just seemed like there were a double standard and it was bothering Prim. This place was a place for second chances. Prim had thought of it that way since the very beginning. She had gotten a second chance to life, Katniss and Peeta had their second chances to be normal people and live without being scarred by the games, and it should have been Clark's second chance to be in a world where he didn't have to be left behind. Prim wanted everyone to live in peace. She didn't like the fact that hunting supernatural things happened, let alone fighting between people.
The worst part of the whole situation was that Prim could also understand why Kon was upset, but Clark hadn't done what Kon said eh had yet. Clark was genuinely hurt and upset that people had talked about him behind his back and that he was being treated this way. Prim couldn't blame Clark for being upset either. She was upset. Kon had other places he could go, Prim was sure, but instead he wanted to throw a new person out. He had demanded it and Prim hadn't felt like she could tell him no. It wasn't as if she was anyone special. She wasn't a superhero. She wasn't significant, she didn't help people the way that he did. She didn't save the world. She didn't keep bad things away. She watched disney movies, she did homework, and she tried to be positive and nice to everyone that she met. She knew that people probably saw her as just the soft-hearted little girl that made stupid decisions about who she tried to help.
The thing was that Prim wasn't just a little girl anymore. She was a young woman, truth be told. Granted, she wasn't a fully matured woman yet. She was still a little naive and she had a lot to learn, but she wasn't stupid. She had grown up since Katniss had been taken for the Hunger Games. She was still growing up. She definitely knew what she felt when it came to what was right and wrong. Sure, there were some shades of gray in the current situation, but ultimately it wasn't fair and it wasn't right the way that they were treating Clark. It didn't feel right to Prim. And she felt guilty because she had been the one to take him there, thinking that that was where he would be safest. It was all just weighing so heavily. Prim couldn't stop thinking about it, and worrying. What would happen to Clark since he couldn't stay at the complex? She knew he wanted to go home, but he wasn't going to be able to get there, unfortunately. She knew that he wouldn't be able to get home, but that didn't mean she'd try to stop him either. What was going to happen with her, Katniss, and Peeta? A pretty big stir had been caused and it made her nervous. Not only that it made her wonder about Lawrence in general. It was much more divided than she had ever realized. This was the first time since her arrival that she had realized that things weren't a lot better than they had been at home. People weren't unified. People squabbled and it could lead to bad things, Prim knew that.
Maybe it was just a bad day for her? Maybe tomorrow would be better? Prim didn't know that that was true, though. This wasn't something that would just go away. This whole situation wasn't something that would just get better. She couldn't help that she felt responsible and close tot he whole situation either. She couldn't help that she felt as if Clark was her friend. She had tried to help him and it all came back to her. She knew no one would blame her, but she blamed herself and that was what mattered.
When cheerleading practice had ended, Prim hadn't been in the mood to go home. She hadn't wanted to go home and do homework while she listened to another Disney movie. Though, she had started walking toward the Complex. She took the normal route, the one that she liked, through the park. She had never cared that it wasn't he most direct route. She liked the park. She liked walking some. She hadn't been able to just walk through the park like she normally did, though. She wound up stopping. The park was pretty and people who were in the park seemed so happy. It was also the park that she had found Clark in. Part of the reason that Prim wound up staying was knowing that her sister had left. Peeta was at work. She hadn't really intended to stay for very long. She had just figured she would sit in the park for a while, hoping that it would cheer her up from the gloomy mood that she had been in most of the night and day. She'd found a nice tree to sit under, her legs curled up against her chest, and she had just zoned out with her thoughts.
She thought about her mother and how much she missed her. She thought about Katniss and how Katniss must be feeling about the situation that Prim had been the catalyst for. She thought about Peeta and how he'd defended her even though he probably never would have done what she had. She thought about Clark and what might happen to him if people decided he was a threat. She thought about her death. She thought about a little bit of everything because her mind was just reeling, honestly. Part of her wanted to move to one of the other complexes, but at the same time she had always felt safe around all of the people. Now, she didn't want to go back and face all of the people. She didn't feel sorry for what she had done. She was pretty sure that none of them would like to hear that. She could understand both parts of this situation, Clark's and Kon's. That was what made it all so hard. Prim wanted to make everyone happy. She didn't want anyone to be upset right now. She wanted everyone to be safe and happy. There probably wasn't a way to make sure that that happened, which she was starting to realize, unfortunately. She'd had so much hope for this place, but it had it's flaws too. More flaws than she had wanted to realize too.
Prim startled as she heard her phone go off in her pocket. She didn't realize how long she'd sat there, but at the same time, she wasn't ready to go back to the complex. She wasn't ready to pretend that she wasn't bothered. She wasn't ready to stop letting herself think. She knew that Peeta was probably off work now, and that she shouldn't worry him, but she also couldn't make herself get up from her spot at the moment either. Prim shifted enough so that she could pull her phone out of the pocket of her jeans and without checking to see what had caused her phone to go off in the first place she turned it off and dropped it into her bag next to her. The strap of it was still on her shoulder thought she had been sitting with her knees against her chest for some time up until moving to handle the phone. She moved right back to her position with her knees against her chest again, though. She wasn't done thinking. She wasn't ready to go home, if home was the proper name for it.
She just needed a while longer. Then she'd go back. She'd apologize to Peeta for making him worry. Just not right this second.
[OOC: Long post is long! Summary--Prim has the feels. She's at the park. She turned her phone off not long after Peeta posted.]