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Helena Wells has "disappeared" with the Astrolabe (ismellapples) wrote in wariscoming,
@ 2012-04-14 14:45:00

Entry tags:

helena g. wells, myka bering

Who: Myka and Helena
What: Helena is freaking out hardcore over Moriarty's post to her. Oh and they are sort of fictional.
When: This afternoon a little while after Moriarty's post
Where: Helena's apartment
Warning: Cursing, probably some angst, everything else is TBA

She was fully aware she shouldn't have clicked the link Moriarty had given her. She was fully aware even commenting to him about it was a bad idea. And oh she'd tried to keep her comments neutral and not give him the answers he was looking for. But there had been no way she could answer that last one without him using it against someone. But she finally responded and made the decision to walk away from her computer. Though the page with the video was still on the screen. Helena really didn't know what was worse, that she'd just discovered she was fictional from Moriarty or the fact that he knew her weak spots. Well okay, so she knew it was the latter that was worse. Glancing up at the ceiling, Helena was feeling a storm of emotions. Pain. Anger. Hate. Frustration. Fear. Moriarty obviously knew what buttons to push with her now. How the Hell could she keep a poker face to him now?

And it all fell back to that one unfiltered conversation she'd had with Irene that set all this in motion. Letting out a curse, Helena balled up her fist and drove it into the wall, not even wincing as she did so. The kenpo had been good for something. She started pacing furiously, trying to come up with some way to keep Moriarty from using her, from getting to Myka and Claudia. She refused to let them fall into his games. Helena would rather be the one he played with, which she was now completely certain he'd do just to get to Irene.

"Yes. I know. She's not the version from the books but that doesn't make this a good idea." Myka's written words played through her head, and she couldn't help but know the other agent was right. If only because now Moriarty would hurt the Victorian woman, and he now knew how to best hurt her. Feelings tears stinging her eyes, Helena didn't even bother to try and hold them back, letting them trail down her cheeks as they wished. Helena was firmly between a rock and a hard place, and she hated it. She wasn't used to being the hunted. She was used to being the hunter, the one seeking out its prey. Which is perhaps why her mind so quickly turned to finding a way to locate Moriarty and kill him before he could hurt anyone else. Helena had people she wished to protect here, and she wasn't about to see them harmed because of one simple lapse of judgement.

"Am I even capable of having a relationship that doesn't end with my lover betraying me or having one of us be the focus of a psychopath?" Helena mused in frustration. The other side of this was that this would practically force Helena to actually telling Irene everything. Of course, she'd all ready planned to tell her, but in her own time. It wasn't exactly light conversation to talk about being a cold-blooded murderer and trying to kill 6 billion people. The only question would be if she'd be able to tell her before Moriarty got to her. Casting another tear-filled glance at the computer and seeing the YouTube video sitting there, Helena let out a pained whimper and punched the wall again.

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ilikepuzzles
2012-04-19 07:46 pm UTC (link)

"He may want that but that doesn't mean he's going to succeed."

Because Myka was determined in this. Determined that Helena would not be caused any more pain by this psychopath. Okay, not like she really could control that. She was no genius and that meant she was so far from being on level with Moriarty that it was troublesome. Even so. She was going to do everything within her power to keep him from hurting Helena. She couldn't control the boards. Unless... no, she didn't know if Claudia would have that ability to keep messages from Moriarty showing up. Or if that would do more harm than good. If he didn't have attention paid to him, he'd take more lethal methods undoubtedly. This was all a headache.

Returning with the tea, Myka was relieved to see that Helena wasn't holding her emotions in, that she wasn't repressing them as that was when disaster struck. So as long as she didn't do that, there was a better chance of them surviving this. If Helena allowed herself to feel and process the emotions that this was doing, she wouldn't succumb so easily to the pain and need to destroy and kill.

"Of course."

As Helena worked on the Grappler, Myka sipped her own tea, already trying to piece together a strategy on how to protect the other woman. It was much more difficult than working with the Secret Service because there she had agents on the ready. Here? It was her and Claudia. Oh. And Irene, but she didn't trust the woman so really it was her and Claudia.

