RP: Don't String Me Along
Who: Cooper & Gen What: Drunk Texting//Closure Attempts When: June 10th Where: Network//Coop's Flat Warnings: Talk of the child they lost, very emotional, & language in general
MM to Coop 11:21pm: You're not alone, Coop MM to Coop 11:21pm: I swear it. Whatever else is going on, this fucking matters MM to Coop 11:22pm: And it killed me when I realized it, too
MM to Gen 11:27pm: There's an unspoken rule though or something. I'm not supposed to mention it to you. I need to stop joking MM to Gen 11:28pm: Thank you. You didn't have to but I'm glad you did. I wanted to reach out when I realized but..
MM to Coop 11:30pm: I realized it when Quin was visiting. I was holding Felix and it just hit me MM to Coop 11:31pm: And I just pushed it away and focused on them and kept busy MM to Coop 11:31pm: I had no idea you would have remembered when I would have been due MM to Coop 11:32pm: Fuck, that didn't come out right MM to Coop 11:32pm: Of course you would remember MM to Coop 11:32pm: I just MM to Coop 11:32pm: I feel like I'm mourning all over again
MM to Gen 11:33pm: Its harder this time without you here. MM to Gen 11:33pm: Hurts just as much though.
MM to Coop 11:34pm: I know. MM to Coop 11:35pm: I can't apparate right now
MM to Gen 11:36pm: You'd want to come here? pretty sure that's against your rules. MM to Gen 11:37pm: Are you hurt? Why can't you apparate?
MM to Coop 11:39pm: Not hurt. Not like that MM to Coop 11:39pm: We need closure, Coop MM to Coop 11:40pm: Floo still set up?
MM to Gen 11:41pm: Closure with what?
MM to Coop 11:42pm: About the baby that could have been MM to Coop 11:43pm: It's probably stupid MM to Coop 11:43pm: Just thought we should share a drink and remember him/her or something MM to Coop 11:43pm: Cry together and remember MM to Coop 11:44pm:Merde, I don't know what I'm doing right now MM to Coop 11:44pm: I'm just hurting and no one can understand this pain the way you can MM to Coop 11:44pm: Because we lived it together
MM to Gen 11:45pm: I just had to be sure it wasn't closure on us. I don't want that and I figured I needed to be honest about that. MM to Gen 11:45p: Its always open to you, always.
MM to Coop 11:46pm:What? Okay
The hesitation was brief after sending that message, but Gen did stand up from her couch, bringing the more than half empty bottle of liquor with her as she crossed to the floo. She tucked the bottle under her arm so she could get a pinch of powder out of the pot on top of the mantle. And as she tossed the powder and stepped into the flames, she didn't even realize that she was wearing her pajamas. And even if she did realize? She wasn't sure she would care - she was just a bit too drunk to care tonight.
When she arrived in the floo at Coop's flat, she stumbled a bit, coughing as a bit of ash seemed to get in her throat. In her preoccupation with trying to breathe, she dropped the bottle of liquor, cursing as it fell on her bare foot.
Cooper hadn’t known what to do when she had said she was coming over. He really should have gotten up and changed, that was the first thought that entered his brain when he heard the floo. He should have taken off the ridiculous pajama bottoms he was wearing and thrown on a shirt, he should have picked up a little bit, picked up the brochures from the different counseling places he had looked into this week, or cleaned up the empties from the night before, but all he had been able to do the second she had sent that text insinuating that she was coming over was to sit there and remind himself to not do anything stupid.
Then he heard that sound, the sound of something falling and he was up from the couch faster than he’d moved all weekend. “Gen?” His voice held a bit of panic as he rushed over. “Are you alright?” When normally he would have rushed in and wrapped his arms around her, he found himself standing awkwardly in front of the fireplace waiting for her to say something.
The pain in her foot was sharp, and she felt tears spring to her eyes - not the first ones tonight but these were from physical pain, not emotional pain, and so it was a different sort. "Ow, ow, oooow," she cried out, lifting her foot to her hands, holding onto where the bottle had impacted as if it would make any difference. Unfortunately, with as much as she'd drank, she wasn't quite steady on one foot, and she stumbled forward, right into his hard, bare chest.
Gen whimpered softly, giving into this thing for the moment, feeling disoriented and emotional, and she pressed her face against his chest, dropping her foot and bringing her arms around him.
When she stumbled into his chest, he hadn't known what to do. Instinct took over and he wrapped his arms around her a moment, one hand rubbing at her back while the other slipped around her waist to hold her up right. "Are you alright? What in the world happened?" He could feel that she didn't have anything under her shirt with her pressed so close. His heart had stopped, he was certain of that. He was hyper aware of how close she was. He could smell her soap and liquor.
