John only wished he were able to harden his heart anymore, but Sherlock had told him he was their heart. Would it really be fair to his partner if he did that? Then again what was fair anymore? John had now been forced to suffer the loss of his best friend twice by the same man. Anyone who could come out of that in one piece couldn't be human. John was the human element, and as such he felt emotions cut deep like a knife upon seeing Emma standing before him. Anger and hatred being the forefront. He could make with the automatic greetings, but after that the only thing he felt himself able to do was to check for his gun. Florence hadn't taken it away yet. It was still concealed in its place. He was able to breathe a little better.
He thought things might be different after shooting Moriarty that night in Emma's home, in their bed. He was wrong. It hadn't brought Sherlock back to him, and it hadn't made him feel better. It hadn't taken the edge off of the turmoil he felt since his world came crashing down. Nothing did except liquor, and lots of it. Florence didn't understand, numb was better then drowning. That was how he felt every day like he was barely able to keep his head above water anymore. Some days he didn't even know why he bothered to get out of bed. A lot of the reason was because of the blond woman standing infront of him.
He could have shot her right then and there and no one would have been the wiser, but she had a kid. A boy who deserved a mother even if she was the reason he was alone. He couldn't make that child feel the same way he felt despite the agony seeing her face bought him. Despite the memory of his best friends death slowly eating away his soul. Part of him had died the day Sherlock was killed. Part of him would never be the same again as much as he tried to pretend.
If she was looking for words of comfort, John had none for her. Only a look that he hoped burned her as much as she had him before turning back to stare at Sherlock's grave.
"Don't." Was all he managed to say to her without looking at her again as he stared down at his friend and closed his eyes.