She had been listening, quite hapilly for a while, until particular words jumped out at her, one statement, a simple thing really.
“Make you fall in love?” she repeated quietly from her place on the couch, “Is that what you think I did? Make you, I was supposed to seduce you sure, but love. Not even I can fake that. Tell me you believe its real and not just the lies of a demon because...dammit Sam you’re confusing me. You say one thing and then...”, Ruby trailed off just watching him, he couldn’t have faked how happy he was when he’d gotten to touch her again, the real her. He’d said she felt warmer than before. Whatever that meant “ I know what I did to you. I know what I took away by not being who you believed I was and believe me when I say I know I broke your heart. I know that”
And she’d lied, about hell. Everything she was except that she was someone that loved him. That was the truth she had to build on now. “We had good times right?” They had, from their nights together to dates, actual dates. He’d taken her to dinner and they’d joked. They’d been amazing and though built on a lie, that was no less real. He had to understand that too. “We had times that were ours or are they tainted now, because of the lie, because those were real to me Sam, the time I had with you in Lawrence, the dates, everything between us, its been the first time I ever felt completely content. You gave me that and I think you changed me. You really are special. Not as the Boy King or Azazel’s last survivor, the one thats supposed to kill Lilith, but just as the man that actually managed to change a demon just by being...himself. By loving her.”
And she knew, much as she worried, much as she had sleepless nights knowing she’d never be as good as the girlfriend he’d lost, never be able to give him normal, or even nice. Much as Ruby knew that she’d never measure up. She knew he loved her anyway. In spite of all that. “Do you know what that means to me, really. Just something so simple as you being proud of me, it helps. It gives me another reason to do what I’m doing. A little more every time. I love you, and however long it takes me, I’ll become better, I’ll become as close to what you deserve as I can. I’ll never be...y’know, perfect” Like Jessica had been. “But I’ll give you the best I have to offer. I promise that.”
She found herself standing again unable to just sit anymore, though she stayed far enough away from him that he couldn’t say she was crowding. She walked away from where he was leaning against the people. She wouldn’t jeopardise what little she’d won back of his love and his respect. The jokes about McDonalds clowns, the fact he’d speak of his opinion on the relationship he’d had with his father to her. It felt good. It felt right. In truth she wanted to ask more about it, like the fact she’d always heard Sam’s opinion of his father was less than steller and now here he was talking like it wasn’t as horrible a childhood as he’d once thought. It was confusing. “I don’t expect you to accept me back right away. I don’t expect anything. Every little thing I get back with you, its more than I could hope for, and I love you even more for it every time it happens. You’re stronger than you think Sam. In so many ways. We’ll get through, we have to get through”
She dared a glance at him. “I mean if nothing else, someone has to protect you from the scary Clowns”