"Hmm? Oh. Of course... you'd do the same for me."

Smiling some, Myka looked to the side. She knew the thanks was more than her timing. It was everything. And she knew that Helena would do all of that for her as well. So really, it was fine. So long as they had one another's backs, they'd be fine. They had to be.

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ismellapples
2012-04-19 11:41 pm UTC (link)

"He won't succeed as long as I have any say in the matter." Of course she well knew those were probably hollow words when it came to Moriarty, but she wasn't a coward. Helena wasn't going to just curl up in a corner and never leave the complex until Moriarty was dead and gone. She was a fighter, and she needed to embrace that aspect of herself so she wouldn't give in to the fear. Because she was truly scared now that Moriarty knew her weaknesses.

Which really was not sitting well with her. Helena knew just one well-placed word, or even one well-chosen video that Moriarty sent her would be enough to push her over the edge. She would again become that woman that lived only to cause pain, to unleash the fury of her heart and she wouldn't differentiate between friend or foe. She would try her hardest not to turn down that path again, but Helena also knew it was a very real possibility that she would snap. And she knew Myka knew that. Even Claudia would know that to some extent. But everyone else that she'd befriended in this world? They all had no idea how close they all were to danger simply because Moriarty now knew what buttons to push with Helena. One move, and she would once again become a murderer. And if that happened, the only question would be how many people would be hurt before Myka could stop her?

Helena smiled gently back at Myka. "Of course I would." And she really would. She had moved beyond using Myka as a means to an end she wished to see, and saw her as a friend, someone she trusted more than anyone else. Myka would have her back and she would have Myka's. And that meant more than Helena could ever say. It was something she hadn't had since before she'd been Bronzed. Yes Myka had such a stance before Helena's betrayal in Warehouse 2, but she hadn't seen it, hadn't seen anything other than her own rage and anger and pain. But now, it was something she held close to her heart because it was one of the only things keeping her from losing herself completely.

Setting her tools and Grappler aside, Helena picked her tea back up and sipped it, leaning back against the couch. She went into thought about things, about how to protect herself against Moriarty. Ensuring complete safety was undoubtedly out of the question, there never was a plan that would ensure complete safety. The closest to that would've been the Barrier Field around the Warehouse, but even then there were holes, as Helena herself was more than painfully aware of.

"I don't suppose you would support using a body double for myself to try and throw off Moriarty?" She glanced at Myka, one eyebrow raised in curiosity. It was mostly a suggestion made from amusement alluding to that woman who looked exactly like her. She was fairly sure Moriarty wouldn't fall for that, but it did amuse Helena and she wished to lighten the mood before she got too stuck on a train of thought she didn't want to entertain anymore.

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ilikepuzzles
2012-04-20 04:52 pm UTC (link)

Shaking her head in slight bemusement, Myka let it go. She knew that Helena was strong and determined. Knew that if she put her mind to something, she'd find a way to make it happen. Even at risk of betraying everyone. No. She wasn't going down that line of thought. It didn't matter. It was the past. Helena had moved past it and was no longer a threat. It couldn't be.

Even with all of her faith in Helena, knowing she could overcome a lot, she worried about what would happen if Moriarty said just one thing. He knew her weak spots. And while she wanted Helena to find a way to fight against it. To know that he was just trying to get under her skin and not to let him no matter how much it hurt... she worried he'd still find a way to make her snap despite all of Myka's attempts to keep that from happening. And deep down, she worried that he would branch out in who he would try to hurt. The end game in this particular branch was Irene. The way to get to Irene was Helena, but while Christina was not there, she and Claudia were. If he tried to hurt them to hurt Helena? It could be bad. It could spiral.

The comment about a body double gave Myka a moment of pause as she considered it.

"I wouldn't be opposed if this were a normal situation. Or, well, normal for what I'm used to. But with his use of a witch, it could be difficult to make that work. And while Gaia is here and could easily fit the part, I have a feeling she wouldn't go along with it." Not that Myka knew the woman or spoke to her. But somehow she had a feeling that she wouldn't willingly put herself in harms way for a woman she didn't know. Not many people would. Body doubles were often trained agents as it were.

