That was why he couldn't tell her. Ruby wouldn't get why Sam had said yes because she didn't understand the importance of something as simple as two brothers with a bond stronger than words could possibly begin to convey. Sam closed his eyes tightly and tried to listen for him, but he wasn't there. Still, Sam opened his mouth and quietly said: "Jerk."
Sam let another long moment of silence go by. Then he opened his eyes and looked up at Ruby, easily noting the pain in her eyes. She was right. She didn't deserve this. Ruby had gone so far. She had turned her back on everything that she was for him and this is what Sam had given her in return. Pain. Endless suffering. "I'm sorry," Sam said sadly, "You don't deserve what I put you through. It's not your fault, it's mine. I'm so sorry." Sam had to wonder why she even bothered. If he made her hurt this much, if he made her this angry and miserable...why? Why suffer any longer? Why do terrible things for someone like Lucifer for moments with the man who had made her like this to begin with? She deserved better. Someone who could be with her all the time. Someone who could keep her warm at night, protect her, tell her that they were gonna make it through the apocalypse, whether it was true or not. Ruby needed to be loved and Sam couldn't do that anymore. Not when he was trapped inside of Lucifer, rapidly turning into nothing. He'd soon be a shell. What would Ruby do then? Who would she visit? Who would she talk to?
"I'm sorry," Sam said again, this time a little louder. He could be nice for a while, maybe. Then before all his time ran out, he'd leave. Sneak off when Ruby wasn't paying attention, find someplace where people would shoot him down on sight. Ruby wouldn't have to see when it happened either, so it was a good plan. He could do this. Sam could still finish what he had started. "Can I put on some clothes? Something different? I don't like these pants. They're his. And I need a shirt..."