RP: Do you find me attractive?
Who: Lancelot & Quin When: April 7th (backdated) Where: Lancelot's Home What: Sex Talk Warnings: Talk of sex and their future
The fact that Quin had never watched an Indiana Jones movie was a tragedy that Lancelot was going to be sure that he corrected. While it was probably not on the list of approved places for Uncle Pug, Lancelot had invited the entire little family over to watch the movie at his own home. It was easier than lugging his projector around from house to house, besides he had en entire room that he devoted to watching movies like this. He much preferred his home theater to the real movie theaters the muggles used. It was homey.
The walls had been extended before they had come over so that it was the size of a normal movie theater. Instead of chairs in front of the big screen, there were two large couches that were more than big enough for the little family to be able to sit side by side to watch the movies. He had even asked his friend for some of the Tiki decorations they’d used a few months previously for a Hawaiian Luau. He had a few of his fake palms from work in the room, draped with Christmas lights that were dimly lit. It was to help make the movie a little less scary for the little blonde that would be seated between Lancelot and her mother. He wasn’t entirely sure if the movie was age appropriate for her, but he was hoping. He thought she might get a kick out of it.
Since he hadn’t bothered to detach, he was sure that his fireplace that opened directly into this room was still connected to Quin’s. It was how he was assuming she was arriving with the kids, while he was finishing up treats. He had some peanut butter ball cookies, a few gummy Indiana Jones hats, and a giant bucket filled with popcorn that he intended to share with everyone. He even made them all chocolate malts, though he had juice and things just in case. His back was to the fireplace as he busied himself setting out the treats on a table in front of the large sofa. He even had a few blankets along the back of it, just in case they got cold.
Quin was largely disconnected from a lot of muggle things. It had not been in her family's interests for her to become well acquainted with fhem. Apart from that, her families, both of them, were pureblood and so were among much of the last people to become fluent with the technology that was slowly becoming available.
Quin showed up through the fireplace and Nancy followed with Auri a moment later. It was much easier to have two runs than trying to Shepherd two small children through at once.
"I'm just dropping off," Nancy told Lancelot with a smile. "Unless you all need anything?" She offered. She was a sweet soul, both smart and protective, and always offered more help than she was obligated to.
Auri took off for Lancelot immediately, small arms going around him in a hug. He was one of her favorite people these days.
Lancelot waved off Nancy, “You get nights off too. I’ve got this covered, I promise.” The wards were up to snuff. He had been sure to pull some strings to disconnect from the floo network for the night, the only person that would be allowed to get in or out was Tim and the family. Safety had been his biggest concern.
When Auri came running to him, he bent down just in time to scoop her up into his arms and held her on his hip so that she might be able to hug his neck. She was just a little horizontally challenged, much like her mother. “Do you happen to know what an explorer is?” He asked the little, before his attention slipped to Quin. He headed across the room to her, smiling as he stole a quick kiss. It was so comfortable to do, especially now that he knew that Quin understood. He was in it for the long haul.
“You look beautiful, I prepared all the best snacks for the movie night. A lot of chocolates, popcorn, and things.” Lancelot was fairly proud of the snacks he had planned for the night. He realized he may have gone a little overboard but he was willing to experience the consequences.
Nancy flashed him a smile. "All right. You all have fun, now! Text if you need me." She paused to give Quin and Felix a hug, the fondness she felt for everyone evident.
Auri laughed happily as he scooped her up, and she threw her arms around his neck and hugged him, pressing a kiss to his cheek. And then, at his question, the little girl started to sing him the theme song of Dora the Explorer.
"That's my fault! I'm sorry!" Nancy called with a laugh from where she'd just picked up some floo powder so she could get back home again. "We've been watching an episode at my flat every now and again. She's got an ear for the songs." Then the younger woman flooed away, still laughing softly.
Quin tipped her head up for the kiss, hugging him with her free arm. "Just this old dress," she said with a faint laugh as she released him. "Well, just be prepared for someone to be a bit wild before she crashes," she advised as he listed the snacks. He'd learn one way or another but she wasn't unduly concerned.
Lancelot waved goodbye as Nancy disappeared into the fireplace, he hoped they wouldn’t have to text her. He was hoping that there would be no problems. And really, short of someone just spontaneously combusting, he couldn’t see a reason why they’d need her. The house had been kid proofed, at least the room they would be sleeping in was kid proofed.
