Ruby had to admit she was a little worried she might have spooked him with the handfasting talk, but he was cute when he got all curious like that. It was a ceremony that she would have taken to mean marriage in all ways that mattered. Take the church out of the equation and it was the same thing. Witches had done it that way for centuries. “Its the Pagan equivalent. Just as binding as a Christian marriage” she said simply “You did ask”. It wasn’t like she was proposing then or there, they were nowhere close to there yet. But when she thought about anything like that Sam was the only one she could see. The only one she could picture exchanging vows of love and binding devotion with. She smiled, just thinking about, if not it, then him. How had she of all people gotten this lucky. As for Dean. “Yeah, I know. I know he’s trying. He’s trying really hard. So am I, just don’t expect miracles beyond him not trying to kill me and vice versa. We’re being accepting and its an unspoken thing almost, its cause of you. Cause you deserve not to have us at each others throats, and we’re getting there. Much as I still reserve the right to mock him as and when I feel its appropriate.” She really was trying, which was hard for her given everything she blamed Dean for. It came down to the simple fact that they both loved Sam. It was enough. It had to be enough. Dean had wanted her dead, for being a demon, for being that demon. For working for Azazel, for loving Sam. All of it. And if she died with the knife that would be it. Gone. Done. Not hell just...nothing. She supposed it was nothing after that. “Never let me go out like that...” she said softly, scared. “I mean its probably better than hell but...”, she shook her head, shaking off the thought
“We work don’t we. We make each other happy? In spite of everything else that's happened. Because I can hold on to that don’t you think?” She’d never been told she deserved anything good like this, never been told she was loved. Sam wanted to make her happy, wanted to keep her content and make her feel loved. Everything else would work itself out. It had to, she’d make sure of it, whatever it took. And maybe she really wasn’t dragging him down. Maybe the change in him had happened because of Azazel’s plan but Ruby couldn’t have stopped that. This was the Sam she knew, this was the Sam she loved, and it was just possible that her being different kept him from worrying about her, she could stand alongside him and fight, defend herself, defend him. She could be what he needed in a woman. And maybe that fact that she was a demon was okay because well, she was his demon. She’d changed so much because he’d fallen in love with her, he’d taught her that everything she’d believed, everything was wrong. Was twisted. Lucifer rising, seen through the eyes of the man meant to do it. Ruby had broken, finally broken and walked away from it all. Because she had been loved. “I want to make sure you know that I’m gonna get past this. Everything you said today. I guess I knew it already. I knew you didn’t see me as less than you, but it just got to me, added up, thinking about everything you said about Stanford. But you’ve changed haven’t you. You’re a different man to the one you were back then, and maybe not for good reasons. But you are. And the world you live in now, the one you ran away from once. That's my world. That's the world we’re going to share. You don’t need to worry about me in fights, I can stand alongside you and I’ll be there when you find Lilith, and then we’ll stop this, you and me. She’ll die. Lucifer will stay in hell and then we can live. We can have a life for however long...” It bothered Ruby more than she could let on that Sam would get old and leave her alone again still as young. But she’d decided a while back that that's when she’d go too. Sam didn’t need to know, but if one life with him was all she got then it was all she wanted. Why would she want anything else?