Ruby smiled again at the confused look in his eyes, What exactly did he think she meant? “You know Handfasting and all that, Open air, all the elements. Its how they used to do it. You’d bind yourself to the other person for all of life in the eyes of the Earth and those you loved enough to invite to witness it, a Priestess would officiate. Its all above board” Not that they were anything close to there yet. It hadn’t been that wonderfully long since she’d come clean about her lies. “Not saying that's what I want or anything, not...not yet, but that's what it is. Since you were curious.” It wasn’t likely, not to mention she thought Dean might actually snap if it ever came to anything like that. But he really was going to have to get used to her being a presence in her brothers life if he wasn’t already. She wasn’t going away, She closed her eyes for a moment “I know that, and Dean, he does too I think, we don’t have to like each other for you and me to be okay. We just have to accept each other. And I’m getting there, I’m trying. You know that don’t you?”. She realised as he spoke that Sam was worried about how they were doing, the dates, the normalcy. Thought she didn’t like it. “Sam, I love the dates, the normal things. Going to hotels, you calling me your girlfriend, pretending to be celebrities for kicks, all of it. I love all of that. Don’t worry. I just want it to be ours, and not cause its pretending to be normal. I don’t mind games and all but I don’t want us to be a lie, so much of me was, I want you and me to be right, for us. I’m not her, like you said. But I don’t always want to be the one dragging you down. The demon y’know?” I want some of what we have to be regular, what couples do. That way, the other stuff, its not as out there”
He was happy with her and was he saying what she thought he was? That she kept him focused. “I’m always gonna try and do that y’know. Be there for you, keep you going. Keep you on the path. Only this time its a better path. We can protect each other can’t we? You and me against the world. That's how I like it.” He thought he was safer with her, Ruby didn’t know what exactly to make of that statement but she knew she wanted to protect him. She knew that more than anything. And she did forget the bad when she was with him, he did forget hell, the pain of it, the things she’d done that until last year she’d even been proud of. Sam had changed her already, so much, and she wanted to let him change her more. How was it fair that she had this? “I can’t understand how I got so lucky” she said simply. “I don’t deserve someone like you, someone as amazing as you. I don’t get it. But whyever it is, I have you, and I have to learn to accept that don’t I. I keep expecting to screw up and I’m so scared of dragging you down with me cause you’re better than that” She leaned in closer to him, resting against him inside the confines of the trap. “All the same, I want to know what its like to be loved. I want everything you’re offering me, and I really do want to be happy. I just don’t know how to be. I’m so used to hurting people, lying, everything I shouldn’t. You make all that go away though. You saved me from myself.” There it was, back to the Hallmark. Back to the sappy soppy stuff she usually so hated. But there it was. He really had saved her, he’d made her the happiest she had ever been and she’d only avoided him because she thought that it wasn’t fair that she got all this, everything she didn’t deserve. Because she thought that she was supposed to be more like Jessica and much as she’d tried she couldn’t be that for him. It wasn’t in her.