The song was adorable, though he had to admit he hated the show. He’d caught it once, he had never understood how just screaming at a fox swiper no swiping would keep him from robbing her, and what parent lets their tiny human adventure the world like a grown explorer? He’d show the real thing, without the old man rant that would have come first if Quin or anyone else had made the comparison. Auri got a pass, she was too young to know good movies. He was sure of it.
“Indiana Jones is sort of like Dora, but he’s a grown up that can cross streets without needing to hold someone’s hand.” He told Auri with an excited look, grinning as he looked over at Quin. “Sorry.” He mouthed to her, just in case she didn’t like his jokes.
“You look beautiful.” He would probably tell her that every single day they had together. Even if he’d seen whatever outfit she wore that day, he’d seen a hundred times before. He doubted he’d ever get used to her beauty. “I will be very prepared. What usually happens?” He looked to Auri then, one hand on her stomach and still. “Do you try to eat people? Is that how wild you go?!” He looked shocked with mock horror, and then he tickled her. Candy would get her riled up already, he saw no harm in continuing to rile her up. Just a little.
Quin just grinned faintly, rather bemused. She'd not seen this Dora person but she knew that Nancy would never deliberately show the children anything she thought was bad for them. She let her bring them to her flat sometimes to watch television or play.
"Chaos and bedlam," the woman half-joked.
"I don't eat people!" Auri declared before he started tickling her. She shrieked with childish laughter, curling up on herself in his arms, clinging to him as she did so.
Lancelot chuckled at the shrieking, stopping after a few moments when it seemed it was harder for Auri to catch her breath. He didn’t need to make the pass out from laughter. He grinned and moved to set her down then, ruffling her blonde locks as he did so. It was definitely something he shouldn’t do to a little girl with such long hair, but he’d never learn.
“Alright, now that we’ve deduced that Auri is not a cannibal, I think we can sit down to watch the movie. What do you guys think?” He asked Quin, as he slid an arm around her waist and stole just one more kiss. He couldn’t help himself. He always wanted to touch her, even just subtle things like holding hands.
"I think it's a good idea," Quin said with a faint smile still on her lips as she moved to first put Felix in a pen she'd given to Lancelot. He was still crawling and pulling himself up on things and she honestly expected him to start walking any day now. If they were going to be distracted by something, it was best to keep him somewhere safe like that.
Then she leaned up and put her slim hand around the back of his neck and pressed her lips gently against his again. Then she tugged on his hand to get him to go to the sofa where Auri was already settling and asking if she could have some of this or that or that.
Lancelot followed Quin to the couch, chuckling as Auri was asking about what she could start. “You can have whatever you like, tonight is a special night. It’s movie night.” He had wanted to say family movie night, he just didn’t know what was overstepping his bounds yet. He knew that Quin wore his promise ring but he knew nothing was a guarantee until you were married. He wanted to always follow Quin’s lead, they were her children.
Thankfully he had already set everything up already, prior to them arriving. He bent forward to grab a little bowl, filling it with a few of the things that Auri had asked for, mostly just the candies that would be able to go into a bowl together. It was all finger food. He handed that bowl over to the little, before he made another bowl for just himself and Quin. Once he had passed that one off to Quin, he sat back and used his wand to extinguish the lights and start the projector. His little brownstone seemed to turn into a little theater for the little family. Sound surrounded them, while the movie rolled on the white screen in front of them. There was just enough light for everyone to see in front of them, Felix in his pen with his toys, and the table filled with candy and treats.
Auri sat, happily munching on things from her bowl, as the movie started. Quin curled up on the couch as well, her own bowl next to her, and she flashed a smile over at Lancelot, reaching a hand up along the back of the couch to caress his shoulder gently.
Then her attention was riveted to the screen. She'd watched very minimal television even since it had become more acceptable in the wizarding world. Maybe even more so than Auri, she was a bit enthralled by the story and how it played out on the screen in front of them.
Lancelot was thrilled to share the movie with, what he was beginning to think of as his, little family. He was thrilled to watch them, seeing their reactions to seeing everything for the first time. He stole popcorn and treats as he pleased from whoever he pleased, Auri tended to get it most because he was trying to distract her anytime something he thought might be a bit too scary came on the screen.
As it came to a close though, he grinned at the girls. “What’d you two think?” He asked curiously as he shifted on the couch so that he could slip his arm along the back of it, and a bit around Quin. “I have another movie that’s more kid friendly, if we needed something a bit… Less exciting just before bed?”
