She'd thought about that a lot since knowing Sam as well as she did, Andrea, Lindsey. Humans were definitely capable of a lot good and bad and she'd found it hard to put her finger on why that was. But she'd figured it out, or at least she thought she was. "They keep going, thats why I don't loathe them anymore. They deal with us, both sides messing with their lives most of them not even knowing we're there but they struggle on and there's something admirable there. And they're so...I don't even know the word for it. Insatiable I suppose, so much emotion and potential right there. I had it once I suppose but let myself be corrupted. That's part of it too, good and bad. I can't ever be like they are now, but I can try and learn from their example"
What he said next threw Ruby for a loop to the point she nearly spat out the mouthful of alcohol she'd just taken. He wanted her to guide him, to tell him what course to take, tell him what to do. And that scared her half to death because, well, she wanted to. What demon wouldn't?. An Angel giving a demon that kind of power. It felt good. But she of course couldn't take it. She couldn't let herself because that was a slippery slope. "Don't ask me that" she said quickly, "Don't ask me to tell you what to do, I can't...you don't give me that kind of control over your fate. Not me, not...just don't." She might have sounded over the top, maybe she'd taken it up wrong, in fact she really hoped she had but she was so scared that he'd meant it. It was too much.
She downed another mouthful and looked seriously across to the angel, she understood the confusion, she really did. "...I get it you know, how hard it is. Following orders is easy isn't it. I know that, I was a soilder as much as you, I would have done anything for Azazel, absolute loyalty. And when Dean ki...when Azazel was gone. I still followed his orders because thats all I knew. It wasn't until Sam and me were...close that it felt different. And believe me looking away from that, trying to do it on your own. Its terrifying, and I have Sam, he's the only reason this has even worked this far. But the thing is Castiel. You have friends, you have people willing to help you. I can't...tell you what you need to do. But I can help you do what you decide because what it comes down to is, hard as it is, its worth it?"
And it really was, it had been worth it through the most horrible times of this War and she was pretty sure there were more on the way. But it would be worth it for her and she was sure Castiel would get there too.