WHO: Sam & Azazel WHAT: It's a reunion! Sort of. WHEN: Late night. WHERE: Dreamland. RATING: PG-13.
It was nice, being back in his apartment again. For the longest time, Sam had been pretty sure that being able to stay in the same home as Ruby -- let alone even be around her at all -- was a definite impossibility. His addiction was too strong. If he slipped up, even once, Sam knew that was it. He wouldn't be coming back up the rabbit hole a second time. The blood would take his mind and Sam would become...something. Something bad. Not that he was anything too respectable now with the Apocalypse being his fault, but at least he wasn't out there standing at Lucifer's side doing his bidding or something stupid. He wasn't evil. A monster, yes, but not the kind of monster that people needed to worry about. Not if he was able to fight off his need for the demon blood. So far, he had been successful. Successful enough, in fact, that Sam finally felt like he was able to stay in the apartment that he and Ruby shared once again. It was surprising to find that he was physically able to withstand being in her company for extended periods of time, but Sam mostly gave Epiphany's potions the credit for that. It drove his cravings back a little. Made things easier. Not that something like that stopped Sam his cravings entirely; Sam still had random bursts that required him to leave the area entirely for Ruby's sake, which was unfortunate since Sam never knew when they were going to happen. They came out of nowhere, especially at the most inconvenient of times. That was why, for the time being, Sam wasn't sleeping in their bedroom. He had taken up the guest room at the opposite end of the hall, making due with the spare bed.
It bothered him. He would have much preferred holding Ruby in his arms at night over reducing himself to playing the role of a man who was barely allowed to touch the demon woman that he loved. But it was necessary. If he stuck with it and kept his head on straight long enough to fully deal with his addiction, he'd be able to hold her again. Hopefully.
Even so, the road to recovery was never meant to be an easy one. He still had his bad nights -- tonight, in particular, being one of them. Groaning, Sam rolled onto his back and stared up at the ceiling. He had been sprawled in bed for hours, seemingly unable to fall asleep. The bed wasn't comfortable enough, his mind was filled with distractions, and Sam simply couldn't stop thinking about how close Ruby and her blood happened to be. Breathing out slowly, Sam raised a hand and ran it over his face. Maybe he'd ditch the bed for the night. Dig up his laptop, do some research, find some kind of bearable distraction until that desperate feeling in his gut washed over. Pushing the tangled sheets from his body, Sam slid over to the edge of the bed. He didn't get up. Instead, Sam dropped his feet onto the floor and leaned forward, sitting with his elbows on his knees and his hands on either side of his face.