Auri was mostly riveted, as much as a child her age could be, eyes large and fixed on the adventure on the screen in front of her. Quin was a bit fascinated herself, though she took times to watch him watch it, because it was obviously one of his favorites and she liked watching his epressions change.
She turned her head and pressed her cheek lightly against part of his arm even as Auri jumped up, declaring herself an adventurer like Indy. Quin chuckled softly because she'd rather expected something like this at some point.
"Yes, less exciting might be just the ticket after we lose a little bit of energy," she said.
Lancelot loved that Auri had enjoyed the movie so much. Her excitement and energy were amusing. He chuckled as he nodded, “We will be sure to take a few, I promise.” He was thinking already about a trip to Disney with them. He wondered if Tim would come along, of course he’d invite him and anyone he might be with at the time. He didn’t know if Tim were dating, but he might have a friend he’d want to bring along. He thought it’d be a fun trip for the whole family, maybe even loosen Tim up a bit.
“Alright, alright. A less exciting cartoon.” He got up from the couch then so that he could put away the movie they had just watched and switched the reel that was in his projector. This time it was Lady and the Tramp, one of his favorites from childhood. As he settled back on the couch, he lifted his wand and with a flick all of the treats were on their way to the kitchen to put themselves away. There was no need to give her more sweets for the rest of the night.
“I’d like to introduce you two to Lady and the Tramp.” He glanced at little Felix in his pen. “I don’t think he counts, he might not remember it.”
While Lancelot busied himself with putting the new movie in, Quin let Auri run around a bit and burn some of the excess of energy, and she rose and went over to Felix, who started chanting mama at her and waving his arms. He managed to pull himself standing on the edge of his pen, though he'd yet to really take any independent steps. Quin wasn't worried, however. He'd do it soon.
"He doesn't in this, really, but he'll enjoy the movements." She picked up the boy and hefted him easily onto her hip and walked over to press a kiss to Lancelot's temple. "But we'll be back in a moment, if you'll watch Auri?" she asked. Though at home she'd just nurse on the couch, she'd always excused herself so far with Lancelot, mostly because she was very uncertain how he'd feel if she just opened her dress and let Felix nurse just anywhere.
She drifted back to the doorway after a few moments, though, leaning against the doorway so she could watch the cute little cartoon and also the man who was cuddling her daughter next to him. Felix was getting rather heavy to do this like this, but it was all right, because she knew soon he'd be weaned completely. Even now it was mostly a morning and evening thing, when he woke and when he went to bed.
Lancelot never minded when Quin left, he just never understood why she left. He knew that they had not fooled around, he knew he had not really pressed the issue. When she excused herself now, it was just the same as usual, he sat back next to Auri and they settled in as the movie started. He had noticed a slight yawn, his arm had moved around her shoulders and he was slowly leaning her against his side so that she might fall asleep better once she was tired enough to.
He was watching the movie until he heard the sound of the old man cat rubbing against a table that had a bum leg caught his attention. He never got the table fixed, the cat always rubbed against it. He turned his head to glance at the cat, it just so happened to be the same direction that Quin was in. He couldn’t help it, he smiled because she was absolutely beautiful. She looked some sort of painting. He didn’t look long, just gave her warm smile before he patted the spot on the other side of him. “Come sit out next to me. You’re missing the best parts.” He was doing his best to make it sound natural, to keep her calm so that she might not run from him. It did make him realize, they might need to have a talk.
Her family had been conservative purebloods, to start. It left her as someone who tended to be conservative in certain things, though she'd obviously found her own way with others. She was comfortable enough nursing in front of her brother or her late husband or a few select friends who she knew for a fact wouldn't mind. But anyone else she tended to excuse herself.
She didn't immediately realize he was looking at her, because her attention was rather on the cartoon with was engaging and sweet. Perhaps Nancy had a point about some of the cartoons she'd talked about. Her cheeks did flush pink when she saw, and she glanced shyly down, but she didn't duck away. A hand gently stroked Fee's slowly darkening hair, still baby fine under her fingers.
She hesitated a moment and then soundlessly drifted over an eased onto the couch next to him, curling into his side and letting her baby curl into her more contentedly, sleepily. She was self conscious and didn't quite look at him as was her wont when this happened, but she was also content. This felt nice. Nursing always made her calmer anyway, and now wasn't much different.
It was so easy. She walked right in and sat as though she did this all the time. He knew she did, though it just usually wasn't with him present. He was thrilled that she was comfortable enough to come out and sit with him.
