Every word that he said was a dagger in her heart. It wasn't entirely fair. He had painted her as this other evil Ruby, this horrible monster that had betrayed him but that wasn't what she was. No this was his fault too. Oh she knew it was wrong. It wasn't supposed to be like this. This was his fault just as much as it was hers. This, everything since Detroit had been new and confusing and she hadn't had a plan. "You told me You told me if you died what to do. You didn't tell me what to do if you said yes. You didn't tell me how it would be if you gave in to Lucifer. If you'd died I'd have done what you said, fought on, been there for your family. But this, you're alive. You're trapped and he lets me see you sometimes don't you get it? I didn't know what else to do. You didn't tell me what I was supposed to do if you said yes to him."
He'd never understand, he wasn't able to see beyond that she was going to let Lucifer hurt Dean. Kill his brother. "And you know, You never told me why you did it. Why I wasn't enough to keep you from doing what you did?" If she was honest with herself it had broken her more than all the horrible things in her life. That Sam had walked away and into this for whatever stupid noble reason had shattered any final attempt at humanising the demon. He'd done this to her. Did he even know that? Or did it come down to Dean again. He was saying she wasn't his Ruby, 'His Ruby' would never do anything like this? Did he see for a second what he'd done to his Ruby? What'd he'd taken away from her? She didn't think he did.
She watched as he threw the white suit jacket as far away from him as he could and started on the shirt. Of course it was dirty. She knew what he meant, what he always meant. It was stained in blood and in death and it wasn't him. She had clothes more suited to him if he wanted them. "Do you want to look more like yourself? We can do that, we can get you wearing normal clothes, would you like that?" If he'd even talk to her that was, if he'd get past the fact that she was going to help Lucifer. That Dean would die. She thought sometimes that if he did that the last of her husband would die with him. She was going to ask Lucifer, beg him to lock Sam deep down as far as he could go so he didn't have to see that. Sam and Dean...well everyone said it. There was a co dependance there that even a wife couldn't have any hope of breaking. And Dean had never let anyone into his heart long enough either. Ruby would never match up to his brother.
Maybe that's why he'd said yes.
"Was I not good enough?" she muttered, moving across to the window and looking out, indeed there were demons, stationary, watching, waiting. Probably hoping she'd screw up so they could kill her. They didn't know the chance she had here. But of course Lucifer knew her. He knew she couldn't kill Sam. She'd come too far in this to loose him now. "I can't give you that other Ruby, she's gone. This is the only Ruby you have. Deal with it"