It had to stay secret. Of course it did. For more reasons than Sam knew yet, but that didn't mean she couldn't resent it, she sometimes wanted to scream it in Dean's face, make Sam explain it to his brother and tell him that she was off limits. That she wasn't to be hurt. That she was helping him It was even true to her mind. She was helping Sam. Everything would be better.
"Is it the blood, is that what he'd flip out at or is it me in general?"
It was a question she wouldn't have asked under normal circumstances, especially with the expression on his face. He was telling her he loved her, that it didn't matter what anyone said, what Dean said being judgemental. It didn't matter. So why did it bother her so much.
"I'll do everything I can for you. And I love you, I do. But someday soon Dean's just going to snap and demand answers. You need something to tell him, maybe...maybe go on a hunt or two, leave me for a while. I'll see what I can do about finding Lilith. We'll work something out. But maybe its better..."
It made her heart hurt. But things would get like this sometimes. Before it was all better again. He'd come back to her if for no other reason than sooner or later the blood would call to him. He'd need it.
And he did love her. He said so.
"Listen to me?" she laughed "You need to focus, you need to be a Hunter here, and you have me here, making it worse, making it harder. I shouldn't have come out with you"