"No, that it wouldn't. I admit after recent events with a lover, I am not open to such matters." It was still difficult for her to talk about Irene when she wasn't under the influence of alcohol, but she felt she could tell Pete about it. They were being forthcoming with one another.
"That is rather the crux of the matter, is it not? To find the lost faith in myself. How does one do such, especially when one does not even like themselves currently? Though disliking myself is putting it mildly. Most times I hate myself." It was strange to speak so candidly on the topic, but there it was. It truly was for the best that she not hold anything back.
Though as Pete used her full name, she could only stare at him wide-eyed. As he spoke, she truly just sat there in stunned shock. Of course, she did listen, and saw he had a point. Though she herself also had a point. So once he finished, she took a breath.
"You do have a point, but you do know that I almost killed 6 billion people without caring? And are cold-blooded murderers ever truly forgiven?" She asked both questions for two reasons. One was to present Pete where she stood mentally on the subject with her view of herself. The other was to present her point because there was a difference between the things Pete had done and the things she had done. Yes, they'd only been triggered because of her refusal to let herself feel the grief over Christina's death and she'd become fixated on making it right. And then when she finally realized she couldn't undo what was done, she turned her fury outwards on the world. She had been one single strike of the Trident away from having committed genocide in the most purest sense of it.
"But tell me, what exactly am I supposed to do? Where do I even begin in atoning for my sins when they outnumber the stars in the heavens?" Because she still didn't buy that she'd all ready redeemed herself by dying to save Pete, Myka and Artie. "Forgiving yourself is undoubtedly the hardest thing to do, and I truly don't even know how to try and win it."
It was then that the waitress returned with their ordered drinks. She thanked her, taking a sip of her tea before she put in her order of food. She then took a longer drink of her tea, taking some moments to collect herself again as Pete ordered.