Sam had screwed up. Something inside of him had taken him over and made him actually believe that it would have been okay to turn on Ruby in the way that he had. He needed help. They needed help. Sam realized that when Ruby, in her state, began apologizing to him and reassuring Sam that none of this was his fault. That it was all fine. Fine. No, none of this was fine. If anyone else in the world had tried to harm Ruby to this degree, he would have ripped them a new one and then some. How was something like this ever okay? He could have killed her. Even Ruby had said it, cast out against the bed so limply and without the power to act out against him to defend herself. What Sam had done was more barbaric and fucked up than anything anyone else in the world could have ever done to her. She was his girlfriend. Sam was in love with her. He was supposed to treat her with the utmost amount of respect and compassion, yet here he was nearly killing her off. Sam felt a lump rise in his throat and he wrapped his arms around Ruby as carefully as he could, doing well to make sure that she was much more comfortable thane he possibly could have guaranteed her in his last grip.
"It's not okay," he said hoarsely. "You're not okay. Look at you." Ruby had shown up looking unbelievably gorgeous, while he had been thinned out and empty. Starving for her blood. Now that he had a good taste of her, Sam's features seemed to be better off than before. He was getting a little bit of that color back in his cheeks, whereas Ruby had practically lost all of hers. That wasn't right. It wasn't fair. "I didn't mean to - I was going to hurt you." Sam stared out across the room, unable to bring himself to look at Ruby in the eye out of shame. "I wasn't thinking. I thought you were something else...I got so caught up in the blood, I got angry, and I should have stopped." Sam swallowed again, trying to get the taste of the blood out of his mouth. He didn't need to think about it right now. Because as much as he was terrified because of what he had done to Ruby, he still craved it like nothing else in the world. Her words to him sounded all the more appealing when Ruby offered to help him find another demon to drain. It was something that Sam should have protested right away, seeing as he'd be harming the person in the body, but he didn't. It was better to hurt someone else than Ruby. He wouldn't do it again. In fact, Sam was half afraid to drink from her again out of fear that he'd end up emptying her completely the next time without having any control over himself. Unless...unless he made sure Ruby had a way to fight back next time. He'd give her something. A gun, maybe. Yeah. A gun. She could shoot him in the leg for all he cared, just so long as they didn't have to repeat any of this again. What had he been thinking?
"No," Sam said, shaking his head. "Not tonight. Don't worry about anymore blood tonight." Sam willed himself to look at her, bringing a large hand around to lift the wrist that he'd been drinking from. She had closed the wound up, which meant that she'd work on healing the rest of herself soon enough. Maybe she was already even starting. Sam breathed out slowly, shifting his hand from her arm to meet the one that she'd pressed to the side of his face. He covered it with his own, leaning into her touch anxiously. How could she be so forgiving of him? Didn't she realize how fucked up all of this truly was? "You're gonna rest, okay? You can stay here in bed and I'll take care of you. I won't cut you open anymore - I won't take anymore blood. You're gonna get better and I'll be right here to make sure of it." He'd protect her. From himself. Sam had enough blood in him to keep him satisfied for a little while. He'd take care of Ruby; Sam would make sure that she healed up properly, then he'd make it better. He'd show her how sorry he was. She didn't come all the way out here for this. And he, not in a million years, would ever want to see her in this shape again. Not because of anyone, least of all himself.