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ismellapples
2012-04-20 11:58 pm UTC (link)

Oh there was great potential for things to spiral. Helena knew her control was thin at best. It wasn't just because she was still trying to get past the things she'd done in 2010. It was the having been a hologram for a while, then suddenly put back into her body. Then there was the being incinerated and then showing up here. Really, she was still trying to gain a foothold in this place, but it was getting easier with Myka being here. But that didn't mean she was anywhere near ready to deal with someone like Moriarty trying to tear her down only to get to Irene. And if he did anything to Myka and Claudia, Helena knew she would lose it. Even now, her control was starting to fray from seeing that video, but she was trying so hard to center herself again.

The company and the tea were helping. As did her emotional outburst. Now she was just sitting and finding her center again and trying to keep as calm as she possibly could be. At least with Myka here, if she tried to act in the heat of the moment and run off, she wouldn't get farther than the door.

"Probably not. Then again apparently she uses drugs, so she might not even be sober for such an operation." Helena took a longer drink of her tea, drawing her legs up under her, keeping the mug firmly in one hand as she braced her elbow against the back of the couch and propped her head up with her hand. "At this rate we'll be experts on dealing with psychopaths. Though I advise we should not make a habit of it." Sykes. Moriarty. Helena didn't even want to know what other psycopaths they would face here. Though as long as Helena didn't get blown up in the end this time, and all those she cared about also didn't get blown up, she'd consider it a victory.

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ilikepuzzles
2012-04-21 01:40 am UTC (link)

Realizing that she and Claudia could easily be pawns to get to Helena, Myka realized that she would have to find a way to protect all three of the Warehouse agents as opposed to just Helena. That.. made this infinitely more difficult. Because the three of them were the only ones from home, they needed to stay strong together. Really, though? They just needed each other and it was foolish to think otherwise. And given Helena seemed to have shown up after being blown apart right in front of her? It was no wonder she was having trouble adapting. They'd discussed it, of course. Before all of this. How she had gone from being bronzed to unbronzed to hologram to physical to blown up. Add in Moriarty?

At least her presence was helpful to Helena and not hurting or making it worse. Because Myka was pretty determined to just stay there until this entire thing blew over. And who knew how long that would be. Either way, Helena needed someone who could ground her with her and apparently that was Myka, so the curly haired agent would do just that. Ground Helena and maybe have the other woman ground her in her own way. It was what they did for one another, after all.

"I doubt she would be... " It was strange to think of anyone with Helena's face on drugs but what could she say, apparently the Seal thought it funny to bring that person here. Which made it more difficult to trick Moriarty. No. Body doubles wouldn't work at all, sadly enough. So they'd have to find another way.

"I wasn't planning on it. But we probably will be after all of this is done."

Because there were so many worlds here and thus so many chances for psychopaths to show up. Which meant no one was safe from it. Hopefully Sykes wouldn't show up. Then again, if he didn't have the artifacts at his disposal, who knew how much of a threat he'd be. Still, better not risk it. They'd already dealt with him. No need to deal with him again.

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ismellapples
2012-04-21 09:36 pm UTC (link)

It would be a complete miracle if Helena managed to get through this without snapping, without losing control. But she had to prepare herself for the very real possibility that she would face that part of herself once again. Helena didn't want to go through that again, but she knew it could happen. She just didn't know if she'd be able to come back from it once again. Right now, she was far too raw, too lost within herself because of all the changes she'd been through.

But this is where Irene, Myka and Claudia came in. Having the three of them there for her, she knew she had a good chance to come back from that. Though at least this time there were no Regents to rip her consciousness out of herself and store it on the Janus Coin because that was a better solution than simply Bronzing her. At the thought, she involuntarily rolled her eyes. Oh she understood that the Regents had still wanted access to her if they needed it, but how was it better to turn her into a hologram? Oh she was bitter, if only because she felt that the Janus Coin had been a fate worse than Bronzing. And really, Helena hadn't thought anything could be worse than sitting in the Bronze Sector immobile but completely conscious for a century.

