InsaneJournal

Tweak says, "kon kon"

Allana Solo (sanguinesolo) wrote in wariscoming,
@ 2011-09-30 10:33:00

Entry tags:

allana solo, kon-el/superboy

Who: Allana and Kon
When: Ten minutes from this this comment
Where: Shop closed for repairs about a block from the complex
What: Seeing if Kon is really Kon
Warnings: Nothing yet! Maybe some Star Wars cursing and mild violence? Because seriously, you call that being careful Kon?!

Allana had sprinted down the stairs, only to slow to a walk at the entrance to the lobby, inborn Hapan grace making the transition look more natural than it had any right to. There was a moment of déjà-vu so strong it almost stopped her in her tracks as she passed one of the chairs scattered around the waiting area, and it was only as she reached the door of the complex that she realized what she was remembering – the first mission they’d gone on together, the killiks. He’d teased her about how slow she’d be getting down to the lobby and, irritated and competitive and not sure why any of it was rankling so much, she’d sprinted down the stairs, only to slow to a walk as she came into view. She’d known she’d be later than him, but she’d wanted to be there sooner than he’d be expected. It was the same now, the hurry, the knowledge that he could always beat her from point A to point B, but the need to get there before he’d be expecting her. The same, but terribly different, the competitive desire to catch him off guard turned into a tactical need, and Kon turned into…

She wasn’t sure, really, what this was. A demon with his phone maybe, wanting to lure them out one by one. A particularly sinister alternate who had looked over his sent messages. It can’t be him, she told herself as she stepped out into the suddenly crisp fall air (a cold front had moved through while she’d been gone, scouring away the unseasonably warm weather, and she hadn’t even noticed until now how much things had changed). It can’t be repeated over and over in her mind as she moved her hand to the lightsaber at her belt and twitched her shoulders slightly, as if her muscles remembered what her mind still balked away from, the endlessness, unchanging nature, of the effort it had taken between herself and the Force to carry a body from the place where it lay back to the complex. It didn’t feel like a week ago, it didn’t even feel over, as if at any moment someone would tell her that she’d rested long enough, and that she should really begin again, and she would nod and shoulder her burden and start walking.

It felt like it would never be over, but she didn’t mind, because it felt less like he was gone. It was why she’d been grateful that they’d waited to hold the funeral until she was back in Lawrence, the real reason, underneath the professed gratitude for an acknowledgment of the fact that she deserved a say and a chance to say goodbye. As long as people were still doing things because of him, making plans, saying his name, he would be less gone, not alive but not yet really dead. It kept her preserved in the state of icy calm she’d frozen into when she’d felt him die, prevented her from moving on into acknowledgment and grief. Uncle Luke would tell me to let go, she thought, and in the next moment was arguing back to a man who wasn’t even there, or not the right version of him anyway, but I can’t yet, I have to take care of this first. I just have to take care of things.

When she reached the shop she pushed through the door and, keeping her back to the wall, edged a few steps to the left, and looked around. The place had been a flower shop, the place where Daisy had gotten her name when she’d eagerly reached out with her muzzle to reach for a pot of her namesake flowers. A pipe had burst a few weeks ago, completely apart from demonic activity or kryptonian fights, and the owner had closed the place for repairs that, with the chaos of the past few weeks, had not yet been completed. Now, in the gloom of the time just before dawn, the entire place was dim and dank and smelled vaguely of the mold that was eating at the wood floors.

“Well,” Allana said into the silence, not sure if he was there yet, whoever “he” was, “if you’re here then come forward. I’d like to get this over with.” Her voice was carefully, calmly controlled. Not so different, though she couldn’t have known it, than the voice of her alternate self who had so recently returned to Hapes.

(Post a new comment)

nightwingingit
2011-10-03 11:26 pm UTC (link)

Judging by the reactions on the boards this meeting was one he was only half looking forward to. The other half was a bundle of twisted nerves he wasn't quite used to. He'd always prided himself on his 'freaky alien powers' as Allana had so fondly named them, but now he didn't have the right to fall back on them. Since he left Cadmus Labs the first time that's all he'd done was use them to form his sense of being and his personality. He was freaky power set guy, it was just what he did. Now he wasn't sure what he was or who he was. The comments on the boards said he was that guy who died during the alternates, but he didn't even remember that.

