MM/RP: Letting Her Down Easy Who: Astoria and Callie When: Thursday, May 11 [back-dated] Where: The country house What: Astoria and Callie finally talk about what happened and where they go from here. Warnings: None, really
MM to Astoria DO NOT TEXT DRUNK 10:15am: hey, so this is incredibly awkward.. but I'm thinking you should probably tell me the rest of the things you needed to that night. MM to Astoria DO NOT TEXT DRUNK 10:17am: You wouldn't be free today by any chance, are you?
MM to Callie 10:31am:It doesn't have to be awkwardI don't want you to hate meI miss you, as my friend MM to Callie 10:31am: I'm at work, but I'm sure Blaise will forgive me if I duck out for a little while.
MM to Astoria DO NOT TEXT DRUNK 10:40am: Are you sure? I can meet you where ever you like. I just would rather not be in public? Just in case.
MM to Callie 10:42am:Just in case what?? These aren't things I want to discuss in public. I can meet you at the country house.
MM to Astoria DO NOT TEXT DRUNK 10:43pm: I can meet you in the study? I feel like I'm going to puke....
MM to Callie 10:44am: All right. I'll be there at 11
Calypso was nervous and could feel her stomach, it was hanging somewhere around her knees. The past few days she had been holed away at home, training to be an animagi, as well as focusing on just making herself a healthier, better, person. She was apparently discovering herself, she hated every minute of it. She knew there were a lot of things left undone where Ginny was concerned, the fight had been wildly unneeded and Callie had started the entire thing. She knew there were things too she needed to sort out where Astoria was concerned, things Callie needed to figure out on her own. If she really did have feelings for her friend at all, or if it was all just a rebound sort of thing. Calypso was almost positive that it was not a rebound, though she wasn’t at all positive about her feelings. She just knew she needed to do a lot of soul searching before she decided to try to cause trouble for anyone else. Besides, she knew that Astoria was on her way to tell Calypso just how much she didn’t see her in that way. She needed to just move on from the entire mess that had been her love life.
Part of being able to move on though meant that she needed to hear what Astoria said. Unlike with Ginny, Calypso couldn’t just start a fight and leave. She couldn’t let the whole thing burn down around her, not unless she wanted to not only lose a friend she had since school, but also cause Blaise to lose one of his closest friends. There was a good chance that if it wasn’t for Blaise, Calypso would have hid out and never gone through with any of it. She would have mourned the friendship and sent ridiculously overpriced gifts on holidays to try to make up for it all and make a mess of the situation. She didn’t know if she would have preferred that or not.
There she sat though, idly letting her fingers comb through the long grey hair of Theo’s, technically her’s, cat Asshole. She knew going in this wasn’t going to be a good conversation, it was why she had worn her glasses. Crying and contacts were never good and always hurt. She had decided that her black chunky framed glasses would be perfect and help her feel like she was hiding a bit from it all. She worn just a simple pair of black yoga pants that she had picked up along the lines somewhere, and a green t-shirt that was a bit loose on her body but came down to hit at her knees. She had debated in her closet for a while, she had looked at her dresses and there had been that urge to see if she could get Astoria to notice her. Though she realized stupidly how badly that had gone at the party and redirected herself to lay around the house clothes. The only thing she had spent any time on was her hair, she had been sure to tame the big poof ball she called hair so that it fell around her face in the natural tight curls she had inheritated from her father.
At the sound of the door opening, Callie looked up from where she was watching her fingers disappear into the mass of grey fur to look at Astoria. Her stomach gave a nervous flip, a familiar flip that Calypso always got when she was in trouble. She knew this feeling far too well. “Hey,” was squeaked out, before Calypso cleared her throat. “I can have Buona get us something to drink?”
Astoria took the coward's way out and sent a text to Blaise letting him know that Callie wanted to talk and that she was going to take a bit of time out of her day to deal with it. She felt bad taking time after taking Monday off to spend with Kit, but this was important, and she knew Blaise wanted her and Callie to work things out. It was what she wanted, too, and not just because she worried what would happen to her friendship with Blaise if she continued to be at odds with his sister.
And so she wrapped up a couple things at work and then apparated directly to Blaise's country house, knowing how lucky she was to be one of the few that was able to do so. Blaise took his wards and privacy seriously, she knew. She made her way through the house and went into the study. "Callie," she breathed, her tone and eyes expressing some sadness that things were what they were. "No, I'm all right, thank you."
She sighed and stepped further into the room, going to sit near Callie, but not so close that they could easily touch. "I'm sorry, Callie. I never meant to hurt you." That week had just been a confusing mess, and she'd behaved atrociously out of character, but she couldn't ignore it. She had to face the fall out from it.
