Everything that Sam had taught himself and fought for over the past couple months was rapidly fading into the background, easing it's way into a part of his mind where it simply didn't matter anymore, and expanding outward into a place where, eventually, all that hard work and dedication that stood behind Sam recovering from and moving past his addiction planned on vanishing entirely. Everyone else thought that it was bad. They had taken the words 'blood' and 'demon' and had immediately decided right then and there, without the advantage of having experienced what the combination of the two did to a person themselves to appropriately judge the subject, that it was bad and wrong and evil without a single doubt. Ironically, they didn't realize that they were just as well discriminating against Sam himself when that judgment had been made. He was demon in blood. He hadn't always been that way - he had been pure of blood once, for a little while - but that really didn't matter. After all, demons weren't born - they were made.
Not that he was a demon. As back and forth as the battle between Sam and his inner workings happened to be, he would never settle for demon. Not for himself. He was something more than that.
He was much stronger.
It was such a shame that it had taken him so very long to realize it. All the holding back, all the time wasted away on trying to fit in and make everyone happy, because falling into a role that they could accept and be comfortable with had seemed like the right thing to do at the time. But it wasn't, was it? Sam was denying himself his true nature. He was holding back, because he was so afraid to let go.
Ravenous with need for the old taste he once knew, Sam found he was no longer afraid. He was ready to move on. He was ready to feel again. It had taken surprisingly little effort to get Ruby on side with him - Sam hadn't expected her to agree to it at all ; he had anticipated a threat to their relationship, a promise to lock him away, perhaps, but not this - and now that she was so willing, Sam saw very little need to hold back anymore. He drew in a long breath and rose from his chair, brushing past the walls covered in various notes, drawings, maps, and newspaper clippings, attention set on the disturbingly loud thump-thump of Ruby's heartbeat. He shouldn't have been able to hear it, not naturally, but it seemed that something inside of Sam had snapped.
The blood inside of him wanted to be reunited with it's old friend. It was literally calling to Ruby, begging for the warmth that it knew she could bring to it. Sam eagerly abandoned his office and workspace, research on crossroads deals and the Devil thoughtlessly left behind, and quickly made way to the bedroom that he shared with Ruby, the raw smell of sickly sweet blood guiding him along, bringing him to the place where she waited.
There was, of course, a chance that she was setting him up. Sam might have been undeniably desperate, but he wasn't stupid. The last he had checked, she was still very much against him drinking the blood out of loyalty to the him she thought was right or his humanity or something or another. Frankly, Sam couldn't remember which it was in his moment of need, but he knew that Ruby couldn't be trusted until she broke skin and started bleeding into his mouth. Her coming around to him like this? It had happened all too quickly. If Ruby thought that he was losing it and wanted to tie him down in an attempt to take the edge off...
No. He wouldn't let her get that far.
"You promised," Sam said right away. He didn't waste a second. He was hungry beyond reason and he wasn't about to stand around and make with the small talk when he could be drinking her blood. Sam rolled the sleeves to his shirt up and kicked their bedroom door shut behind him. "You can't break your promise, Ruby."