He remembered fighting Clark, staring into his face as they went head on and full strength into battle but beyond that he couldn't recall who won. So obviously they might have been right, if he couldn't remember winning that probably meant he lost. Losing wasn't exactly a desirable outcome especially with Clark's face attached to the ordeal. It was bad enough fighting him, but dying because of him?..Kon didn't know how to react to that or how to register it just yet.

He wanted to say it was fine, and he would move on. He wanted to be able to talk to Clark like everything was just as it was and things had never happened, but he couldn't. It was hard talking to him on the boards. He didn't give it away, but he didn't feel like he could do it without upsetting him and that wasn't fair. It was his own fault he died, not Clark's. There was also that matter to think about. He'd failed at being Superboy. Did he really deserve to call himself Clark's family after that? He should have been able to handle the fight in theory..

Sighing as he waited for Allana at the place she'd described, the teenager had too many unpleasant thoughts on his mind. It wasn't exactly the funnest night ever. He wasn't used to trying to process so many dark thoughts. Darkness and confusion were never a thing he was good at. He always tried to be like Clark. Even if he would never admit it out loud. Clark was always so positive and seemed to glow with it, so Kon tried his best to mirror him. There were pieces he had down, he could be nice to strangers sometimes, and helped anyone he could, but conflict solving was a thing he needed work on.

Running a hand through his short hair in frustration, he looked up from the ground he'd been starring at to hear the sound of the familiar red heads voice and stepped out of the shadowed area he'd been standing in and into the light. "Took you long enough, sidekick." He said with a tiny smile, trying to lighten the mood, but it faltered at the sound of her voice. Her tone was so different, had his death really changed her that much? It almost seemed unfair that he couldn't remember and couldn't tell her everything was all right with confidence, but it wouldn't stop him from trying.

(Reply to this) (Thread)

sanguinesolo
2011-10-05 05:37 am UTC (link)

Allana’s eyes narrowed slightly when Kon (or the thing pretending to be Kon) called out to her using the familiar nickname, but she held her ground and her only gesture was to lift her chin slightly and consider him with seeming impassivity. In reality it took a lifetime of training by one of the galaxy’s most renowned senators and centuries of Hapan breeding to keep her from showing the emotion that clenched her stomach and roiled up in her throat like an imminent sob or scream. The last time she’d seen that face it had been covered in blood and bruises, almost too horrible to look at, and she’d thought, now this is how I’ll remember him and that had been the moment it had been hardest to keep calm, to do what had to be done without stopping to mourn. Now he was standing in front of her and speaking in that way he had of mixing a slightly mocking sarcasm and an earnest desire to reassure improbably together in his tone, and it was almost impossible to just stand and watch him as if he were any other potential threat.

She drew her lightsaber and held it out in front of her, the green of the blade producing a soft, steady glow that lit her above the cheekbones and intensified her severe expression. If someone else has his phone they’d know about the nickname, she reminded herself, and they would know if they were…what were they called…a shifter. They take the memories. This doesn’t mean anything.

“Christo,” she said in the same blankly calm voice with which she had greeted him. Then, without waiting for a reaction, she draw a vial from her pocket, took one deliberate step forward, and then splashed the contents, holy water, at him. When he failed to react with any outward signs of pain her hand tightened on the lightsaber she held until her knuckles drained to white. “Not a demon then,” she said quietly, almost to herself, and then reached into her pocket again and pulled out a chain, a necklace she’d grabbed on her way out the door, pure silver. “Catch,” she called, tossing it towards him, waiting for him to flinch away from it, to tip his hand.

It’s not him, she reminded herself as inoculation against the beginning of hope, it can’t be.

(Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

nightwingingit
2011-10-06 07:26 am UTC (link)

The way she watched him was unnerving in it's own right. Kon had hardly seen this side of Allana. The one destined to be royal. Honestly the entire royalty bit was above and way, way over his head. Still in that moment he could see it. Her composure was intense, and that lightsaber as cool as it was only made the possible danger more realistic. It gave him a reality check, the tone in his voice faded and the look in his eyes sobered. He had really died. Clark had been the last one he remembered seeing before whatever this was. Some of the missing pieces of the puzzle were starting to come together again for better or worse.

Kon knew the tests she would perform from the complexes classes. He'd taken a few along side her, never did he think they would be used on him. It was worrying, and weird. There was no reaction to the word at all except a slight raise of his eyebrow. Next up was holywater and silver, neither of which gained a reaction either. He caught the necklace and looked at her quietly. Brows furrowed in concern. "Cool lightsaber. " He tried for humor but it faltered. Mixed emotions on his face.

