|Anakin Solo is judging you with his eyes (jedislight) wrote in wariscoming,
@ 2011-08-01 02:09:00
|anakin solo, cade skywalker
Who: Cade and Anakin
What: Chatting and who knows what
When: late night
Where: Cade's stairs.
After Cade's post, Anakin had found it impossible to sleep. Ever since he was young he had known he was Force Sensitive. He'd been able to feel his parents emotions if he focused hard enough. As a teenager it was no different. He was just bigger, and the emotions were easier to hear. Leia felt as though she had failed. Anakin felt she didn't. Han was being comforting as he often was, Anakin was left to his thoughts. None of them were good. He worried about the family. People told him it wasn't his burden alone, but he still worried. He tried to keep his thoughts to himself by meditating, but with so many conflicting emotions in their house Anakin lost focus. He left a note on his desk incase Leia or Han came to check on him in the middle of the night that read simply I'll be back soon. I love you mom and dad.No one said it frequently enough. He knew they wouldn't worry. It wasn't unlike him to wander off at night. Anakin was never the type who liked to stay in one place very long.
Kansas was an entirely different city when the sun set and night time took over. Anakin liked that. It had a feeing that was entirely it's own. At night it was much calmer. The young Jedi could re-focus again. He could think. He liked having time alone to think. Often it got mistaken for shyness. Even his own mother on occasion confused it for that. Anakin wasn't. He was a loner. Before the Jedi Academy at eleven when most other boys were making friends, Anakin's only real friends had been his brother and sister, and threepio. Some times he felt that way in Kansas too, but he wasn't really concerned with it. He was more concerned about surviving the apocalypse, and about his family that appeared to be falling apart at the seems.
Jaina confused him. The things she said lately just didn't make sense. She worried so she left. Who leaves if they worry? Anakin did not leave and he worried. Even when he walked the city at night did he not plan. on leaving to go anywhere except to clear his head from all the stress. Allana didn't leave. Jaina was supposed to be her Master. What kind of Master abandoned their padawan and their family? She had a valid reason. He could understand the will not to be mentally tormented on a monthly basis, but even the recent activity had him doubting his sister's judgement. She was amused at the sudden gender swap. He had tried to help her with Jacen and she dug herself a deeper hole. He didn't understand.
Then there was Jacen. Sith again. Anakin was convinced. He was also pretty convinced that it was stupid of him to ever even try to trust Jacen again. Darth Vader had gotten better at the very end of his cycle of sith, but he also died. If that's what it took for a sith to get better Anakin really didn't know what to think, except maybe he was wise to trust his original instincts when it came to his older brother.
Then there was Cade. Cade who had gone from initially not trusting Anakin as far as he could throw a Bantha, to needing his reassurance that sith could get better. Anakin was ten shades of conflicted on the inside. None of which was supposed to happen to a good Jedi Knight. Conflict and worry lead to the dark side. Anakin knew all these things, but still he could not help but continue to worry. It was all over his face. He missed the simpler times. When he first joined his Uncle's Academy, when he first met Tahiri. He missed Tahiri. She was his sanity in the chaos. Ironically. Considering when he met her the first time at the Jedi Academy he had told her the exact opposite when he first met her.
There was a gentle rain that started to fall from the sky. It wasn't cold or unwanted. To be honest he liked the rain. Anakin held out a hand to touch it and looked around. He realized his feet had taken him back toward Cade's. His brows furrowed. His blue eyes closed as he looked up at the sky and felt the cool water on his face. Almost like yesterday he could hear his Uncle Luke's voice reciting the Jedi Code he cherished and clung to for so many years. The Jedi Code: A Jedi's promise must be the most serious, the deepest commitment of his or her life. A Jedi's strength flows from the Force, and a Jedi uses this strength not to seek adventure or excitement, for a Jedi is passive, calm, and at peace.."
"A Jedi knows that anger, fear, and aggression lead to the dark side. A Jedi uses the Force for knowledge and defense, never for attack. For a Jedi there is no `try,' only `do.' Believe and you succeed. Above all else, know that control of the Force comes only from concentration and training." That was where his problem began and ended with the code. He was doubting himself, he was afraid for the future. He could only walk toward Cade's front steps numbly and sit while the rain fell around him. He didn't know if Cade was there or not, he didn't even try to check. He just wanted a break. The inner turmoil was starting to gnaw at him, He drew his legs to his chest and rested his head on his knees and just listened to the sounds of the on coming storm.