"Do you want to go to the couch? I think I've got some ice cream in the fridge." He didn't know how they were supposed to be getting closure but he was sure that ice cream couldn't hurt the situation. Right?
Was he sober? He must be sober, some absent part of her mind realized. Fuck, what was she doing here? She'd had an amazing week with Oliver, but Addi... and reality had crashed back down around her, and then she'd cried in the bloody shower for too long, and then she'd started drinking. And she'd stared at her phone off and on, trying to drum up the courage to reach out to him, to let him know that he wasn't the only one that remembered, that was hurting over it.
Follow your heart. Your heart will know when the time is right. Her papa had told her that, but she hadn't wanted to listen to her heart. Why should she when it had already been broken? How could her heart be trusted? But her heart wanted to be with Coop, wanted them to be able to mourn their shared loss again together, and so she'd finally messaged him.
And now, here she was, wrapped in his arms, held against his chest as if it were the most natural place for her to be. And, in some ways, it absolutely was. It was like a puzzle piece finally being put in the right place.
She finally realized then that he'd asked her something, and she should probably be answering him. She pulled her head back from his chest to look up at him with shining eyes. "My foot hurts," she announced, pouting. "I brought... alcohol." She turned then as if to try to find wherever the bottle had fallen, but that made her head spin, and she fell sideways against him.
Cooper chuckled when she pouted and then fell against him. “I’ve got alcohol around this place too.” He moved then to adjust, scooping her up into his arms and moving away from the fireplace finally. He carried her into the living room and set her down on the couch. She didn’t need any more alcohol and he wasn’t intending to get her any. The ice cream sounded like a better idea. He wondered for a brief moment if he should catch up to her, though he knew that was a terrible idea. It was the quickest way for him to make a very stupid move. He was already fighting the urge to kiss her.
“Did you want anything before I sit down with you?” The TV was still on in the background, playing some show he had likely watched a hundred times before. It had just been background noise while he had tried to wind down for the night. He had decided to spend the night in, after the night before he was still a bit exhausted from it all. He’d only managed to shower this morning and make himself some lunch, grilled cheeses and chips baked in the oven.
"Oh good." Wait, had she said that out loud? Gen realized she probably shouldn't be so relieved at the thought of more alcohol considering how much she'd already had. But then he was scooping her up in his arms, and she let out a little squeak, holding onto him as he took her to the couch. Her hands slid from him reluctantly, her head resting against the back of the couch as she looked up at where he still stood.
"What? Oh, umm.... the alcohol?" she said, not meaning to make it sound like a question. That had been part of the point of coming here, for them to drink to their lost almost-baby, right? She thought it was. Of course, everything was more than a bit fuzzy right now.
Cooper nodded his head, alcohol. “Maybe in a minute.” He moved then so that he could slip on to the couch next to her. He stretched his legs out before he slipped an arm along the back of the couch and around her. “You know, that’s why I reached out to start. I had realized it was coming up... Watching you during the final, where you did that broom switch? I couldn’t resist, I had to reach out to you. I kept wondering if...” He let out a soft sigh. “If you remembered too.”
He knew it was likely a bad idea to be talking about it but she wanted closure and he would try very hard to give her that. He wondered if maybe this was something he might need to talk to a therapist about at some point. “Then having Addi stay after karaoke... That morning it hit me, I’d forgotten all about it. I couldn’t believe that I’d been so wrapped up in everything else that I had forgotten all about the day.”
"Okay," she agreed easily, not thinking at all that he might not intend to give her any more alcohol. When he sat next to her on the couch, she brought her knees up to her chest and wrapped an arm around her legs before tucking herself against his side, feeling his arm settle around her as if it were an anchor keeping her steady in the midst of a thunderous storm.
"Cooper," she breathed at his explanation, her heart twisting and aching in her chest for the pain he was going through, knowing it intimately as similar to her own pain. "Of course I remembered. Not right away, because I was so caught up in everything else, and I'd worked so hard to push you out of my head." Enough that she'd convinced herself that she'd pushed him out of her heart, as well. She winced then, realizing what she'd said, and then looked at him apologetically. "It was easier not to remember. But then you came to the festival and..." And it had felt so unbelievably right to be in his arms again. "And... everything just came rushing back." She looked up at him with shining eyes again, sadness and misery clear in them, an expression that looked out of place on her.