This was gearing up to be a very confusing week. Nearly all of his wounds were healed thanks to his Kryptonian abilities, he healed faster then the average human. There were a few markings left in various places, but he had been dead an entire week after all. "..So it's true then. " He said as he touched his own jawline, there were some small leftover cuts on the verge of healing.

Looking down at the necklace in his hand he swallowed thickly and couldn't come up with any more words. His throat was dry. His confidence was shaken. It felt like a nightmare. He wished it were one. Then he could will it away and forget.

(Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

sanguinesolo
2011-10-08 06:01 am UTC (link)

Allana’s mouth went dry as he caught the necklace, and when he looked up at her, confused and upset, her expression grew harder, but more defensive than blank now that she had hope to defend against. She didn’t react to his half-hearted joke about her lightsaber or his muttered acknowledgement of the reality of his situation, but when he looked down at the necklace she let her gaze drop slightly to her own hands, noting her white knuckles and stiff posture, and thinning her lips slightly as she concentrated on gathering herself. This is important, this is too important to accept just because you want it to be true, she told herself, trying to draw on the reserves she would need to meet his gaze again with equanimity when all she wanted to do was believe him, to close the distance between them and reassure him (or slap him and ask him what part of what had happened was him being careful, she still wasn’t sure).

“All right,” she said quietly, letting her gaze flick over the window, checking Kon’s reflection and finding everything normal there too. “You’re not a demon or a shifter. That doesn’t mean you aren’t an alternate, just trying to get a foot in the door to cause problems.” She was quiet again for a moment, thinking of what to ask that only Kon would know, that wouldn’t be something anyone with his phone could guess by reading old messages. Then she remembered their first date, the old library she’d dragged him into and how, on their way out, she’d rebelled suddenly against the new shyness she felt around the boy she’d fought giant bugs with and competed against and dragged into museums in Paris. Before she’d had time to think she’d grabbed his hand and pulled him out of the thin crowd heading for the exit, around behind one of the stacks, and threaded their fingers together, guiding him towards her as she backed up against the books. Then, before she could lose her nerve, she’d kissed him, hesitant and determined and earnest, before breaking away and quipping, “See? I told you, you’d have fun at the library,” then laughing and turning away towards the exit again before he could see her blush.

Remembering that now was almost cruel, and she took a small step backwards before she could stop herself, as if distance would somehow steady her. If he passed this last test then he was who he said he was. If he passed then the seal had actually done the impossible, and if he didn’t then her boyfriend was really gone. “First place we kissed?” she asked, and raised her lightsaber higher, ready if he got the answer wrong.

(Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

nightwingingit
2011-10-11 07:55 am UTC (link)

Looking down at the small necklace he clutched in his hand he nearly lost himself in thought until Allana's next question made him grin instantly. "Like I'd ever forget. It made me hate Libraries a lot less." He watched her with a steady gaze. He wanted to reassure her that it was him, not scare her away or make her think he was just some demon. In this place it was entirely possible so he knew it wasn't fair to blame her for all her tests. It still didn't mean it didn't sting emotionally. He put up a brave front as he always did and faced the situation head on. They kept telling him he died, he couldn't just blow it off with how many people were saying it. Even if he really, really wanted to.

The lightsaber was cool on most occasions, but when it was pointed at him it really lost a few cool points. Which was disappointing. Connor would probably have scolded him on a normal day for thinking that, but it was true. He looked at her cautiously. Unsure of what to do or where to go, he just waited. With a weapon pointed at him he was sure it was the better option. Practically invincible or not, he was not suicidal. He didn't exactly want to learn what that weapon felt like first hand.

The look on her face worried him. If she was that bad off because of this, he wondered about Clark and Connor. It never really occurred to him before now that people really thought of him. Before the death that he didn't remember, he did remember being reckless. He silently swore that if Allana did believe him and they got past this that he would be better. He couldn't let the people he cared for hurt like this again.

(Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

sanguinesolo
2011-10-15 04:24 pm UTC (link)

She had run out of tests and she could no longer doubt that the boy standing in front of her was Kon, but Allana found that she couldn’t quite believe it either, not in any concrete way. She’d spent the days after his death distracting herself, first with capturing and subduing the alternative Jacen and then with trying to stay alive once she’d been thrust into the middle of her alternate’s life. The distractions had built up a chain of “things that need to be dealt with” that came before processing grief, and that was how she’d managed to stay calm. That was how she’d managed to look over papers, preside over court, to set about trying to fix the mess her alternate had made of an empty life. It had been therapeutic to be able to solve someone else’s problems, if slightly embarrassing in that her solution had been to contact that reality’s version of Leia Organa Solo (Jaina wouldn’t even answer her attempts, and even Allana knew enough to stop before it looked like the head of the Hapes Consortium was begging for a meeting with the Empress, to realize the political repercussions that could have), convince her of what had happened, and tell her not to give up on her granddaughter. It had been a shock to learn that this version of her grandfather had died years ago, that without a granddaughter to be responsible for and take under his wing he’d let the bitterness about the death of his sons make him careless, but it had let her extend the offer to her grandmother, “Come to Hapes. I’ll issue a proclamation naming you liaison to the Jedi, make it sound like a way to spy on them so the Hapans accept it. She won’t be able to take it back once it’s been acknowledged publically. You can help her, you helped me.”

Without that distraction, sad as it had been in some ways, she wouldn’t have made it through that reality. She would have torn off her crown, jumped up from the throne, and raged at the impassive courtiers, demanded to know why they were just going about their business, how they could act like this was just another day when nothing, nothing could ever be the same or ordinary ever again. That would have been the first stage of her grief, but she had never made it there, had built up her walls of responsibilities and obligations, and now, with Kon in front of her and alive again, she had to process it all at once, had to deal with the pain of losing him before she could really believe that he was back. It was as if she were standing on one side of a river full of rapids, and he was on the other side, and for a moment she teetered on the edge of the crossing, just staring at him dumbly.

“You said you were going to be careful,” her voice, cracking slightly on the first syllable of the last word, no longer calm or controlled, surprised her as much as if someone else had suddenly spoken, as did her lightsaber flickering off and almost sliding from her fingers as she took a step forward, face flushed and angry. “You said to trust you and I…you kriffing” her lightsaber was back at her belt, but her right hand rose, palm flat out, and she wondered, as if she were only an observer, whether she was about to slap him.

In the next moment, however, she’d reached him and lowered her hand, the anger dropping from her features once she was close enough to touch him, and she practically threw herself into a hug instead. Right, this is the part where I make fun of him, or say that if he ever does that again I’ll kill him, she thought, but to her dismay what came out instead was a muffled sob, the first time she’d cried since feeling his death in the Force. Once they started, the tears were surprisingly hard to stop, and as unlike her as it was, for the moment all her words were swallowed up with them.

(Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

nightwingingit
2011-10-16 01:40 am UTC (link)

Kon wanted to say something profound. Something comforting, but really he didn't have any way he could possibly make it all better. Sometimes no words were better. He'd have to remember to thank a certain brooding Robin for that advice if he ever got the chance. The look on his face was unnaturally sober compare to the joy it usually held. He didn't know the right way to react or if he had a right to react at all. He didn't remember dying. She did. He didn't want to make it seem as though it were some joke, it would just be heartless. That wasn't the real him.

He wasn't as patient as Clark Kent was, or as wise in any sense of the word but he was passionate and compassionate about the world around him. It was a trait they both shared. To see Allana as upset as she was infront of him because of his own stupidity how could he not reflect the same sadness? He'd caused her pain and he had made it his job to protect her. He was silently conflicted.

Finally he spoke with a strained tone. "I know." His brows furrowed as she closed the distance between them as if bracing for the expected slap. He wouldn't fight back if that's how she felt. He apparently deserved it to some extent. His blue eyes clouded with confusion when she didn't move in to strike him, instead she was suddenly so close he could hear her heart beat. His arms wrapped warmly and comfortingly around her.

"I'm so sorry..I tried to be. He was too strong." It really hurt his pride to say those words out loud. He knew Clark was Superman for a reason while he was Superboy, but he still didn't like losing. Especially when it meant causing someone he loved so much pain. That's when it hit him. He loved her. He knew it wasn't the time to tell her, but holding her again he felt like there was nothing else he wanted to do more. Nothing else existed despite being in public, when he was with her there was very little else that mattered. His hand reached tenderly to brush at her cheek. "I'm here now.." He wanted to tell her he wasn't going anywhere and promise that things would be okay. He knew he couldn't do that after everything that had gone wrong, but being there was all right too.

(Reply to this) (Parent)