InsaneJournal

Everything was wrong. Dean was back to himself - that dark power crackling under his skin had disappeared, but instead of relief, it had just left him with a gaping wound on his soul and a path of destruction everywhere he’d been. So, yeah, his first impulse - after making sure Mom was okay, in the hospital, being taken care of - had been to hide, and to drink until he could breathe, until his hands stopped shaking. In the morning, he had regretted it - but he hadn’t made much of an effort to make the discomfort go away. He deserved worse than a hangover, right now.

He was at least mostly-sober now, but he didn’t really feel much like he was. His head was still all woozy, either from the headache or the emotions that were trying to swallow him whole, or maybe because he wasn’t eating, hadn’t had anything to drink that wasn’t alcohol. He knew this wasn’t a good way to take care of himself, but at the moment he just didn’t really care. Same way he didn’t really care that he probably looked like some kind of bum, sitting in the middle of the park in the same clothes he’d slept in (what little sleep he actually got, anyway, which was more thanks to passing out than anything) the night before. The same clothes he’d been wearing when he fought his mother...

Dean wasn’t sure what he was supposed to do now. He couldn’t just leave, not until he got a chance to apologize to her, wasn’t even sure where he’d go if he did leave. He needed to get a chance to apologize to Caroline, and Juliet, too - he’d had no real reason to torture Caroline like he’d done, and it had been his fault Juliet had been a target for her own torture. And his whole family - he owed them more apologies than he knew how to give out, he didn’t even have words for how sorry he was for what he’d done and what he had said to them...

Lack of any idea what to do meant a lot of sitting around and drinking was probably in his future. And he kept getting messages from Anna, that angel girl who he’d apparently hooked up with back pre-amnesia, who wanted to talk, but he knew talking wasn’t going to solve any of this. Especially not now, after he’d systematically shoved every member of his family away from him.

You can turn around now, her message said, and he rolled his eyes and looked over his shoulder, expecting to see the redhead somewhere close by.