Cooper was so still next to her as she explained when it had all sort of hit her. His hazel eyes had grown wider and he was swallowing back tears that were threatening to spill. "I didn't ever want to hurt you, Gen," he whispered then, his eyes finding hers. "You're the most important person in the world to me, I was so stupid." He had been so stupid with everything. He couldn't pinpoint just one thing that stood out more than the other. He knew he had been stupid to think she would never have left, he had been stupid to show up in France it had clearly hurt her, he had done so many stupid things.
"I'm sorry," he breathed then, reaching his free hand up to wipe under his eyes. "Fuck," he muttered softly, he hadn't meant to cry. Just the look on her face though had choked him up. He had caused all of that pain. He wanted to take all of that pain away just then and he had no idea how to even start.
The fluttering in her chest sped up at his words, at the look in his eyes as he told her that she is the most important person in the world to him. Present tense. It made the emotions lodge in her throat, choking her up, tears filling her eyes. "No, you... you didn't. I needed to remember," she choked out. "It matters, and to forget is... unforgivable." If she'd remembered down the road, she thought it would have been worse, as if that baby hadn't been important enough to remember, even if it had never had a chance to fully form into a baby. It had still been a part of them, loved for those days they'd known it existed.
"Oh, dieu, don't do that," she sniffled, the tears slipping from her eyes again now. "I've cried so bloody much, I can't believe I have any tears left," she breathed the admission, dropping her tear-soaked face to his shoulder.
Cooper sniffled and shook his head. “I couldn’t forget if I wanted to,” he murmured, not sure why he wasn’t able to talk above a whisper. As if whatever they were confessing to each other was some large secret. He had no idea if she would even remember any of this in the morning, how intoxicated was she? She couldn’t stand. He knew it was ridiculous that he was confessing all of this but it felt good to get it off his chest.
A sad chuckle left him when she told him to not do that. “I can’t help it,” he murmured and that arm that was around her moved to wrap just a little more securely around her. His hand moved to rub at her arm, before sliding around to her back. “Addi caught me crying when she was here.” He rolled his eyes, shaking his head just then. “I was trying to put it from my thoughts all weekend but it just hit like a ton of bricks. I tried to avoid her seeing me, I didn’t want her worrying.”
It felt like a topic that should be discussed in whispers, as if speaking too loudly would be a dishonor on the memory, the loss. As his arm tightened more around her, she sighed and shifted, moving her feet to the other side of him, her legs draping over his lap as she curled a bit more into him. He was warm and firm and safe. She shouldn't be here, some part of her mind knew that, recognized it, but she pushed it away. This wasn't a romantic thing, it wasn't cheating...
"She didn't know," Gen whispered, the pain clear in those three words. She forced herself to look up at him, her expression distraught. "She didn't know about the pregnancy. No one knew. I didn't even tell my mum until after... after we broke up," she admitted. Those few months between the too-brief pregnancy and Coop's proposal had been a very dark time for her, and she'd been fraught with stress and exhaustion and they'd seemed to be fighting all the time, and a part of her knew that part of that had been brought about because of the loss.
His eyes grew wider, if that was even possible. “Gen.” There was so much hurt in that one word, it was just her name. “I’m so sorry,” he murmured again, voice softer. “I’m so sorry. I thought she knew, I thought for sure you would have told her. I told...” Of course he’d told Hyperion, he figured that was obvious so he didn’t even finish that thought. “Is she alright?” Were they alright? Since when had Gen started keeping secrets from her? That was so bizarre. He had so many questions and they were most definitely not allowed, he knew that much.
Coop had the urge then to tell her all about his talk with Addi, how she had suggested counseling and he was looking into it. He wanted to tell her how he loved her, how he wanted to fix things. Things felt good just then, having her curled up against him. Even if she was crying. “Please don’t cry,” he whispered then. “I really am sorry for hurting you. What... What brought up all of this?” He was wiping under his own eyes again, his own head was feeling so fogged just then.
Gen winced at his words. Of course he'd thought that, she'd always told Addi everything, that was how their relationship operated, but that... she hadn't been able to bring herself to talk about it to anyone but him, and even with him, she'd tried to brush it off (It's so common. It's not a big deal. We'll get it right when we decide to try on purpose.) and hide her pain, not wanting to add to his own. "I... I don't know. She left. She said she was going to stay with ZJ tonight." And she hated knowing that her sister was rightfully upset with her.
She sniffled and shook her head at his whispered plea. "I'm sorry. 'Can't help it," she replied in a similarly soft whisper. "I... what do you mean?" Her emotional, alcohol-fogged mind couldn't process what he was asking with that. Brought up all of what? Hadn't she explained what had triggered this emotional storm she was in the midst of?