Calypso’s eyes had to quickly look away from her when Astoria apologized. Her head shook a bit, “You don’t have anything to be sorry for. You can’t help your feelings, Astoria.” Callie lifted her head to look at her friend then, she knew she needed to be an adult, keep eye contact at least. For as long as she could. “It isn’t your fault that you’re not attracted to me. I acted incredibly childish.” She frowned a bit then, “I just… I don’t know. You’re my oldest friend, I think I could have handled it if you’d told me before the party. I built it all up in my head, that you’d be happy to see me, and we would snog behind a curtain or something ridiculous.” Calypso needed to get her own words out, she just hoped she didn’t lose a friend in between. “Then when you wouldn’t even look at me? It was like everything sort of crashed around me, that you didn’t want to even be friends. You couldn’t stand to even look at me.” Calypso let out a soft sigh, “Which doesn’t at all excuse my behavior that night..”
She was getting a bit long winded, she knew that, but she wanted to get a few things out. “Besides all of that? I owe you a few apologies.” She wanted to get it all out before she lost her nerve. “I shouldn’t have kept pressing things when we went out, when I knew I had a girlfriend at the time. I shouldn’t have acted the way I did at the party, you didn’t deserve having me act so strangely after weeks of not talking… I guess that should have been my clue, hm?” She asked with a sad laugh, her eyes had found their way to her own lap, staring at the cat’s fur. She couldn’t look at Astoria anymore, her cheeks had a blush to them that could barely be seen with her dark complexion. It was there though, that mortified feeling was settling over her again. It was a similar look that she had while in school, trying to live up to Blaise’s shadow.
“I’m sorry. I don’t want any of it to ruin our friendship. I’m not very good with any of this. Not even slightly. Ginny is the first person that I’ve actually dated, where I gave any sort of..” She shook her head, sighing as she stopped herself. “This is my first time doing any of this, and while I do..” She stopped herself again, “I should have waited until I was single to even approach you, I’m sorry.”
That admission had Astoria shaking her head, and she wanted to ask her if that's what she really thought, that Astoria wasn't attracted to her? Because that wasn't entirely true. Of course Astoria found Callie attractive, but that wasn't the problem here, and Callie clearly didn't understand that. She stayed quiet though, choosing to hear her old friend out when it seemed she had a lot to get off her chest. What she wouldn't do was tell Callie the apologies weren't necessary, because she rather thought they were, but she too had things to apologize for.
"Yes, you shouldn't have tried starting anything with anyone until you were single, but the fact that you weren't single wasn't the biggest problem, at least on my end, of what happened that night. There's just... so much you don't know about me." Astoria sighed and glanced down at her lap before forcing herself to look back at Callie again, ether or not her friend was able to look at her.
"I'd received some really... awful news that week, and the stress of everything culminated in a way that I wanted to do something reckless and stupid that night. You're right, I can't help my feelings, but I should have had more control over my actions. I should have stopped things, and let's not pretend that I didn't push things along, yeah?" Because she knew she'd been a full participant in things, it wasn't all on Callie's shoulders. "But what it all boils down for me is this - my parents will never approve of my being with a woman, and there are reasons I don't want to go against them on it. I could never be with you publicly, and you deserve so much more than that. You deserve a woman who will lavish you with attention, who will hold your hand in public and steal you away to snog behind curtains, who will dance with you at parties without a care for who's watching. I do love you, Callie - you're one of my oldest and dearest friends - and I want that for you." She hoped that Callie could see the sincerity in her eyes, hear it in her words.
Calypso couldn’t help it, curiosity got the better of her when Astoria said that there was so much she didn’t know about her. That was interesting, she wasn’t sure after so many years of friendship there could be too much more, though she did remind herself that she hadn’t even known Astoria liked woman. That had been a surprise, so she supposed there was likely a lot she didn’t know about the other woman.
The sting from hearing, what she assumed, summed up to it all being a mistake hurt. She blinked her eyes a bit too much just then, she could feel those stupid tears starting to well up in her eyes again. Then.. Well, hearing what she said, Calypso couldn’t help but give a sad laugh. “I swear I have to be the most backwards...” She said with a heavy sigh, shaking her head at herself. “How is it that I seem to have a type, and it’s the type that would much prefer their girlfriends to be a secret. I..” Calypso shook her head, “I won’t lie and say I understand anything, I know Oya won’t be happy at all whenever she does find out. She’s already upset that I haven’t wanted to produce any offspring.” Kids were almost definitely not in her future, at least not if she was the one that had to have them. She wasn’t up for that sort of abuse to her own body. She didn’t think it was worth it, not with how much work she put into keeping herself looking the way she did. “I do know all about the structures of a pureblood home.” She still listened to Oya, to an extent. While Oya couldn’t have her way with Callie’s womb, Callie still came whenever her mother called. She would try to put it off but in the end, she always gave in.
She really didn’t know what to say from there, it hurt. She knew though that she didn’t want to be a secret. She thought potentially for a second she could handle it if she loved the person, but then she tried to figure out if she was in love with Astoria and well.. Hit the same wall she had with Ginny, she didn’t think she was. She didn’t even know if she ever could, for that matter. She knew she loved Astoria and that this was an incredibly ridiculous line of thinking. It was helping to keep her from letting those tears slip again though.
