InsaneJournal

Tweak says, "Spring eyebrows!"

Oliver Pike (notafishie) wrote in wariscoming,
@ 2010-03-10 22:14:00

Entry tags:

faith lehane, pike

Who: Faith and Pike
Where: Their motel room
When: After Pike makes his post explaining things.
Ratings: I’m going to go with fairly high, just to be safe.
Status: In Progress

Pike sighed, running one hand through his hair. He hadn’t slept yet. He hadn’t exactly wanted to call it a suicide watch, but in the back of his mind he recognized that he was worried. Faith’s clear self-hatred wasn’t doing a lot to ease his nerves on the whole potential-suicide front. Still, as tough as this was going to be, he was going to stick it out. Over the past several hours, he’d said a lot of words to a lot of people about why he was still here, about what he was doing, but ultimately, it all boiled down to one thing.

Faith was hard work, but she was totally worth it.

Faith couldn’t see it yet. Maybe she’d never be able to fully realize it. Pike, on the other hand, could see it clear as day. She was worth every single drop of blood, sweat, and tears he had, and then some. Whether she saw it or not, he wasn’t going to leave her. Not now, not ever.

He already knew what happened in that alley last night. He hadn’t needed anyone to tell him, once he’d seen it and seen how Faith was reacting to it. But Faith, and everyone else, had. So he’d waited. He’d kept quiet. And when Kate provided him with that last little bit of information, he’d climbed on his phone and posted a message to those he could think of off the top of his head that needed to know. He kept the tone as civil as possible, not wanting any of the stress he was feeling to inadvertently slip into the post and cause trouble.

After that, he dropped the phone back into his pocket and got up from the lone chair in the room. He’d let Faith have some time alone on the bed, but he needed to tell her what Kate had told him, and he wanted to be close when he did. “Hey,” he announced softly, before taking up a seat on the edge of the bed. “So I talked to Kate.” He kept his gaze, soft and compassionate, on her. “She found the guy. She also found the knife, with him. You didn’t do it, Faith. You couldn’t have. No way could he have gotten the knife back.” He braced himself for pretty much any reaction. Even for no reaction. He hoped hearing this news would help, but he was under no illusions about the way guilt worked. It was a good thing that she hadn’t killed the girl, he didn’t think even her vaunted denial skills could brush that one away, but she could easily just shift the guilt. Instead of ‘I killed her’ it could easily become ‘I should have been able to save her.’ This wasn’t going to be easy.

But nothing worthwhile ever was.

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notafishie
2010-03-11 05:24 am UTC (link)

He could absolutely stand to be around her. Was it easy to see her like this, in so much pain? No. No, it wasn't. But he could do it, if it meant helping her get better. He could stand it, and stand her.

He looked down at her, and wasn't quite able to resist the urge to reach down and gently brush a little hair out of her eyes. "Not all of it is." He spoke quietly, not quite a whisper but close. "Not everything is your fault, Faith. You made some bad choices, but you can't be responsible for what someone else did. You can't be blamed for that."

Why wouldn't he leave her alone. Yeah, there was a very loaded question. "I won't leave you alone because I care about you. I won't leave you alone because I can see you're hurting, and I want to help you not hurt so much anymore. I won't leave you alone because I've seen you making changes, getting better, and that proves you deserve a chance." He hesitated a second, not sure whether he should bring this up, but he decided to go for it. "I won't leave you alone because you saved my life, when it would've been easier and simpler for you to just leave me to die." He was on a roll now and before he realized it, he was starting to say something else, something more charged with emotion than the rest of what he'd said. "I won't leave you because-"

And then his brain caught up with his mouth, and his jaw snapped shut. This was the second time he'd almost let his mouth run away with itself. This didn't seem like the right time...did it? He wasn't as sure as he had been before. After a moment, he just said, "Lots of reasons. All of them amounting to the same thing." He secretly prayed she wouldn't ask what he'd been going to say. He wasn't sure how much interrogation he'd be able to stand up to.

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slayersocialwrk
2010-03-11 05:44 am UTC (link)

How could he stand to be around her when she couldn't be around herself? She'd heard a song on the radio the other day that fit this perfectly-damned if she knew why she was thinking of it now.

When he touched her, she relaxed slightly, but still stayed against his leg. As he spoke, she listened in silence. She didn't fully believe him about what she was responsible for. If he knew even half of what she'd done, he'd never say that. Or that's what she figured, anyway.

He cared. He had to, otherwise he wouldn't still be there, right? Her eyes opened slowly when he talked about how she'd saved his life. She had done that, right? She shifted her head, her eyes seeking his and meeting them for a moment.

