Sam was getting ready to bolt for one of the various drawers stacked on the other side of the room when the door roughly swung open and slammed him back a few paces. Ruby was quick to follow and, before Sam could process half of what was going on, he found himself sprawled flat on his back against the tiled floor. Grunting in disapproval, Sam glared off at Ruby stubbornly, not pleased in the slightest that she had gone completely against what he'd asked her to do. It was logical. Sam had been begging Ruby to kill him only moments before. To think that, combined with his current unstable state of mind, she would so much as consider leaving Sam alone for more than a few seconds at a time...well. Ruby wouldn't. Sam had hoped that maybe she would have if he offered her something she wanted - like that tidbit of information she'd been digging for since he'd woken - but it didn't seem very likely that she'd be so quick to agree to his terms. Ruby knew him too well - even now. Even when he was too insane to understand himself half of the time, she still did. Sam didn't know how, but she did.
"You won't do it," Sam said in a desperate voice. "You won't do what has to be done, so someone needs to. If that's gotta be me..." Sam scowled as she flopped down next to him, moving to lay on the ground at his side yet again. He didn't want to do this. Lay around and talk about how wrong she was. Ruby was wrong. The only way to end all of this was to deprive Lucifer of his vessel. If he was dead, he'd be gone. If he was dead, Lucifer wouldn't have anyone to walk around in. He'd be useless and Sam needed for him to be useless. He wouldn't be able to kill Dean then. Lucifer wouldn't even be able to tell Ruby what to do anymore. She'd be free again, Dean would be able to live in a world that they could find a way to fix...
Sam needed them to have that chance. He had been stupid before to think that the end was all that there was. Sam had been stupid to give up hope. Seeing the world from Lucifer's eyes, watching all the terrible things that he did to the people that he loved...Sam couldn't do it anymore. Maybe they wouldn't win, but at least they would have a chance. It was more than what they had been given before. Sam had screwed up; he had condemned them all to hell the second that he'd said yes to Lucifer. Sam knew that. Looking at Ruby alone, tears sliding down her cheeks as she lay next to him, Sam knew. He had destroyed everything and everyone. But he could make it right, maybe, if he tried hard enough. His sacrifice wouldn't be the heroic one people would brag about in stories - no, Sam would undoubtedly be viewed as another Judas should the world survive this apocalypse - but it was still something Sam felt he had to do.
"She doesn't get it. She'll never get it." Sam curled to the side, turning his back to Ruby entirely. He didn't want to watch her cry. It killed him on the inside more than she would ever truly know whenever Sam saw her like that. He wouldn't watch, just like he didn't want her to watch, because even though Ruby wasn't cutting herself into pieces with a knife, she was still dying. Her heart was in pain and everything around her was a mess, the man she loved included. Sam didn't want to watch her die. It was cruel. "She loves you too much. She can't get it, Sam," Sam muttered against the floor. "Don't expect her to. Don't get mad - I'm not mad, but she's gonna have to deal with it. It's happening, I've only got one shot. Only one day."
One day.
Sam pressed his hands to the floor and pushed to his feet again. If Ruby wanted to fight him, then fine. They'd fight it out. But he had to do this. Sam had to die.