"Yeah, except no one has to tell me not to think about anything. Even before I was trying to call it quits, demon blood was the only thing that was ever really on my mind." Demon blood and Lilith. Lilith and demon blood. Now that one option was eliminated, there was only really one left to focus on. It didn't help that the option was something he favored either. Sam shifted on his bed, elbows resting along his knees as he leaned forward and clasped his hands together. Martha coming here wasn't something that she was entirely obligated to do. Sam had asked for her help. In return, Martha had agreed to do what she could for him. But Sam had never expected for her to stick around once he cracked that final seal open and let Lucifer out of his cage. As it turned out, he had been wrong about her. Sam didn't know if he was supposed to think her loyal or stupid, but he was grateful that she had refused to give up on him all the same. "I appreciate you doing this for me," Sam expressed sincerely. "You didn't have to." He'd have to find a way to repay her before the world ended. If he ever got better, that was.
Ruby was his motivator. She was the one that he wanted to get back to when all of this was over. Sam couldn't do that until he got better; therefore, he had to get better. Otherwise he'd lose one of the most important things in his life. It was already bad enough that he had practically lost his own brother. "If it gets bad enough...uh, I'll take the unconscious route. I'm hoping that it doesn't." Sam ran a hand through his hair, then dropped it along the edge of the bed. From there, his fingers began to tap at the sheets nervously. He needed a fix. He wouldn't get it though. Not if he wanted to get better.
Stop blaming yourself for what happened. Sam could have laughed. He didn't, but he could have. "Please, don't. It's my fault. It's always going to be my fault. No one else broke that seal. So...don't."