"After this, I strongly request that the psychopaths focus their sights on someone else for a while." Helena took a sip of her tea and sighed heavily. "I am so tired of this." It was a statement that carried more meaning than most would think. She was tired of being hunted. She was tired of being a pawn in a psychopath's game. She was tired of drastic changes in her life. She was even a bit tired of her life. It was more than difficult to try and put herself back together when her life would suddenly change course and then she'd have to adjust. Helena was just tired in general. It wouldn't stop her trying to fight her way back to herself, but it would make it infinitely harder to get there.

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ilikepuzzles
2012-04-22 01:08 am UTC (link)

Losing control was fine so long as it was in a safe environment. That Myka could handle. Getting upset, angry. Fine. It was taking it to the level of murdering people or the entire human race when Myka started having issue with lost control. There was a healthy way to lose control and then there was an unhealthy way to do so and she was determined that Helena do this healthily. And so long as Helena did so in a healthy manner, she'd be fine in coming back from it. Of that Myka was certain, and she'd ensure that was the route taken or die trying.

Which... was probably not a comment to make. Not in a place or time like this with psychopaths like Moriarty on the loose. She knew that she and Claudia would be there for Helena. And the friends she made. Irene, well, Helena seemed to think the other woman would be there but Myka had her doubts. Or it was irrational anger at the entire situation and placing the blame on Irene's idiotic mistake. That, too. Really. There was no excuse in her mind. Perhaps she'd feel differently had she been turned into an animal and in shock. But she still maintained that if one cared, truly cared and knew they were at risk and knew that the one who was a threat had no qualms using others.. that they would still find a way to keep them from knowing.

Still, at least Helena would hopefully be given a chance to adjust to her.. whatever numbered chance at life this was for her. Hopefully she would be able to live as a regular woman in an ordinary or as ordinary as a place like this could be.

"I'd prefer they just stop, but I'll take that..."

And then the comment on being tired. Oh, there were so many layers to that one comment and only someone who knew the truth of everything, who had been there and seen could truly grasp it. As such, Myka just reached over and squeezed Helena's hand.

"I know, but you don't have to face this alone."

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ismellapples
2012-04-22 07:19 am UTC (link)

At least a positive in the event she did snap was that this time Helena wouldn't be responsible for it. It wouldn't come about as the result of actions did and choices she'd made in the wake of Christina's death. This time, it would be Moriarty's fault for pushing her buttons. Or should she put the blame on Irene for not filtering that one conversation? Though at the same time, she couldn't exactly put all the blame on Irene. After all, Helena could have filtered her own comments, but she'd been more upset and freaked out at having been turned into a bloody cat so she hadn't even thought about filtering. So knowing all that, she couldn't completely blame Irene.

And really, she did believe that Irene would be there for her. While Myka might try to keep Irene away from her, Helena would be steadfast in allowing Irene to help her if she wished to. Because really, Helena had been there for Irene when she'd needed someone. Okay so for part of that time it had been the future Irene, the one that had become a victim to Moriarty's cruelty. But even without that, she had a deep affinity for the woman, one that she couldn't even properly describe. It was just there, and while perhaps she should be more wary than she was, Helena was wanting to believe in the goodness in people. And she seemed to bring it out of Irene, or at least that's what she had so far experienced.

Yet at the same time, she knew the only person who truly knew her, who could pull her back from the edge was Myka. Of that she had no illusions on. Myka always managed to get through to her, and she needed the agent there with her now. Otherwise she knew there would be no way she'd make it out of this intact. Or alive.

Helena truly had no idea what a normal life consisted of. Yes, she'd had one once, before she was recruited to Warehouse 12. Of the one hundred and forty-five years she'd existed, only twenty-two of them were spent as a normal person. And even then, she had broken all the social norms for women, almost to the point of her mother disowning her. But even with everything she'd been through, she just wanted to live, to have a chance to be alive and just not have to deal with being Bronzed or being a hologram and just...living the life she should have had. But what such a thing meant, she didn't even know right now. She just wanted a life that wouldn't break her very soul at every turn she came to.

