"I'm having a hard time seeing anything but a demon taking advantage of me, Ruby." He didn't want to say it, but it was true. He had cherished those memories more than anything in the world and now, half the time, he could barely look back at them without cringing. "Do you know how stupid I feel whenever I think about those moments? About how all that time, you were just screwing with my head? Maybe not completely, but under the surface that was all still very much there. Those moments were beautiful, but now they're broken. And I don't know if I can ever look back on them again without feeling bitter and betrayed." He wished that he could change that. Maybe, with time, he'd be able to. But right now he couldn't deal with it. They weren't those moments that he had once savored anymore. Everything had changed and it was because of the truth that Ruby had placed into his lap that they had. "I know that it's not what you want to hear, but it's the truth." He could tell that she was upset, no questions asked. But Sam wasn't going to lie to her about that. It would have been pointless. She needed to see that what she had done was not okay. It would never be. "It doesn't mean nothing. It means....I don't know yet. I don't know if I can sort any of it out of the bad that's taken it's place. Doesn't mean that the making of you has stopped - doesn't mean that we still can't have moments like those that won't be broken or destroyed. Just not those. Not now."
Sam did know how much she missed it. At least, he imagined that he did. He felt the same way himself and it killed him on the inside. There were so many times where he wished that he could walk right up to her and put his arms around her. Tell her that they were going to get better someday. They had to, because they were determined, right? They could work this through. It was what they wanted. "I miss being yours, too," Sam admitted, a little more quietly than the words he'd spoken earlier were. It was a more hesitant gesture. When it came to telling Ruby how he felt about those memories, he was able to compose the words and just throw them all out there. Something as simple as admitting that he missed her, however, was a lot more difficult to accomplish. He didn't know why or how, but it was hard. Maybe because he knew that he had to restrain himself. Even if it hurt to do so.
"Yeah, manly skills." The weight of the conversation was taking it's toll on him once more, so the lighthearted tone of his voice had faded along with the brief glimpse of warmth in his eyes. They were teasing each other again. Playing around. Sam didn't know why it kept happening, seemingly out of the blue, but he knew that he was supposed to stop it. This was leading her on. Again.