Melinda Halliwell (prudentmel) wrote in wariscoming, @ 2011-07-17 00:15:00 |
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Entry tags: | melinda milligan |
Who: Mel Milligan
What: Narrative
When: 7/16 (night)
Where: Mel and Adam's apartment.
Warnings: Angst and some language.
July 12th, it was the day that he'd died. Or was it July 13th technically? He had died quite near midnight. Had it been on the dot? Mel didn't have any clue. When her husband had gone out to face the hellhounds that were itching to get to him she hadn't been there for him. She hadn't been one of the people to go outside with him. She hadn't even fought with Adam when he'd told her he didn't want her outside of whatever. She hadn't been strong enough to be out there for him. She hadn't even been strong enough to remain with other people. Despite Jules trying to be comforting and be there for her, Mel had snuck off into the bathroom. There she didn't have people worrying about her or people's eyes on her. That's where she'd really lost the composure that she'd had before. That's where the tears just came out in a rush. Everything after that was still somewhat of a blur, honestly. Logically the young witch knew that she hadn't started drinking until she'd gotten home, but nothing between drinking and the bathroom really seemed to matter. She knew logically that she'd seen Adam after he'd been cleaned up, but the tears had been pretty in the way.
While Adam had been alive she knew that it was coming for that last month. that was probably the kicker about the whole thing. She had time to prepare for it. She knew exactly what was coming, but damned if she had just....not been able to prepare for the whole damn thing. She'd spent her time being with Adam constantly. They'd gotten married even though they both knew what was happening. Maybe part of that was to fill his bucket list, give him something that he never thought he'd get to do, but there was love there too. It may have started off as something that they both said, "Why the hell not," to, but it meant much more than that to the both of them. They weren't people that did the whole sappy thing too often, but they did love one another. There were those out there that Mel was pretty sure didn't approve of what they'd done, but as far as she was concerned, fuck them. This was something that she had never found back at home. She wouldn't change the decisions she'd made, not for anything.
Getting shitfaced that first night Adam had been dead...well, Mel didn't regret it in the least. She had been feeling pretty damn awful. She was still feeling that way, but she hadn't spent every night as drunk. The one thing that hadn't changed--she hadn't left the apartment. Mel had been holed up in their apartment and she didn't have any plans of leaving any time soon. She had realized this would all be heard, but she never could have foresaw that it would be this hard. She didn't realize how she'd react. Losing people that you loved was hard, extremely hard, and Mel had lost a man that she'd fallen in love with. At first it had been pretty casual, but somehow it'd happened. Telling one another had taken time, though. Time that she might have thought was short before. Now the time that they'd had together didn't seem like it was anywhere near enough.
Mel didn't really care about work. She hadn't bothered to call about anything as of yet. Then again she pretty much had enough to take care of herself now, not that she cared. Adam had been pretty right on when he'd reminded her not to give it away before he'd died. Mel knew they were married, but she still didn't feel like it was her's. A big part of her felt like she didn't have as much right to be upset as his brothers did, but another part of her knew how damn ridiculous that thought was. She had every right to be upset by losing him and she had every right to that money, even if money didn't matter to her at all. There were so many different thoughts that had gone through her mind since he'd gone...
People worried about her, for good reasons, really. Her mother and her aunt had come to check on her and she'd let them in even though she didn't know that she wanted to be around people. She hadn't wanted them to stay, though. She didn't want anyone seeing her like this. She wouldn't have wanted Adam to see her like this either. She'd seen him through some hard times, though she knew he hadn't left it completely behind. Hell, he'd barely gotten to work through it before she'd died. That was what had caused all of this. She'd died on him and he had to play the hero. He had to bring her back even though that was nowhere near what she wanted him to do. Knowing that he was in hell now because he'd saved her was awful. It was another one of those thoughts that was swinging around in her mind, going back and forth from being at the back of her thoughts to the forefront.
Mel hadn't spent the entire time since that night drunk. That was probably a good thing, but right now. She had needed a drink. That was the reason that she was sitting up in bed. Adam's pillow was lying across her chest and she had a bottle in her hand. The only sound throughout the whole apartment at the moment was soft music. It was the song that Adam had pointed out. Mel took a rather large swig from her bottle as the song ended and then began to repeat yet again. Today she had decided that she needed to listen to it. She knew she had promised Adam she would move on, but right now she wasn't anywhere near ready. Right now she was still mourning the loss. Right now she wasn't ready to face people. right now, Mel needed to just wallow and miss him. Her throat was constricting slightly as the song played. It was almost funny how well the lyrics fit their relationship. She felt the shivers roll down her back as she heard the chorus of the song. She wasn't even aware as she drank, her mind was completely on the song, on Adam, on anything but the bottle in her hand. Before the end of the song she found herself taking the last drink that was left in the bottle.
She didn't even bother to move after that, her head starting to feel just the lightest bit of fuzz in it. It wasn't anything really, but it was enough. Scooting until she was laying down, Mel brought the pillow to her chest, hugging it. She couldn't even help as she sniffed the pillow. It still smelled like him a bit. There weren't any real coherent thoughts as the first few tears leaked out of the corner of her eyes, just emotion. The whole thing just wasn't fair. That was what she found herself zeroing in on as she laid there, not moving. When she was ready she'd make it further than this. She just wasn't ready yet.