When Myka squeezed her hand, she looked over at her, a soft little smile tugging at the corners of her mouth. She squeezed Myka's hand back. "And for that I'm grateful. Without you, I would not be able to make it through this." And in that moment, the look in her eyes and even her body language showed every single day of her one hundred and forty-five years. In that moment, she truly felt old and tired, something she had never shown before. But right now, all of her defenses were down, and she was rather an open book, even moreso than she usually was to Myka.

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ilikepuzzles
2012-04-22 04:22 pm UTC (link)

As much as Myka disliked Irene, she wasn't going to say the other woman wasn't allowed near Helena. It wasn't her place to make such demands or put such limitations on someone. As much as she disliked her, she was still Helena's lover and while she thought it was a stupid idea and dangerous, and even if she blamed Irene for this because she didn't think to filter in the first place that one time, it was Helena's decision. She wasn't going to monitor every single thing the other woman did. Because that meant she didn't trust Helena and strangely enough, despite what happened with the trident, the attempted ice age, she did trust Helena. Knew she wanted to live an actual life and she had that chance here.

Returning the smile, Myka just gave a small nod.

"Well, I don't know where else I would be."

For the first time, Myka was thankful the Seal pulled her through. She'd been thankful for the chance to see Helena of course, to be able to be near her again, but she still wanted to wake up. She wanted to be home and to find out that the Warehouse hadn't exploded. That all that had happened with Sykes was a horrible dream. Or that Artie had some way to change it. He had escaped death before with an artifact. Perhaps, just perhaps, he would surprise them again and find a way to preserve the Warehouse. To bring Helena back and let her have the life she wanted.

Those were foolish thoughts, of course. How could that be possible? There were artifacts that could do astounding things, but what would the cost be for such a thing? She knew that every artifact had a negative part to it. What cost would they pay to bring back the Warehouse and Helena if it were even possible?

So for now, she'd be thankful that she was here, with Helena, and able to help her. She was still frustrated that she was given no leads on what to do with herself here but she would figure it out. She always did. She just... needed to take it one day at a time.

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ismellapples
2012-04-23 04:56 am UTC (link)

Speaking of Irene, she knew she really needed to talk to her about all of this. Helena also needed to tell her some things about herself that Moriarty would undoubtedly use against them. She didn't want her lover to be blindsided by it. Still, Helena was having a hard time wrapping her mind around the fact that she was a fictional character. But knowing her story was out there and easily accessible by anyone, she needed Irene to know. But more than that, she needed Irene to better understand her. Explaining things was the difficult part. It was truly refreshing to have Myka who could read what she was thinking with a look. But this new relationship with Irene, the two women were still learning about the other. It would be hard to explain some of her past, but Helena would do it. She couldn't start hiding things now. Hiding things would only lead her to disaster, and this was supposed to be a chance at a new life.

"In the library with a book, no doubt," she commented with a very faint smirk. She was trying for humor to diffuse the storm of emotions she had within her. To distract her from dwelling on the possibilities of what could happen now.

But even as she attempted to redirect her thoughts to ones of humor, she couldn't help but wonder if she would fall again. It was entirely possible that she would end up dead in this. After all, what better way to upset Irene than to take away the one she cared about? And really, Helena didn't want to die, not like this. She'd had enough of that, and she really wanted the chance to live. She wanted to try and write a happy ending to her tragic and misguided life. She doubted she'd get the so-called fairytale ending after the life she'd led, but she wanted a better ending than being a victim of a serial killer.

But truthfully, could she give her life a better ending than the one she'd written in her own world? She gave herself a noble death, sacrificing herself to save her friends, to save the woman she loved. And yet the Seal decided she should be given life again. To do what? To die again? To find happiness with Irene? To heal her wounds as best as she could and let go of what she'd been through? It certainly couldn't be as cruel as to dangle those possibilities in front of her only to let her die at the hands of Moriarty.

H. G. Wells was not going down today or any day. She was going to live. Despite being tired, despite the emotional storm she had within her, right then and there she made the choice that she was going to live.

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