His one arm slipped around her shoulders, hand resting on her shoulder. His other was wrapped around Auri still. Another yawn slipping from the small blond. Then, there was that tug. He had felt it a few times now and he was getting closer to identifying the feeling. It was that tug and tightening of his heart strings. That feeling that he identified as love. That feeling that made him wish for them to be permanently his family. It was this feeling that had prompted him to buy not just her promise ring but also the engagement ring that sat in the top drawer of his library desk. Just waiting for when she told him that she was ready for marriage.
Lancelot settled in then, watching the movie and just enjoying the moment he had never known he had wanted before this moment.
Sometimes all Quin needed was an invitation. Or for someone to explicitly lay something out for her, the dos and don'ts. She was decent at reading people, especially for anger and emotional cues, it was a way to keep herself safe. But not everything was laid out ike that.
She rested her head on his shoulder and watched her daughter curl up into Lancelot's other side, fighting against sleep and failing slowly, leaning trustingly into his side. It made her happy to see how much Auri loved Lancelot. Maybe it should scare her but it didn't.
She automatically buttoned back up when Fee was done. The boy, curved between them and cushioned against her curves, quickly fell to sleep once full. "I think they're both asleep," she whispered after a few minutes, a little amused even if she was a bit tired herself.
It was so easy, she was curled up against him and they were comfortable. He was pretty proud that he had not somehow mucked up the entire thing. When she spoke though, he gave a soft laugh as he looked between the children that were now on either side of him. “Should I carry her to bed?” He asked in a soft tone, not wanting to wake the children. He had a feeling if he woke Auri up, with all that sugar, she might be wired for a few more hours still. He definitely didn’t want that.
“If you wanted to lay him down at the same time, we could probably pull it off. What do you think Mum?” He wasn’t ever going to make the decisions for her, at least not currently. They weren’t married and these were her kids, he was always trying his best to be respectful. Maybe that should be part of their talk as well..
"Can't promise it will work but we can try," she said softly so she wouldn't wake either of them up. She carefully leveled herself upright under the ever heavier weight of her son. He was going to grow bigger much faster than Auri had, she knew he would make
She followed him back to where he'd set up beds for them, unable to keep from smiling slightly as she watched Lancelot carry her sleeping daughter so carefully. It warmed her heart so very much.
And then she carefully set Fee down and leaned in to press a kiss first to his head and then to Auri's, murmuring soft good night's to them as she always did.
Lancelot let Quin get up first, before he moved to scoop up the littlest bug and cradled her to his chest before he started on his way to the room with Quin. He didn’t notice that she was watching, he was too concerned about not waking the sleeping child. He felt very much like he was in a tomb, trying to figure out which way to go that didn’t hold certain death. He very slowly and carefully shifted her weight to his one arm before he was pulling back blankets and laying her down gently in the grown-up guest bed. He had used his magic prior to their arrival to bring it closer to the ground so that if she rolled out, she wouldn’t hurt herself. He didn’t know how big her bed at home was.
Once she had been successfully tucked in, complete with a moment of hesitation where he’d wanted to kiss her forehead but he didn’t know if it was okay or not. Another thing to add to the list, she was going to think they were fighting or something at this rate. Hey, Quin I just want to talk. He was going to scare her to death, he was sure of it.
He slipped from the room a moment later, waiting for Quin just outside the door. His hand slipped easily into her’s, bringing their joined hands to his lips, he pressed a kiss to her knuckles. “I was thinking of making some hot chocolate for us adults, what do you say?”
He handled Auri so gently and also with the caution of someone who had no idea how heavily asleep the small child was. Though there weer times that Quin did the same thing because she didn't want her daughter or son to wake up.
"Success!" She informed him in a whisper once they were safely outside. She'd had him do several charms for her before and she had a magical baby monitor already in the room. She'd know of something happened and be able to come running.
"Hot chocolate sounds wonderful, thank you," she said as they moved away from the door.
Lancelot knew if he didn't keep subtly reminding himself that they needed to talk about the elephants in the room, he'd forget about them. Quin seemed to have that effect on him. There was just something about the way she made such small moments, so intimate. She had made putting the children to bed and whispering her success into something where he wanted to kiss her, hold her, and he knew he had to do as he had asked. Hot chocolate.
His arm looped easily around her waist, he never had problems touching or holding her. It was just apparently with sex that he had problems broaching the subject. As they made their way into the kitchen, he didn't pull away from her until they were near the fridge. It was then that he kissed her forehead, and then opened his pantry to get out the cocoa mix.
