Jaina Solo (tricksterjaina) wrote in wariscoming, @ 2011-01-18 21:44:00 |
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Entry tags: | gabriel, jaina solo |
Who? Jaina and Gabriel
What? Jaina's all despairingly slothful. Gabe does not approve.
Where? ROOF.
When? At/around the point of this blank comm-post.
Rating? Not crazy-terrifying, but contains suicidal thoughts.
Jaina wasn’t sure what she was doing - there was a tiny part of her that said this was stupid, and illogical, but that part of her was overwhelmed by the realization that all of this, everything she did here, was completely pointless. She knew that just a week or so ago, she had been happy. She couldn’t remember what it felt like now, though, drowning in despair and weariness and the feeling of something sharp being driven through her chest as Jacen’s words and lack of caring ran back through her head, again and again.
He didn’t care. He didn’t need her. He’d be fine without her, same as everyone else. Everyone, with their emotions running high and her senses unable to tune them out. Everyone who was going to die when the world ended. She didn’t want to see it again, didn’t want to feel it when they all died. If she was dead...
If she was dead, she wouldn’t.
Anakin had died. Jacen had died. Maybe it was her turn.
It was cold, and a little windy. She hadn’t brought a jacket, but she couldn’t be bothered worrying about the cold; it wasn’t like it mattered, anyway, right? She wasn’t entirely sure why she was on the roof - this wasn’t how she wanted to go, if she was really considering it, this wasn’t how it would end. This would be too public, too...
...but at least then someone would know. And it was easier, it would just be falling. It would feel like flying, and it wouldn’t hurt in the end, and if she did it some other way she’d have to get off the roof a different way and she didn’t have the energy for that. Or for anything - even trying to post some kind of a good-bye message to the network was too hard, words too thin and clumsy to work for what she needed to say. She didn’t even know what to say, what it would matter if she did - even Jacen didn’t care.
She set her phone aside and then leaned back on her hands, eyes falling closed. She’d just rest for a few minutes, and then she’d have the energy to do something - to go back inside, maybe, or to actually step over the edge. Something other than sitting here.