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River Tam is in your post confusing you (notmymemory) wrote in wariscoming,

River was oddly lucid in the days following the lowered inhibitions. Well, lucid for her. Once Dark had left, it had been easier to focus. The nightmares were still there. The need to run. To fight. Needs she didn't understand and the ever presence of having memories which were not her own. The feelings that were not her own. They said she could shield herself but she wasn't trying. But she did try. But forced energy around her made her panic and the Academy had made sure that she would feel everything. In the Black in had been different. She had known everyone there. Had latched onto them and their familiarity. And Simon. Simon had been there.

Here she had Luke and Mara. And they were nice. They were calm. She had the string from Luke, but sometimes it didn't work. Not when she'd been at the carnival. But they didn't know that. Because she hadn't been taken. And she didn't know what the price was for staring into the mirror. For seeing herself sane. It was impossible to grant.

Caedus had tried to throw her. No. He had just said what he always held back. Jacen. That she was weak. But she wasn't weak. There were days when she was a terrified hiding in the closet fort she had made with Simon's blanket. But there was always something more. A memory just below the surface. The threat of being put to sleep again. Just as she had been back home, before showing up. The Fruity Oaty Bar commercial and blackness. But the injuries of a fight.

Luke amused her. He was on the ceiling. Just floating. It should seem odd, but River found the oddest of things normal and the most normal of things odd. She saw too much, felt too much, knew too much. There were fallacies in even the most innocent of books. It was annoying. Still, at least it was calm. Even if the lust was annoying. It made her scrunch up her nose. She had learned what that feeling meant, it had confused her before, just feeling it, but now, well, it was something she didn't really want to think about. But it was always lurking just not overwhelming most of the time.

Silently, as the only time she ever really made a noise was when she was in her boots, River left the dining room where she'd been working on a theoretical physics equation. There was no reason to. She'd just been bored. But Luke was on the the ceiling and Mara was avoiding. They all avoided. And she knew maybe people wouldn't understand her comments to Jacen. But that was okay. Because they had been straight forward, at least for her, and she meant them because to fight darkness was a constant battle and the spell made it not happen but it was a reminder on why he had to fight. Without a word, River sat on the couch next to Mara, pulling her legs into herself.

"They're wrong."

It could be about anything. People who were quick to judge. Or about the documentary that had just shown up on the screen. With River, no one could ever really know what she meant at first comment.