It was horrible. But Sam had learned over those past few months in Dean's absence that difficult choices sometimes had to be made. Drinking demon blood, accepting his abilities. He never really thought that it'd have to come to this, but Sam was actually considering going through with murder and the thought terrified him.
Terror seemed to be the theme of the hour.
Her reassurances, for maybe the first time in a long while, weren't as comforting as before. But Sam leaned into her touch anyway, hoping that it would bring forth some kind of feeling beyond what was inside him now.
She kissed him, then Sam found himself looking into her eyes with confusion. She seemed so certain of him. He didn't think he'd ever understand it. "Thanks," he said, looking her over thoughtfully, "that means a lot." And it did, even if he still didn't get why. Closing his eyes, Sam leaned toward Ruby and focused on giving her a final nudge with his mind before he eased up and released his hold on her. It was mentally exhausting. He needed a break.