"So, I was thinking." He said as he went about grabbing a pan so that he could start it boiling. He wasn't very good at making hot chocolate but it was one of the things he knew how to do. "We should, probably, talk about boundaries and where you want to set them. I never realized we had not done that previously." Okay, so he had but he had thought that he had more time before this talk was needed. He had thought there was never a million years in which he'd be thinking marriage, kids, and all of that. It was all so bizarre.
She leaned lightly against him as they moved, comfortable especially since they were in private. The most private, at the moment, that they ever had aside from the times he whisked her away somewhere.
She watched him as he started to make the cocoa. It was so novel for someone to make something even this simple for her, and as odd as it felt, she also enjoyed it. She wasn't asking to be spoiled, she never expected it, but something small like this was ever so nice.
Quin did look at him a little blankly when he spoke though, blinking as she tried to process the words. "Like.... what, Lancelot? I'm not certain what you're saying," she said tentatively.
Lancelot shot her a smile, his wand was away and he was preparing it all by hand. His father had taught him so no wands were needed. While everything heated up, he went about pulling down two mugs. One had a picture of him and his grumpy old man cat, the other had a picture of a dinosaur that once hot water was poured inside would turn into a skeleton. They were set on the counter.
"With sex, with the children, with things like breastfeeding. I liked that you were comfortable enough to do that tonight, it's a very natural thing and I want you to feel comfortable to be yourself." He figured they would address it all in whatever order she wanted. He was leaving it open to her. He was doing his best to portray a calm and comfortable, this wasn't a conversation that needed stress. They were adults, they could do this.
Quin started to slowly flush bright, bright red, her eyes immediately going to her mug as her fingers wrapped around it so they'd have something to do other than pluck or twist nervously. It wasn't that she couldn't have adult conversations; she could and did all the time. It was simply that she tended to avoid sensitive subjects, instead trying to figure out what other people wanted and then doing it. Or not, depending on things.
"I just don't know who is comfortable with me doing that or not," she murmured to her cup, latching onto the breast feeding thing. "Some people don't like it." And it wasn't as if they were having sex, so she didn't want to seem like a trollop by showing them and then not having sex.
Lancelot considered what she said, completely understanding how not everyone would be okay with it. While everything was warming up, he made his way over to her and leaned against the counter next to her. One hand even reached out to take her's, gently squeezing.
"Well, thankfully we are talking about everything now so you and I can be on the same page." He just hoped that she would continue to talk about it all. "Where would you like to start? Children, adult time, or our living situation?"
She let him have her hand but her eyes, as usual, stayed glued to pretty much anything but his. She could play hostess and do things professionally, she'd been taught how to do all of that. But she'd had very little socialization growing up, outside of her family. So intimate relationships were a completely foreign thing on the whole. Ambrose had had serious talks with her but she was always terribly awkward.
She looked down, away, fidget ed with her cup. "I don't know," she said softly. "What about the children?" Might as well talk about something she felt somewhat confident in.
Lancelot nodded his head then, "Alright. Children. Let's talk about them, where are the bounds? How do you want me to act?" He wanted to know just what his bounds would be.
He squeezed her hand again, bringing it to his lips to press a kiss to the back of her hand. "I love them. I want to be involved and I want to be a parent figure, but only once you're ready for me to do that. I won't overstep but I need you to communicate with me about what you want... it does help if you look at me too." He said it teasingly, his smile playful.
"I... want you to act how you act," she said somewhat helplessly. "I love how you are with the children, Lancelot. You care for them and you don't talk down to them." Her gaze darted very fleeting up to his and away again, unable to stay there very long at all. She'd never be someone with a confrontational stare except in very rare circumstances.
"You know you can discipline them when they misbehave." Within reason but he'd never been unreasonable thus far. "I... I mean. If you're serious like you said, I want you to be their other parent."
Lancelot nodded his head then, having smiled at her when she did meet his eyes. "I can do that. I would really like to do that. I'm very serious about you and about us.." he went a bit quiet then, that settled that subject. Now what about the next two? Which to start with?
"I know that we may not be far enough along to be living together but I want to at least give you keys and complete access to my home anytime you'd like." He knew it was maybe moving fast. They had only been together since what, November? Maybe December? He didn't want to rush this but he did really miss when he didn't sleep next to her.
