Leela rarely understands her robot dog (leelaofsevateem) wrote in wariscoming, @ 2010-04-08 00:08:00 |
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Entry tags: | leela |
Who: Leela and K-9
What: An emotional breakdown
When: After getting into her apartment after The Talk with Romana
Where: Leela's apartment
Warnings: It's quite tame, but there is a lot of pain and anguish expressed
Status: Narrative
After having the talk with Romana and being taken back to the apartments, Leela and K-9 had been given an apartment. Getting K-9 up the stairs was a bit of a feat, but Leela managed to do it without too many drawbacks. Once the door closed behind her, Leela immediately sunk to the floor, feeling uncharacteristically weak and broken. It was so hard to take in all that Romana had told her, but for the moment her mind was stuck on Andred. Tears started rolling down her cheeks and she pressed a hand over her mouth. She couldn't believe that Andred was dead, let alone that it had happened at Romana's hand. She had never experienced such excruciating pain in her life, not even when Andred had faked his death or when she divorced him. Nothing compared to the pain she felt and how utterly lost she felt.
At hearing her sobs, K-9 went up to her. "Mistress, do not trouble yourself," he offered, trying to help. Being a robot, there really was only so much he could do, and he had no emotional capacity.
"Oh K-9, I do not know what to do," Leela sniffed as she looked at him brokenly. "He's gone, never to come back. I will never see him again." Just saying the words made her feel even more devastated. Giving voice to the words seemed to give it so much more power and weight.
"You still have Romana, Mistress," he reminded her.
"Yes, but her hand delivered the killing blow to my husband. I do not know what to think or to say to her. It hurts too much, and I want it to stop! I cannot handle this kind of emotion!" Leela really needed a hug, some comfort, someone to tell her things would be okay. Without any further warning, Leela leaned forward and threw her arms around K-9 and clung to him tightly, burying her head in the crook of her arm as she sobbed out all of her inner pain. She couldn't believe that she'd never see Andred again. Despite her issues over what he had done, she did still love him and really longed to see him again. But she couldn't, and she never would.
This was unlike anything else she had ever felt. When she had discovered what Andred had done, after faking his death to infiltrate and kill an assassin, that feeling of pain and betrayal was nothing compared to what she felt right now. Leela felt things that she couldn't even put a name to. Agony, anger, hate, desolation, horror, all of them were swirling around within her. Her heart was broken, shattered beyond recognition. For anyone that knew Leela, this was completely the opposite of how she usually was. Leela was usually so strong and hated seeing people act weak. But Leela couldn't be strong right now, not after learning what had happened to Andred, to her adopted home planet.
She had told Romana she still trusted her and was her friend, and that was true. But there was a part of her that hated her, one that could never forgive what she had done. If Romana had been anyone else, Leela would have sought revenge for Andred's death, but she could never raise her hand against Romana. Not after everything that they had gone through together.
"Mistress, be cautious. Your tears could cause me to rust." K-9's voice broke Leela's chaotic and reeling thoughts. She pulled away and sat up, sniffing and brushed some of her tears from K-9's back.
"I'm sorry K-9. I cannot help it," she said through a sob.
"No apology necessary, Mistress." K-9 replied. Despite the fact they had been together for a long time now, Leela still would apologize to him even though he didn't have emotions.
Leela looked up and for the first time took in the appearance of the room. It wasn't very large, but not too small. Even so, it still felt like a void to her right now. She crawled into the nearest corner and crouched in it, her back towards the door and her head buried in her knees. The tears refused to stop and sobs shook her body as she started rocking back and forth.
Gallifrey was gone. Everyone she had known there were dead. Everyone except Romana. And now she was in a whole new world where everything was alien to her, the only familiar things were K-9 and Romana. She had no home anymore. No matter how long she would be here, this place wouldn't ever feel like home to her. On Gallifrey, she had love and happiness and friends. Here, she didn't have love or happiness. Her heart was still very much on Gallifrey, and with it being gone, she had no home, no place to put the remains of her heart.
"I do not know how I can face her again." It was meant as a rhetorical statement mostly because Leela could not see beyond her emotions which had sent her into a free fall. Given how she was reacting now, it had been a miracle that she had been able to hold herself together in front of Romana, at least for the most part.
"In time, you will," K-9 replied and moved closer to Leela. He worried for her. He had never before seen her like this. He wondered if he should contact Romana or someone else in the complex to come and try to comfort Leela since he was unable to.
Despite K-9's attempts at giving her words of comfort, Leela felt none. She wished Andred was here to hold her, or at least that someone was here to hold her. She didn't know how she could face anyone, so she decided that she would stay there in the corner and cry until she was under control again. When she was in control of herself again, then she would face people again. But for now, she would remain in the corner, rocking back and forth and letting out all of the emotions she felt within.