Here he wasn't much better. Sure, he seemed okay, but really he wasn't. Not only out of his own world but out of his own time, surrounded by people from over 100 years in his past. He pretended it didn't bother him, but it did. The rest of the family did the best they could and he appreciated it, but times like these, he just wanted to fall into Blue's arms or have one of his snark-fests with Jariah. Siri was the closest to understanding what he was going through, but who knew when or where she was at any point and time. Right now he needed that understanding, needed someone who could get how alone he felt, and as much as they tried, the Solos never could. Not so long as they had each other.
It was Ossus. It was always Ossus. He'd been okay with the bugs at first. The deaths hurt, but he'd felt death at first, and staggered as it was he'd been able to deal with it. The healing had helped, making him feel like he was making a real difference. It helped counter the deaths. But then Alema had made her masskilling and suddenly he was right there on Ossus. As soon as he'd felt those deaths he wasn't just lost in the memory of Ossus, he was there again, with every sense memory blazing as intense as it had been that day. Cade wasn't smart enough to know that this was textbook Post Traumatic Stress Disorder, but it wouldn't have mattered much if he had known. Since then, the nightmares had been more vivid, more real than they had been in years, and that was why he'd been steadily getting worse. Maybe he would stabilize eventually, maybe not. But it didn't matter. Even if he did stabilize, even if he did climb out of that hole, this demon would still haunt him. It would be with him every day for the rest of his life until he didn't have one.