She looked back up, frowning, confused - and just in time to see the lightning, and she flinched a little, despite herself. She didn’t want to be so jumpy, didn’t want to be so upset, but she didn’t really have much choice in the matter, apparently.
>"That's who I made myself. Through sacrifice, through so much... It was hard, but I had no choice.” - Jaina bit back a remark on how he definitely did have a choice, there’s always a choice; he wouldn’t believe her - “All that power. I needed it. I needed it to make things better. And they were, you have no idea how bad it had gotten. I could see...I saw it, while meditating. I saw everything that needed to be done and I knew it had to be me. I knew Luke wasn't strong enough and Mara was too afraid of her own darkness, you...”
Hearing him call their uncle weak and their aunt afraid when they were two of the strongest and bravest people out there, respectively, made her frown, and wonder what, exactly, he was going to say about her. Not that it should matter, she reminded herself, since that Jaina that he knows isn’t herexcept it seems like it is, like she’s the same Jaina who just hasn’t lived as long, hasn’t been there to see all of this.
>“I...It could never have been you Jaina. You had your tryst with the Dark after Myrkr, after...Anakin. And you didn't have the dicipline for the Sith Teachings. My teacher, she chose me, used me, I know she did, but I used her too."
Her own brushes with the dark were not something Jaina liked to think about. The raw power that rage and brokenness can give - it was terrifying. Like spinning out of control in an X-Wing, but more deliberate than that, step-by-step falling. She won’t ever do that again.
>"You hated Caedus. You seperated us, in your head. He killed your brother. But he didn't. I'm still Jacen...part of me remembered that right when I... right when I came here"
“Maybe it was easier, thinking that way.” She wasn’t sure why she was saying that, didn’t want to, but she couldn’t help it, “Easier to think he was to blame, not you. Not me.” She completely didn’t catch the way he faltered in his words, too wrapped up in everything she doesn’t want to think - things like a petty I don’t get to blame him and the more childish I wish my Jacen were here, things that were stupid and useless, and had her eyes burning with tears while she ran a hand up through her hair.
Yeah, this whole meeting in person thing? Terrible idea.