Ruby wasn't going to do it. She was too stubborn. Too greedy. Even back when they had been together and in love, Sam had known that. Demons were greedy. Ruby was greedy. Her greed then, though, had been all right. She had been well intentioned. She was allowed to want things for herself. In that sense, Sam had been greedy too, mostly. But now the world was at stake. Now Sam had watched everything fall apart, first-hand, and he didn't want to endure it any longer. He had made a mistake. He wouldn't be free from Lucifer's hold for much longer. Sam had to make this right. If Ruby wouldn't kill him, Sam would just have to find another way. He would find someone else. Or maybe, more to the point, Sam would just finish it himself. At the thought, Sam turned and made a beeline for the kitchen. Okay, What he thought might have been the kitchen. Sam didn't know which room it was in; he'd find it though, after a bit of exploring. He had to find it. Kitchens were good. They had tools for cooking. For preparation. For slicing, cutting, and chopping. All he'd need to do was find a blade sharp enough. Sam could finish it himself.
"We're home now, aren't we, Ruby?" Sam paused halfway down the front hall, stopping to look over at Ruby in concern. She didn't look well. Like maybe something was wrong. Was there something wrong? "Are you all right?" He reached out again, fingers brushing some of her hair out of her eyes in one single, fluid motion like he had done so many times before in the past. It felt right. Normal. "Maybe you should lay down for a while. We're home, Ruby. This is home."
Ah, right. The kitchen. Sam started moving again, any and all concern that he had for Ruby immediately dropping from his face and vanishing into a sense of direct urgency. It took a few seconds longer, but Sam eventually found the kitchen. He pushed through the swinging door, stepping in front of it when it swang back shut so that Ruby couldn't push the door without hitting him. He was in the way. She'd have to either shove him hard onto the ground to get through or wait on the other side. Sam folded his arms over his chest and planted his feet to the ground firmly, eyes darkening furiously. "Dean isn't going to die. I won't let him. I won't. Now you just stay there and be good." Sam stepped in closer to the door, peering out through the crack so that he was able to see Ruby's face. "Don't make me hurt you."
He didn't want to hurt her. He loved her, even if she was twisted and wrong and not the Ruby he remembered falling in love with. Sam understood that this was his fault. Ruby was like this because he had been weak and pathetic. She hadn't known what to do, she hadn't known how to deal, and now she was suffering for it because of him. Everyone was suffering for it because of him. "Stay there and I'll tell you everything you want to know." Sam might have been crazy, but he was still smart. If Ruby would stay on the other side and listen, it'd give him enough time to distract her while he dug up a knife. He'd finish it before she had any idea. "Deal? You're a demon. It's a deal. You like deals." Sam laughed, leaning against the door brightly. "I'll give you a deal, baby. You want me to kiss you? Or will you just stay there? Stay there and be nice. I'll tell you what you want to know, I promise. I don't want you to look. I don't want you to see." He didn't want Ruby to see a number of things. How crazy he really was. How he wasn't the hero she had painted him out to be. More to the point: Sam didn't want Ruby to see him now. He didn't want her to watch him with the knife. She wouldn't like it. Ruby would try to stop him.