Ruby didn’t understand why he was laughing, what was funny about... Oh, Oh of course. He assumed she was on top of him, pinning him down, talking about tying him down and that meant sex. She supposed once upon a time it would have, even if it would have been somewhat of a reversal. But now, with him like this, the thought hadn’t even crossed her mind. But he was right, this wasn’t fun. Nothing about this even close to resembled fun. Him talking about taking his clothes off. A few years ago this could have been something between husband and wife, something exciting and fun. But not now, now it was complicated. “It’s not about kinky” she told him shrugging but not relenting on her hold on him. “It’s not about anything it used to be about because that's not what we are anymore is it. Life changed, we both changed, didn’t we. You said yes and I went back because where else did you expect me to go when its more than obvious I was second in your life. Second best. Azazel never thought that about me.” It was cruel, it wasn’t even what she really believed but with everything he’d made her feel in the last few minutes she wanted to hurt him. Wanted him to feel just for a moment how she felt right now. What else was she supposed to think when she had been abandoned because Sam had lost all hope or whatever. He’d said yes, and when she’d found out about it her heart had broken. There had been no point in pretending like she was happy. And then Lucifer had come to her, he’d offered her chances like this, chances to see Sam, and she’d taken it. And she felt bad for Dean and what her betrayal would mean. She really did, it wasn’t his fault really any more than it was Sam’s. Maybe it was John’s fault. Maybe he’d left them alone too much, depending on each other to stay safe and now they couldn’t change it. She’d known marrying him that he and his brother had been the only thing the other had for a long time and she’d never wanted to take that bond away. But she also hadn’t expected it to tear them apart. And now that it had it had left her bitter, angry. And right back in the demon fold where she’d started. That didn’t mean she regretted her marriage, far from it. She was here. She was with him when he needed her and on some level she knew he wanted his family too. But that couldn’t happen. They had abandoned him to his fate hoping only to kill him to save him. Ruby wouldn’t do that, couldn’t do that, and yet she was pretty sure that once again she’d managed to disappoint him.
She wasn’t at all sure what to make of it when he started to apologise to her. Was this a ruse? A way to get out of her grip so he could try to kill himself again. She wasn’t going to let that happen. “Sam, it doesn’t matter, why would it matter now, we’re long since past apologies. I love you. I’m always going to love you, no matter what and even though I really don’t understand how you could say yes when you knew it’d break my heart, It doesn’t change anything. I’d do anything for you. But that, what you want me to do, I couldn’t. Ruby looked down at him, grip still tight and unbreakable but the pain in her eyes unmistakable for what it was. She needed him. “We have one day, you and me. Who knows however long we have left. And you owe me, don’t you think. I remember you promising me forever time and time again. You said we could face anything as long as we had each other and you lied to me. So however much it hurts, you’re going to be my husband today. There’ll be no more talk of my choices, or Dean. Or the apocalypse. You’re just going to be here with me, okay?” It wasn’t a lot she was asking for. He was right, she didn’t deserve this, any of this and she’d take her apology today. Ruby wanted her husband back, and maybe this was the best she could get.