"I know I hurt you," Sam admitted. "Every day, I know I do. It matters. Or maybe it doesn't, I guess. I'm still sorry. I want you to know, s'all." Sam did mean it, even if he was planning on taking off on her later. He was sorry for a lot of things. For being so weak and letting his family down. Breaking Ruby. The millions of lives that had been ruined because of him; the millions that had been killed, tortured, and ripped to shreds - literally, with his own hands. At the thought, Sam flexed his fingers back and forth underneath Ruby's hold, remembering the feel of skin tearing and warm blood trickling thickly down his wrists and over his palms. So many dead. So many gone. "Sorry," Sam repeated, face twisting with worry. "I thought it was okay. I just wanted to go see what the other kids were doing, I was just - no, no." Sam turned his head to the side and stared off at the wall ashamedly. "I won't do it again."
All the other kids got to play. Hang out. Talk about sports, girls, school - whatever. Sam was stuck here, with research. Research before homework. Hunting was far more important. That was his life; his future. He wasn't going anywhere anytime soon. Sighing miserably, Sam pushed an arm up, reaching for a book that didn't exist. He found that he couldn't move his arm though. There was a woman sitting on top of him. Strange. Where had she come from?
Oh.
"Have you ever considered stopping? You say it hurts and I know it's killing you on the inside, so..." Sam drew in a deep breath and shifted uncomfortably underneath her. "I thought maybe you would have stopped. Maybe. Better to stop caring than to suffer." Sam pushed up against her grip, eyes narrowing at the name that spilled from Ruby's mouth. He couldn't up and ignore it like he used to, back before all this Lucifer stuff happened. The name came out and Sam snapped every time, without fail. "Azazel. Yellow eyes. He killed my mother, you know. Pinned her right up on my ceiling and made her burn. Made me watch. I don't remember watching, but I did." His eyes glazed over a little as Sam sank deep into thought. "Do you know what he did, Ruby?" His voice came out soft there. It stood out considerably in contrast to the repeated question that he yelled soon after. "Do you know what he did?! Sam couldn't fight her off. He couldn't throw his arms out and yell, he couldn't do anything. Ruby was sitting on him. She was holding him down and there was nothing he could do to avenge his mother. He had to kill him. "He made me this way. Made me dirty and wrong and it's his fault. Don't you see? He's not...I'm not...hey. Hey!" Sam suddenly smiled, as if he hadn't been angry or upset at all in the slightest. "There you are. I've been looking all over the place for you. Are you ready to go? I reserved our seats, but I don't know how long they'll hold up if we're late. Even Angelina and Brad can't get into this place by name and face alone."