Loki | MCU (subtletrick) wrote in wariscoming, @ 2012-02-05 18:49:00 |
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Entry tags: | loki |
Who? Loki (narrative)
What? Brooding!
Where? His apartment, and then ~elsewhere~
When? Backdated to just after he comm-harassed the Joker! So like, last week. whoops.
Rating? Not terribly high.
Notes: After this, Loki has not been around Lawrence much at all. Just in case that is relevant information.
Loki’s eyes traced the lettering on the pages of the book in front of him blindly, the words never making it past the jumble of his thoughts. It was an attempt to divert himself, more than anything - he’d read this book already, the information it held was already rattling around in his brain - and unfortunately it was not working very well at all.
Ordinarily when his thoughts became too heavy, he would simply see if Darcy would object to his company at the time (she never did; evidently he either caught her at the appropriate times all the time, or she simply had little of the need for solitude he found himself with, sometimes), or, if it was a strange hour when he did not wish to disturb the sleeping mortal girl, he would read over the boards, or simply wander some corner of Midgard he had not yet seen, or had found rather enjoyable. Tonight, none of those things had helped - not unlike the book he was now flipping closed with an audible sigh.
The problem was, these things he usually used to distract himself felt trivial - there were many things he felt he should have been doing, and sitting here reading ancient spells he already knew, or wandering a planet spinning towards its doom, or even sitting with the mortal he had somehow found himself painfully attached to... all of those things were inaction.
Loki was typically reasonably good at inaction. Things that happened - in Asgard, in Midgard - they were none of his concern, for the most part. Even when they were, he was far more interested in how to fix them, in what was wrong and how it could be twisted around to be made right without any action needing to be taken. That wasn’t to say that he had never assisted in the taking action phase of things - he did, rather frequently if Thor was involved - but it was not his natural mode.
It seemed here, his natural mode was beginning to become somewhat fuzzy. Trickster, guardian; liar, honest; villain... hero still felt wrong, left him with the mental equivalent of a bad taste in his mouth, simply thinking it. Darcy had said he was heroic - or something to that effect, at least - and he wondered just how much of that was his deception coming through. Had he blinded her so well? Loki was not a hero. Perhaps he was not the villain, not this time around, not here, but he was far from a hero.
He had no desire to be one, either. A hero was bound to successfully save those who needed saving. Loki knew it was not always wise to interfere and save everyone who was in danger. There were a great many times when strategy meant allowing some to be imperiled or die, for the greater good. (That’s what you think in the future, too. Loki shut his eyes tight, pressed his hands against them as if that would keep the thought at bay, as if it would banish the images of himself doing wrong so wholeheartedly, so desperately, so convinced he was doing right.)
A hero was selfless. Loki was not. He was more than selfish enough to know that the only reason he wished to protect those he cared for was because he did not want to be without them. Of course, some traitorous part of his mind reminded him, there have been numerous occasions where you sprang to the aid of complete strangers...
A hero also did not have the desire to do the sorts of things he sometimes wished to do. Right now, he wished to destroy this ‘Joker’ in the most painful, awe-inspiring display of power he could come up with, leaving no doubt that he was most certainly not ‘outdated’. It was becoming less an issue of defending someone he considered a friend, and more about feeling slighted, feeling as though his ability was being called into question...
...feeling the need to show everyone exactly what he was capable of....
...and that was where he had been heading, when he arrived here. That way lay his future, with the tragedy and pain he would cause. The madness that would overtake him was right there, right at the edges of his awareness, and it was creeping in closer with every passing day.
He wanted to do it anyway. Tear someone apart... make them an example, show everyone this is what happens, this is why you should be afraid...
Loki’s room in the complex suddenly felt far too small and yet far too open all at once, and he picked up the book he had been trying to read, standing and placing it on the shelf where it belonged, alongside several others that looked very much like it. Then, things restored to their normal place, he gathered up the four strands of runes sitting on the shelf nearby - and then the room seemed to fade out, magic carrying him away.
For now, perhaps it would be best if he avoided Lawrence as much as possible.