seeley booth (hates_clowns) wrote in wariscoming, @ 2011-02-17 23:10:00 |
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Entry tags: | seeley booth |
Who: Booth [A narrative]
What:bad things.
When: tonight around 2ish am in the morning.
Where: a bar, and then the streets.
Warnings: doom.
There were few things Seeley Booth could say he loved anymore. The only thing he could honestly think of was his job if asked. He was an FBI Agent to the core. If not for it, he wouldn't know what to do with himself, or who he even was. He knew things were different in Kansas, he had to be a little bendier with the laws thanks to the apocalypse but he was still a good Agent. Every day he was on the job he was working to save a life, or find a truth and that was important.
Lately there was a seed of doubt in the back of his mind. Bela. He'd taken a life illegally. It wasn't for the government, he couldn't legally justify it in any way. There were all kinds of loopholes, but every time he tried to look for one his mind did what it always would and rerouted back to the truth of the matter. He had committed a murder. Taken a life. She wasn't an innocent life, she posed a threat and that could give him official legal grounds but in his mind and heart he knew better.
Sam had told him it was different and he'd accepted it, but just because he accepted it did not mean he was coping with it. Taking a life without an order was not something Seeley Booth was mentally prepared for. Physically yes he was capable. He was capable without hesitation to pull the trigger and terminate a target. He was formally trained. Those were different times. Those were orders. This? This was almost cold blooded. He and Sam had hunted Bela down and killed her. He hadn't even flinched at the time. That was the part that scared him. He could make all the excuses he wanted about the situation, but in the end he was just scared.
He had been for a long time since he first summoned Crowley at the crossroads and sealed his deal with the demon. His faith in God had wavered and with that his sense of being. He'd always had a strong unbreakable connection with God, until Kansas and the Angels came into the picture, and until he personally witnessed the post apocalyptic future. He put on a good face afterward, attended church with Quinn on Sunday's, even prayed. But in his heart, he couldn't justify a damn bit of it. thanks to said deal. His faith was shot. It was all a lie, and without God, Booth was lost.
He leaned on alcohol for comfort rather then really confiding in people he called his friends. Addiction ran in his family, his father had been an abusive drunk bastard, his brother caught it too. Booth wasn't certain how..but if he had to guess it was by example. His old man was a piece of work. Drank infront of them as kids and took out his rage on them. If not for his grandfather coming to their rescue, Seeley would have killed himself. Though he owed the man a great deal, he hadn't came out unscathed. He had an addiction to gambling. He'd seen it as a source to win money to pay for food and whatever else he needed that his good for nothing father hadn't supplied, with it came a taste for liquor. The two went hand in hand, but Booth was far more attached to the gambling. He gambled for hours in the early after noon and late into the evening, often forgetting to show up for jobs and keep appointments. Then everything came to a halt. He'd ridden to high on the horse and lost it all in a single fell swoop.
That's what this felt like. Almost in a clean cut he'd lost everything. His soul, Bela, Buffy, Lavender, and his future. Nine years he had left..Nine drinks he'd finished. He wasn't going to be around to see his kid turn twenty..The bar he sat at was one he frequented these days after a hard case, or tiring day he retired to the bars if he didn't have Parker. It wasn't every day, but enough to pose a problem. Eliot often had tried to call him out, but Seeley brushed it off. It was a party. he'd said. Or it was a bad case, he insisted. The truth was he couldn't stop. The feeling he got from a glass of scotch at the end of the day was something he looked forward to. It was numbing. It meant when he went home to his apartment after another day of death and an endless cycle of violence that he would be able to go to sleep at night without laying awake and thinking about hell.
He raised a hand for another glass, and his bar tender looked at him skeptically. "M'fine. " He slurred drunkenly and pointed down to his empty glass. "'Nother." Booth's features were hard set, but the man behind the counter couldn't bring himself to serve another drink. "You're cut off Agent..Keys. " Seeley made a sound most disgruntled bar goers did when there source of comfort was suddenly stripped away, but he handed over the car keys to the man and left.
The bar was closing, and Booth couldn't stay. He wished he could for a millisecond. Kitty had Parker, Lavender was off in some foreign place, Bones was probably up working on some bone related thing at the new lab he'd set her up with. That seemed like a good place to go. Find bones. When he was around her, he didn't feel as scared. Why hand't he thought of it earlier? His mind was too foggy to play tug of war. It was too foggy to even keep his body up right stably, but he was trying to walk none the less. He was trying to cross an intersection he could swear was the correct direction to go in.
He waited for the cross walk he could barely see in the distance to turn green, and started walking. It was a sluggish and slow pace, his senses were all depleted thanks to the liquor. He didn't have time to react to or see a car flying around a corner like a bat out of hell right in his direction. By the time he even looked up it was too late. Like a deer in headlights he froze as the vehicle plowed into him head on. The car slid with him a short distance until the driver realized he'd hit something and slammed on the breaks.
His head cracked against the pavement of the side walk where the force of the car had thrown him. Everything was blurrier then before, and blood pooled under him. He was barely conscious by the time he heard a distant voice, some kind of, apology and promises for an ambulance. Then driver fled the scene, and Booth lost consciousness. He was still alive, but barely. Seeley thought he could hear the sounds of sirens in the distance, but he couldn't even open his eyes. So it was possible it was just the ringing in his head of shock and total fear in over drive.