"You're insane." She whispered it faintly, but she had given up arguing.

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notafishie
2010-03-11 08:51 am UTC (link)

Pike couldn't help the little smile that twitched up his lips at that. He was pretty sure this wasn't the first time she'd called him insane. "It's been said," he replied softly, with maybe just a tiny little chuckle. "Doesn't mean I'm wrong." He'd noticed that she hadn't shrugged off his touch, and that she was still snuggled up to his leg. For a moment he debated with himself, and then decided hell with it, he would give it a shot.

Slowly, he let his hand settle on his leg just above her head, and he stretched out his thumb and began gently stroking her hair. He gazed down at her for a long moment, searching her eyes, before opening his mouth again. "You're a good person, Faith." He spoke softly, but there was a conviction in his voice that was more solid than steel. "You were put in a terrible situation and you lost your way, but you can find it again. You already kind of are, bit by bit." He smiled ever-so-slightly at her. "I believe in you. I know you can do this." It was true. Despite last night, or maybe even because of it, he was more sure than ever that she was on the right path. "If that's insane, then yeah. I guess I am."

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slayersocialwrk
2010-03-11 03:17 pm UTC (link)

Faith didn't understand. How was it that she could feel dead inside...until he touched her? She'd never felt like this with any of her past bedmates. That had to mean something, right? Something with him was different. But god help her, she didn't know how to define it.

"How do you know? You barely know me." At least now she was talking. She tilted her head against his just a bit, shifting closer. She shivered, feeling faintly cold. When he said those things, she could almost believe they were true. But then her past reared its ugly head, and she doubted again. "I'm just going to let you down."

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notafishie
2010-03-11 08:57 pm UTC (link)

When she tilted her head towards his hand, he responded by sliding it closer. He kept his thumb moving steadily, lightly stroking her hair. At the same time, he noticed the shiver and, without so much as a single thought, used his free hand to pluck his jacket - still devoid of his gun or any other weapon - off the ground near the bed. With the barest hint of a smile, he draped the warm leather over her.

He didn't answer her until after he'd finished with the jacket. "How do I know?" He reached up with his free hand, tapping his chest right above his heart. "This wouldn't be beating right now if it weren't for you." True on multiple levels! "It's telling me that while I don't know your favorite movie, or your favorite color, I do know you, maybe better than either of us realize. And it's telling me that you're not going to let me down." Then he tapped his head lightly. "This is telling me that you've been good. You've taken precautions to keep from hurting people, you've held back at the gym, you've made sure the good guys got what they needed to help someone else, you've gone out of your way to make me feel better even beyond what was absolutely necessary to keep me alive... Maybe you didn't realize it, but guess what? You've been doing good." Not to mention what she'd tried to do last night. But now probably wasn't the time to bring that up. It was still too raw for her to see that she'd done a good thing, there.

He couldn't keep the proud smile from his face as he talked about her accomplishments. She really had made so much progress, even if she couldn't see it, and he was so proud of her for that. "God, Faith, I am so proud of you, of how far you've already come. Maybe you don't see it yet, but I do and I gotta tell you, what I'm looking at is amazing." He'd said something similar back at the bus station, and so far, all she'd done was prove him right, rather than let him down.

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slayersocialwrk
2010-03-12 01:03 pm UTC (link)

Faith stared at him, blinking as she took all that in. He was right...though it was hard to use that to excuse all she'd done. She took a deep breath, then looked down again. After a moment, she slid up slowly so that she could rest her head on his chest, one arm slowly moving around him.

She was actually cuddling.

It was something she had never done, because it went against everything she though about sex and guys. Her motto had always been to never let them get too close. But here she was, getting closer to Pike. And she kind of thought that was okay.

Faith's eyes slid shut, but she didn't fall asleep, just holding him a little closer.

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notafishie
2010-03-12 06:44 pm UTC (link)

He couldn't help smiling as she cuddled with him. He knew what a big thing this was for her. So when she did, he responded, sliding one arm around her shoulders and draping another around her waist. He'd wanted this for a long time, this closeness, and now that she was trying it, it did not disappoint. He loved just being here with her, and the fact that she was willing to get closer to him, to take a risk on him, thrilled and delighted him in ways he didn't really have words for.

He leaned his head down, pressing a soft kiss to the top of her head. She was going to be okay. It wasn't going to be easy, not for her or for anyone else, but she was going to be okay. "You're gonna be okay, Faith," he whispered softly, gently stroking her shoulder with his thumb. "You're gonna be okay."

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