Cooper nodded his head, though he was still frowning a bit. He worried but he couldn’t worry about Addi tonight. He had bigger problems that were his ex-girlfriend on his couch in tears. He sucked in a breath, licking his lips. "Is there anything I can do?” He didn’t know if he meant with the Addi situation or if he meant with her tears, he’d gladly help with both. He didn’t think explaining that he’d move heaven and earth for her, no matter what it was, would do them any good just then.
“I don’t know...” Coop admitted after a moment or two too long of silence, another sad chuckle leaving him. He fell into a comfortable silence for a moment then, and then... Then it was like his impulse control had left him. Holding back so much meant that apparently something stupid would slip out. “I love you, Gen... Do you still love me? At all?” His voice was soft, almost sad but there was hope. He had hope that she might still love him, even a little. He knew Quin, and everyone else, had suggested he ask Gen about if she was with Oliver or not and while he did care about that... He needed to know if she loved him.
At his question, she shook her head, shrugging her shoulders slightly. Gen had no idea what, if anything, he could do to help, but there was a part of her that felt like being here with him now, talking about these things instead of ignoring them and pushing the emotions away was helping. Or, it would be helpful in the long run, when she wasn't so emotionally wrung.
Oh, well, if he didn't know, then she wasn't going to worry about it. It would take too much energy than her drunken, emotional brain had at the moment. Her eyes were still on his as he said those words, asked that question, and she gasped softly. "Cooper," she breathed, her heart constricting in her chest. You will follow your heart. "Of course I love you, you idiot," she whispered, tears slipping silently from the corners of her eyes.
It was instant, the second that she said his name and called him an idiot, he had that big goofy smile on his face. Tears were still slipping down his cheeks, but she still loved him. He had the urge to kiss her again, to bend in and close that space, press his lips to hers. He couldn’t bring himself to do it though, for fear he would ruin yet another moment, when really he was likely reading this situation all wrong.
Instead he lifted his hand up to cup her cheek, wiping at her tears. “I won’t remind you that you said this in the morning.” It was his way of teasing her that she might be too drunk to remember, he didn’t want to just ask her if she was too drunk to remember. He didn’t want to know the answer, he liked to think she might remember this later.
Oh god, that smile. It was the one that made her knees weak every time, which was ridiculous, but it was a smile of pure joy, and she'd missed seeing it. As his hand cupped her cheek, she tilted her head against it, and then she let out a watery laugh at his words. "You won't have to remind me, Cooper," she replied on a whisper. There was no way she could forget this, no matter how much she'd drank.
"I don't know what to do," she admitted, feeling so very small in that moment. Things had gone so well with Oliver this week, and he really was brilliant, but... he wasn't Cooper. And as so many people who loved her pointed out, her heart was still in Coop's hands. "Addi's so angry, and..." And Oliver. She didn't want to talk about Oliver with him, though.
The laughter helped to slow his tears, and after wiping at his eyes a few times he was able to stop them. He sniffled, and tightened his arm around her when she admitted she didn’t know what to do. “I’m sorry, Addi will stop being angry with you though. I can try talking to her if you’d like?” He wasn’t entirely sure it would do any of them any good, it was a problem between the sisters. He had learned from his own fights with Emilia that it was best to let siblings work it out themselves.
“Though, I think maybe right now... If you’re not hungry, we should go lay down. No funny business, I promise.” He held up his free hand, as if swearing to something that he would be good. He had learned his lesson, he wasn’t going to ruin nice moments by trying to push her farther than she wanted. “I can make food in the morning?” He’d have to see if he had anything good for hangovers in the fridge.
Somehow Gen didn't think this was the sort of fight that would go away with a simple cool off period. She sighed, shaking her head and shrugging slightly. "I'm not going to tell you not to talk to her, but... I'm not sure it'll do any good," she admitted, exhaustion pressing down on her suddenly, causing her body to shudder and then relax further in his embrace.
She found herself nodding at his suggestion - yes, laying down sounded like a good idea - but then the implication penetrated the fog in her mind, and she sighed and shook her head. "Coop," she whispered, forcing herself to lift her head and look at him, though it took more energy than she thought herself capable of in that moment. "I can't stay." For so many reasons, not the least of which was the fact that she was with Oliver. No, they weren't publicizing that just yet, but as of right now, she was half of a couple with him, and she wasn't going to be that person, not even drunk. Coming here wasn't about the feelings she and Coop had for each other, it had been about grieving a shared pain.
