_katiebell_ (_katiebell_) wrote in vrrpg, @ 2017-10-06 22:30:00 |
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Entry tags: | !complete, !the daily prophet, char: katie bell, location: delivery, location: network, time: 2009 10 |
Dear Joan: The Daily Prophet (Evening Edition)
Dear Joan... Advice from the heart. |
Q: My husband, our three young children, and I recently went on a vacation with my in-laws. We provided the accommodations. My mother-in-law tries to act more like our children’s mother than a grandmother. She loves her grandchildren, but she is very interfering, judgmental, and disrespectful to me and my husband. On this recent visit she brought a children’s book for our 5-year-old daughter that was missing the last two pages. The book was about a girl who visits her grandmother for the summer every year; my MIL wrote an ending with my daughter that said the girl’s parents died and she got to live with her grandmother forever. It was written like a happy ending! When we confronted her (away from the children) that it was inappropriate, she blamed our 5-year-old saying it was all her idea. I am so upset I can’t even look at this woman; and now she is suggesting we get together again next month to go camping. What should we do? Signed, MIL Hopes We Die Joan: Thank you for this entry in the “worst mother-in-law of the year” contest. Interfering, judgmental, and disrespectful mothers-in-law are common complaints. But it takes a certain kind of genius to come up with the idea of ripping out the final pages of a children’s book and writing the happy ending about becoming an orphan so that one can live with Grammy forever! As usual, when you’re dealing with an in-law violation, I think the first line of defense is for the blood relation to have a serious talk. It’s time for your husband to explain to his mother that while she obviously loves the kids, and vice versa, she has to do some serious rethinking about her behavior. He needs to explain that she may not be aware of it, but she constantly undermines the two of you as parents. Now she’s gone off the rails entirely with the fantasy book ending that refers to the joys of orphanhood. I think he should tell her that an extended summer get-together is on ice this year. He can say you two are so steamed that you’re going to go away as a family without including the in-laws. He can say that he hopes this hiatus gives her a chance to think about how to be a loving grandmother without being an undermining one. Q: I'm pretty sure my (very elderly) mother is addicted to muggle trash tv. Something called "The Real Housewives" - it's horrendous! But my mother - a proud Ravenclaw who will NOT listen to any even calm, constructive negative feedback about her intelligence or insanity, despite approaching 112 years old this coming December - is completely hooked. Please help! Signed, Not a Real Housewife Joan: Dear Housewife - your mother sounds like someone I would get along well with! She and I could sip mimosas and marathon Say Yes to the Dress till Monday morning comes along! My advice? My wise wisdom to help you through this great crisis? Sit down, shut up, and enjoy watching some silly tv shows with your mother! She's 112 years old! She deserves to laugh and snark and sneer and judge all those silly reality tv "celebrities" and even drink a couple mimosas when she's watching if she feels like it. Q: I've had a close male friend that I've been secretly in love with for years. We have almost always lived in different cities and frankly, our lifestyles are fairly different to the point that I had all but discarded the idea that we could ever be in a romantic relationship. Aside from a fun weeklong fling over a decade ago, we've always kept it platonic, mostly because one of us was always dating someone in the couple of times a year we'd see each other. Flash forward to this year when I told him my boyfriend and I were getting married. He seemed shocked, but happy for me, came out to help me prepare for the big day and was an all-around champ. After the wedding I talked to my new mother-in-law and was shocked to find out that he referred to me as "the one who got away" in his own life. What? I never went anywhere and he never said anything! I used to tell my girlfriends that he was the one I'd run away with if he ever expressed any interest. Now, two days after my wedding I'm stuck with this thought that we've been mutually and silently in love with each other for years. How did I get stuck in a bad rom-com script? And why would he say that to my new MIL of all people. (She looked at me pointedly when she told me about it later.) BTW, I love my husband dearly and we have a lovely life together. I'm not interested in leaving, nor do I regret any decision I've made. Mostly I wonder how I go on knowing there was a possibility for that other life I always dreamed of but never believed in. Do I ever say anything to him about this? Signed, Shocked & Awed Joan: Years ago you tried each other out as romantic partners and decided to keep it platonic. Maybe this is a classic O. Henry kind of story where you were each mutually misreading the other's signals that you were the One. But if your communication is so bad that neither of you could say, "You're the one," then you don't belong together. I don't find it a charming plot twist that your friend confesses to your new mother-in-law (!) that you're the one who got away. Instead it is rude and passive-aggressive. Yes, it's possible he blurted this out to your mother-in-law after too much to drink, and by way of praising your charms. But it doesn't have that feel, does it? Presumably, he thought she would pass on this tidbit, thus putting a pall over your honeymoon. That's not something a friend does. There's a reason your dreams of this guy never became reality. As he's demonstrated, in reality he sounds kind of manipulative. You go on by realizing that every life is full of possibilities not taken. But that thank goodness you took the one that was right for you. In keeping with his backhanded way of getting a message to you, I think you should just act as if you never received it. |