Wasn't that supposedly was supposed to happen? A great right would balance out a great wrong? Though Helena was fully aware such a thing didn't always happen. If it did, the world would be a far better place. Or at least a just one. But the world was not just, it was not perfect. It was chaotic and seemingly always in flux. Even with her wanting to once again hold an optimistic view of the world, Helena knew it would be immensely more difficult to do so now because she'd seen just how dark, how cruel and uncaring it could be. She no longer looked at it with the wide-eyed innocence that hadn't left her until Christina's death. Once that was ripped away from a person, it was impossible to reclaim it.
"No, that it is not." Some people did not get happiness and peace in their lives. And to this point, Helena seemed to be one of those people. Helena did look in Pete's eyes, and she saw traces of that similar wish within them. Really, if she'd been able to stop herself before betraying them all in Warehouse 2, maybe she would've seen this earlier. Maybe Myka would be happier now instead of trying to work through everything.
At the mention of her death not sticking, Helena chuckled ruefully. "Most days I wish the Seal would've left me dead. At least that way I wouldn't have suffered Moriarty tearing me apart from within all over again." Just by the tone of her voice, it was obvious just how tired she was of the world beating her down and tearing her apart time and time again. It did make her wonder if she'd even be able to achieve becoming a whole person once again before the Reaper finally claimed her soul for the final time. "That he most certainly is. Guilt and regret are the things that devour the soul and keep a person down until there is nothing left."
So fighting the tears was basically futile, especially when Pete came to sit beside her and pulled her into a hug. When he told her to let it out, she couldn't really hold it back. After all, these were the things she'd been keeping inside because Myka wasn't ready to talk about them, and Claudia didn't exactly understand. Helena needed to talk to someone who not only understood, but who was also there when she'd died in the Warehouse. With the privacy and the assurance, Helena loosened her grip on her emotions a little more and more tears came freely.
"I don't know how to handle this, Pete. It's too much. How do I process giving my life up only to have it given back to me yet the Reaper still stalks me with every step I take in this world? I feel his icy breath on the back of my neck. I see him in my dreams. I have reasons to live, but how do I shake death itself?" Her voice was filled with emotion that Pete had never heard before. And, truthfully, Helena could count on three fingers how many people had heard her this upset before. Her voice quivered with the emotions she felt within and they started to take a firmer grip on her as she leaned against Pete, sliding her arms around him and clinging to him in a way she hadn't clung to anyone since her father had been alive.