Coop wouldn’t point out that the days when Gen could tell him to not talk to Addi had really sailed, even if they never got back together at this point, Addi was forever his sibling. There was a bond there that was very similar to the bond that he had with Em, that sibling bond that was unbreakable. He just nodded his head though, he knew she likely hadn’t meant it like that, he realized she had likely meant the conversation. No need for him to make it weird.
His heart soared as she nodded her head yes, it sank though as she said his name. He knew that tone, he frowned but nodded his head. He had that urge then to ask if she was with him, he knew he didn’t need to know that. He didn’t want to hear the answer, and yet.. He couldn’t help himself. “Is it because you’re with him?” The jealousy was there, just under the pain in his voice. He couldn’t even bring his eyes to look at her, he wanted everyone else to be right. He wanted them to be right and hear her say that she wasn’t with him.
The question caused Gen to wince deeply, both from the fact that he was bringing up Oliver, but also from the jealousy lurking beneath the pain in his voice. It was a harsh reminder of the problems they'd had together, and it had doubt creeping back into her. "Oui," she forced herself to answer, blinking rapidly to try to see him through the tears in her eyes. "...for now," she added in a barely-there whisper. It wasn't fair of her, she knew, to let everyone else get in her head concerning her and Oliver, but... Addi and Quin and even a few others, their opinions did matter to her.
It hurt to hear that and he actively fought the urge to take his arm back. He wanted to yank it back and scoot away from her. She was with someone else. He heard those last two words and while his heart soared to hear them, he knew it was false hope. He’d heard girls use it all his life when they’d break up with him, he was too much for now. They were going to be with this reckless lady killer, for now. It were the words given to people that were being strung along and it killed him.
“Don’t fucken do that.” He muttered under his breath, the anger there. “Don’t string me along, I’m not…” He wasn’t what? Like everyone else? He was her soulmate, Addi swore Gen could feel it but Coop felt just a bit hopeless right in that moment. “I’m not everyone else.” He finally finished, a few moments too late. “You can’t string me along.”
His response shot through her, turning her stomach to ice, and her flushed, tear-soaked face paled as she looked at him, seeing the hints of anger in his expression. "What? Coop, no..." Why did it feel so hard to breathe all of a sudden? Fuck. The tears started falling again in earnest, and she scrambled off the couch and away from him, stumbling a bit toward the fireplace.
"I shouldn't have come here... I'm sorry," she choked out, her hands reaching out blindly for the tin of floo powder on his mantle. She'd never intended to string him along. She loved him, that much was true, but she didn't know what that meant for them, not yet. And Oliver... she needed to talk to him before she made any decisions. She couldn't focus, though, and her hands were shaking.
When she moved from the couch, he wanted to get up and go to her. He wanted to get up and tell her to stay, beg her to stay. He couldn’t get himself up though, he couldn’t because she was with him. She had a boyfriend and he had promised himself, he wouldn’t make trouble for her if she was truly moving on. Though he didn’t think that her showing up drunk through his floo was her moving on, but his anger was clouding the rational thoughts. All he could hear was her saying ‘oui’ after that question, it was going to haunt him all night. He was sure of it.
“Je t'aime, Genevieve.” He made sure his voice was loud enough that she would hear him, but he still had not moved. He had learned French for her. It had started as a dirty game for him, just figuring out what she was saying while they were fooling around that had evolved into Coop wanting to be able to tell her that he loved her in French for the first time. Over the years he had been able to pick enough to be able to hold a conversation, though there were still the times he had to ask someone to slow down so that he might be able to catch up.
His words sounded just as she found the powder, a pinch of it pressed between her fingers. She could remember the first time he'd said those words to her, in French no less! And hearing them now took her right back to that moment, to the giddy delight of being in love with him and knowing that he felt the same for her. "Je t'aime aussi mon coeur," she replied in a voice that was just a loud enough whisper to carry over the sound of the tv before tossing the powder in the floo and stepping in. She called out the name of her home floo and closed her eyes tightly as the world spun until she tumbled out of her fireplace at home.
Hearing that phrase, she could have literally said anything else, broke his heart. He wanted to chase after her. He wanted to do every irrational thing he usually would have. Instead though he just broke down on the couch, tears slipping from his eyes as one hand lifted the remote that was on the table within arm’s reach and then chucked it across the room where it smashed into pieces as it hit the wall. “Fuck,” was the loud scream that left him, seconds before he was crying harder and hands had come up to cover his face. He may have been alone but he was really getting tired of these tears. He was such a sap.