“Thank you for at least being honest with me..” She said softly, her eyes finally finding Astoria’s. While she had been looking at her friend, she had been a bit too nervous to look her in the face. “Do you see me as that silly little girl that used to follow to Blaise around still?” From her expression, it was clear this was something that had been bothering the younger witch. There was so much that she was discovering slowly but surely.
Astoria didn't contradict Callie, though she did think her friend was being a bit dramatic there. From what she'd seen, Weasley hadn't kept her a secret - perhaps she hadn't been as enthusiastic as Callie needed, but Astoria had never gotten the impression that she was a secret. Though perhaps that was because she'd been friends with Callie, not Weasley. Perhaps Ginny had been less open about her relationship with her friends than Callie had been with hers. It really wasn't something she felt she needed to comment on, however.
"You and Blaise will weather the storm that is Oya whenever she does find out," she assured her. Their mother had always seemed to approve of Astoria, but that didn't mean she didn't have a healthy fear of the woman. She also couldn't fault Callie for not wanting kids - not everyone did, and there was nothing wrong with that. She wanted them, but she was definitely not in a rush, and she still hadn't quite figured out how to have them without experiencing crushing guilt at exposing them to her family's blood curse.
"I will always do my best to be honest with you," she returned gently. And if they'd done a bit more talking and less acting that night, she would have expressed then and there that it could only be a one-time thing, and then they could have circumvented all this drama and hurt feelings... "Of course not!" she answered right away, not just placating Callie, as she could see that it was something the younger woman was obviously truly concerned about. "I haven't looked at you that way for a long time, Callie." She couldn't exactly pinpoint when her perception of her had changed, but she had no doubt that it had.
Callie nodded her head at her words, she knew that she would survive whatever Oya would do. The next moment saw Calypso relaxing, softening at her friend’s words. She nodded her head, giving Astoria a small smile. “Thank you, I know.. It’s ridiculous. I don’t know why I’m suddenly so very focused on that but… I just had to ask.” She knew part of it was that she had worried Astoria would only try to stay friends with her for Blaise, which was the last thing she had wanted. She wouldn’t have caused problems in their friendship if Astoria had been worried about that. It seemed though that Callie had built it all up in her head to be significantly worse than the reality, as was usually the case.
“You’ve got to head back soon, don’t you? Did you get anything to eat? I can have Buona or Mimpy make something up, I’m sure one of them is home.” Calypso knew Blaise wasn’t likely to be upset if Astoria did get back a little late because she had to grab food. She wondered if Blaise already knew why Astoria was there, or that she even was there.
Although she couldn't entirely understand Callie's concerns there, she did have her own issues when it came to being the younger sister of a well-known older sibling. Of course, Daphne and Blaise were very different people, and Astoria didn't mind terribly being in Daphne's shadow, as it allowed her to pursue her own interests without as much scrutiny. But Callie, she suspected, might need a bit... more than that. She smiled reassuringly at her friend, definitely feeling more hopeful that they could, in time and hopefully sooner rather than later, get back to their friendship as it was before, or at least close to it.
"I really should. I haven't eaten yet, but I'm not terribly worried about it. I think I'd rather work a bit more and then take an actual lunch in a little while." She preferred taking it slightly later, as if she ventured out, it wasn't quite as crowded with everyone taking their lunch break about the same time. "I'll talk to you later though, yeah? And... I promise, we'll get through this. You're too dear to me not to," she admitted softly, willing Callie to understand and believe that.
Calypso moved to stand when Astoria said that she was going to leave. It was rude not to walk someone to the floo, door, or at least hug them goodbye if they were apparating. She nodded her head at her friend’s words, a tired smile gracing her features as she reached a hand up to push her glasses just the fraction of an inch that they’d slipped down her nose. “Thank you.” Then, without any warning because it was Callie, she hugged Astoria. There wasn’t any underlying tones to it or anything, it was just a hug. A relief that she hadn’t lost one of her oldest friend’s. “I love you too.” She said in a soft, teasing voice. She wasn’t meaning it in the in love sort of way. She just generally loved her friend and cared for her. Calypso never had issues sharing that sort of love.
She pulled away almost as fast as she had hugged her. “I’ll let you go. I’ve got a few things I wanted to do out by the pool. Some notes Blaise gave me on my training… He thinks I’m really getting somewhere, I don’t feel like I’m getting anywhere.” Calypso gave a slightly defeated sigh, “I’m thinking I might use the time that we’re in the country house to focus on it,” As well as focusing on her health and attempting to get a better body than Oya. She was being ridiculous but it had sounded like a good idea after the breakup. Why not try to make herself better? Even if it was just a fraction better.
The hug surprised her a little bit, but after a brief moment, Astoria returned it, hoping that it was a sign that she and Callie could get back to their friendship. And even hearing her say she loved her too... it didn't feel like there were heavy undertones to it, and she took comfort in that.
"Of course. It takes time and a lot of work. You'll get there," she assured her. It took some people years to become a successful animagi, so she thought Callie shouldn't be so hard on herself. "I think it's a wonderful thing to focus on." And with one more nod, she turned and left the study. She would give it a little more time before she reached out to Callie to do things together as friends again, but she definitely was hopeful they could get there.