InsaneJournal

Tweak says, "Christmas at ground zero!"

Anya Jenkins enjoys money (sexpoodle) wrote in wariscoming,
@ 2010-10-09 13:30:00

Entry tags:

anya jenkins, xander harris

Who: Anya Jenkins and Xander Harris
What: They very much need to talk
Where: Xander's Apartment
When: A day or two after she arrives. Early Evening
Rating: TBD
Status: In Progress

She really really didn't want to do this. It was all in her past, she'd moved on, gone on to find herself away from being a demon or a girlfriend or...well she'd never quite managed the wife bit. She'd discovered who Anya Jenkins really was and she'd accepted that. Of course the dying had been unexpected. But she'd stayed and fought with her friends, strange as the concept was to the thousand year old ex demon. When the Mayor had attacked Anya had run for the hills but she'd come back to Sunnydale and fallen in love. And even now... Stupid man and his stupid ability to make her completely ridiculous and worried and flustered at what to say. She knew Prue was right and she had to tell him all of the truth. About the frat boys, about fighting Buffy about Hallie, and becoming human again.

It hadn't been her finest hour.

Still, at least he knew about the sex with Spike. It might have been harder to get him to look at her like something other than a slime demon if he hadn't. He was from when they'd fought Willow. Anya had helped then too as much as she could. It hadn't been a fun experiance. Vengence Demon or not Willow had been scary and veiny and broken inside. So broken Anya would gladly have given vengence to that Warren if Willow hadn't done it herself. But Xander had fixed her. Made her....well he hadn't made her not-broken. But he'd done something, just been there, been him. He was always just him. Just kind like that, sweet and always a presence designed to make everything better.

And now she had to hurt him all over again with her story. Because for a while he hadn't been the one to make everything better. He'd made things confusing and her heart had hurt. She'd gotten lost in the vengence, and what happened on their wedding day hadn't been his fault but it had happened. She didn't hate him for it now but she had then. She had so much. And then there was this place, he was here, and he was Xander and he was wonderful and sexy and maybe there had been other women. Less crazy, less former demony women. Women that she wasn't sure she wanted to know about. But thinking about those made her heart hurt more so she didn't. Instead she found herself outside his door, bearing the chips and beer she knew he would need to make this conversation less painful. Xander liked when there was chips and beer. Simple pleasures. She knocked sharply, a knock she was sure he'd recognise as her. "Xander, can you let me in please. The bag is heavy." She paused, worried that maybe the knock wasn't enough, it had been a long time after all. "It's Anya." she added with a false brightness to her words. She was worried about this.

(Read comments) - (Post a new comment)

xander_shaped
2010-11-02 02:03 pm UTC (link)

Xander didn't want to think about the dancing, singing demon that had struck Sunnydale because of his naivety. Not only because it had been a stupid, stupid decision on his part, what with the summoning the demon on purpose and all that, but because thinking about moments like he and Anya dancing around their apartment, singing about how they were going to get married and all their unpleasant insecurities (or how they weren't going to think about the unpleasant insecurities that they had) made him wish he could turn back time and re-live those moments all over again. Xander gripped at his beer, feeling more than unable to drink it. Maybe he wouldn't. Maybe he'd just cling to it throughout this entire conversation in hopes that it would keep him grounded. Yes, that was right. Beer, foamy beer, was going to save him from the wrath of his unfortunate, annoying emotions. Beer and chips. Possibly his 007 DVD's peering at him from the shelves, too. What Xander really needed to do was channel his inner Bond. What would Bond do right now? He'd rake a hand through his hair, lean back on the couch in a casual, suave-like way, and tell Anya that it was all good, darling, because he was a secret agent and a badass and...Xander needed to stop relying on fictional, not-real characters to get him through this chat. Of course, if Bond actually wanted to show up here, Xander would be cool with that. He wouldn't have been the first fictional character to drop into his life.

Bond showing up wouldn't be a bad thing either. 'Cause, right now, Xander felt like he'd be taking in the information that Anya was throwing him a lot better than Xander was right now. "I probably made you reverse that wish because I didn't want you getting anyone killed," Xander pointed out. "Which, by the way, I seemed to be right about since you did get someone killed." Xander shot her a look of disapproval. He should have expected it. She had jumped back into the vengeance fold after he had left her at the alter. Sometimes, though, Xander had a hard time seeing Anya as a ruthless killer. He forgot about how crazy that demonic side of her got, but that was because he had gotten so used to the warm, loving, slightly confused and tactless Anya that he knew and loved today.

He couldn't hold what she did against her though. It was partly his fault for letting her go and breaking her heart. Anya never would have went back if it weren't for him and they both knew it. Xander looked down at his beer quietly, guilt springing up without delay. He hated himself for leaving her. "Self-sacrifice, huh? Never figured you for the type. That's kind of..." Xander looked over at Anya cautiously. First he learned that Anya died because she wanted to stay back and fight for the right reasons rather than run off, then he found out that Anya had been willing to undo her mistakes to save the lives of others in exchange for her own existence. Xander was kind of proud. She really had come a long way from being that lost ex-demon he had met back in high school. And even though Xander thought that she could have avoided the whole vengeance thing altogether (still his fault), he found that he couldn't get mad at her for what she had done to that fraternity. It was hard, getting mad at her in general these days. It all usually came back to being his fault somehow, without fail. "I'm sorry about Halfrek."

Xander didn't want to think about the rest. If that was what he had to look forward to when and if he got back to Sunnydale, Xander wasn't too sure if he wanted to go back. Anya massacring people, Buffy trying to kill her...Xander didn't think he could take it.

(Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

sexpoodle
2010-11-03 08:16 am UTC (link)

He had gone silent, staring around his apartment and Anya inwardly narrowed down the things it could be this being Xander. There was a list. She followed his gaze and spotted the bunch of DVD's on the wall fixture before laughing in spite of herself. "You're imagining being Bond aren't you. Or at least him being here" she asked him. She would expect nothing less. Its possible she knew him too well. Or at least about his Bond fantasies. She'd fulfilled them before in the name of kinky fun. She'd never worked out why all the women had such silly names either. Nonetheless that meant he didn't know what to say. How to react to her, he was worried, and he hadn't completely liked what he'd heard. She hadn't thought he would. The things she'd done. The people she'd hurt and it had all been because her love for him had gotten her hurt. Men were complicated. Confusing. And Xander most of all. Vengence had definitely been easier.

"You did make me reverse it." she told him, remembering. "You appealed to my better nature and it worked. But then they started saying I was weak. The other vengence demons. They called me soft serve. Said there was no way I could get my knack for the job back and that it was sad because at one time I had been the best, and a man had changed me. I...went a little mad I think. Took vengence on those boys in that Fraternity. And the price to reverse it was...was Hallie." It had been her fault her friend was dead, there was no denying that, none at all. She nodded softly to Xander's sympathy. "You were right and I should have listened to you but you'd broken my heart. I couldn't think about anything but that."

She hadn't wanted to fight Buffy, or get stabbed, again. That had been less than fun. But the Slayer had had no choice and Anya understood that. "Buffy was being the Slayer. I'd expect nothing less, and it won't happen again. Back home I'm..." Dead. "I stayed and fought. I had to. It was the right thing to do wasn't it? Even with what happened?" She'd never thought she'd see him again to ask him any of this. She'd died. "I thought about you. Right at the end, I remember wondering would you be proud of me or cross with me for being so sloppy and inefficiant as to die." Anya drank down more of her beer, it was an awkward conversation to even consider with a Xander from when he was.

"I'm sorry I died" she told him. "I wanted to continue fixing us"

(Reply to this) (Parent)

(Read comments) -