It killed him on the inside a little when he heard that strangled sob. Sam suddenly found that the trap was less of a useful design and more of a problem now that he wanted to do nothing more than comfort her. One sob. That was all it had taken. He was still pissed off at her, without a doubt, but at the same time he was also extremely worried. And while he could openly bitch at her for daring to make such an insane comparison, Sam was more interested in making sure that Ruby was all right first. Because it was true, what he had said before. They were better when they were stronger. They needed to be stronger. She already knew he was upset - he needed to show Ruby that he was worried about her too. Sam took a drink from his bottle, then he placed a hand on the ground, pushing himself up just enough so that he was able to shift from his spot in front of the carpet to the place just beside Ruby on it.
"It's all that I wanted. But it's not what I want now. There's a lot of appeal to it, I have to admit, but it's not...well, look at it this way: I couldn't have that kind of life with you. You wouldn't fit into it. And as nice as a life like that may be, it wouldn't be perfect without you in it. I want you. That's the only way I'll ever be able to live a normal, happy life. And if we can't be normal...that's okay. We're not normal anyway." He didn't think that they ever would be. Marriage? Hah, what were they gonna do - go down to the church and exchange vows? Sure, if they wanted to get struck by a bolt of lightning or something in the process. And he didn't exactly know if there was some kind of demon equivalent of marriage - did they cut out the hearts of men and woman and exchange those over a bloody pit of corpses or something as equally disturbing and fucked up? - but Sam didn't think that he'd be able to stomach it anyway. But he was okay with her like this. It wasn't so bad. They took care of each other and they'd shared some wonderful times. He didn't see why they couldn't keep doing that. He liked doing stuff like that.
"The plan. Yeah." Sam looked down at his hands, frowning. "The plan sucks. I hate the plan. I hate that you were part of the plan. But if you weren't, we wouldn't be together now. I'd have never fallen in love with you. But your job was to, what, find and put me in my place? Get me to do what Azazel wanted? That doesn't mean that you killed Jess. It just means that you had a job to do. Whatever that...Azazel. Whatever he told you to do." Sam looked up. Not at Ruby, but at the door he had locked. It really was better that they were alone for this conversation. Other people would judge them. They'd silently glare at them and think that they were terrible because of who they were and how they felt about each other. Sam had to admit, from an outside perspective he'd have been pretty disgusted himself. If he had been the Sam from a year ago. God, he'd hate himself right now if he were. "You won't always be loyal to him, you know." Sam looked over at Ruby finally, as though he were entirely convinced of it.