She nodded, still not looking back up. It wasn't personal. Even with her brother she retreated like this sometimes; it was simply much more rare with family because she'd known them so much longer. Her comfort level with so many things had expanded rapidly with Lancelot, but she still had her obstacles. And if he was uncertain with the children, she was sure he'd ask her.
Quin sipped at her hot cocoa to give her something different to do for a moment. "You already have complete access to my home," she whispered. He knew he was welcome at any time. She'd made sure he was allowed through the wards with no restrictions. He didn't need keys if he could apparate. He was probably the only person outside of Timmy and ZJ and Nancy who had that level of access. "You're always welcome there."
It clicked suddenly, she had not actually given him an answer really. He shifted nervously, it was too early to be thinking about living together. That had to be why she didn't adress the issue at all. Right?
"It's too early for the rest?" He nodded his head a bit, asking but not entirely sure if she was agreeing or not and he didn't really know the words to ask. "Quin, what do you want? You..." He moved away then to put the hot chocolate drinks together. He returned then, and held his hand out for her's. "Do you want to go sit together? We can talk more while we drink the hot chocolates."
Yes, she really wasn't good with this. Doing she was decent at. Talking about it, not as much. And she didn't know what she'd missed, what he wanted from her. This wasn't something she knew how to do.
"I..." she glanced up, peeked really, feeling completely helpless to know what he was really asking. Or what she was missing. She had no self confidence in this. It had taken Ambrose a lot of work to get her to figure some of it out in the past. She wasn't used to having to talk about such things.
So she fell silent, frustrated not with him but with herself, but she slipped her hand trustingly into his and let him lead her wherever he wanted, head still down, focused more on her toes than anything else as they went to the other room.
As they entered the living room, he sat back down with her on the couch. His fingers laced together with hers a moment, squeezing her hand. "Are you not looking at me because you don't want to do this?" He asked, needing to know why she couldn't look at him. He wanted to be sure it wasn't because she didn't want to be doing this, talking about living together. He just knew he wasn't getting any younger and he wanted to spend his time with her. If she would have him.
"We can talk about something else but I would like to come back to this." He knew he was chickening out but he didn't like upsetting her and that was all he could read from her body language.
Quin curled up in the sofa, unconsciously making herself smaller. It was a situation where she couldn't tell what he wanted and that always made her anxious even though he personally had never given her cause to worry in that front.
She blew out a long, soft breath. "I'm sorry," she said in a soft voice. "It's not that I don't want to talk. It's that I don't... I'm not... I'm not used to it. I'm not good at it." Most of a lifetime of conditioning to do or not do some things wasn't easily broken though her late husband had made some significant progress before his death.
Lancelot gave a bit of a shrug. "If it helps, I've not a clue in the world what I'm doing. I rarely do, I just know that I want us to move forward and I feel like we are a bit stuck." He let out a soft sigh, because he had to get one thing off his chest. "I admit that a lot of it for selfish reasons and I feel a bit like..." he didn't know the word for it. Perverted maybe? But he knew he wanted to talk about sex, or the lack there of. He wasn't in any rush, he just knew he couldn't live forever without. It was a normal part of any relationship and it gave him panic that she still didn't want that with him. What if she found someone that just did it for her? Someone younger, perhaps?
He finally seemed to gather his thoughts then, "Please know that I'm okay with waiting, which i doubt it will seem that way once I'm done but I swear, I'm perfectly happy to wait. I wanted to talk about sex though, about if you will ever feel comfortable enough with me to? Hell," He gave her a slightly sad smile, he was trying to make light of the situation even if his face was a bit pink with a blush. "If you even want to." He gave a slight shrug, looking now at his own lap. "And I am a terrible person for bringing it up. We aren't married, we haven't been together very long... I know I'm rushing things, aren't I? You can tell me to stop and slow down. Here I want to live with you and you're not even ready to sleep together." And his face grew more red, he had talked to himself and apparently came to all sorts of conclusions on his own. He looked up at her then, apparently it was all wearing on his ego more than he realized.
"I'm sorry, I really should stop talking. We can do something else. I have other movies, maybe some music?" He just needed to fill the silence because he felt like an utter fool.
Her eyes were slowly drawn back to his face, and they were wide and full if a mix of guilt and alarm when he finally finished speaking. Yes, she'd definitely messed up somewhere, and she felt just awful about it. She set aside the cups and reached out to take his hands in her small, delicate hands.
"Lancelot," she said, sounding about as helpless as she currently felt. "None of this is your fault. Please don't." She felt so bad that he'd apparently been holding all of this in. He'd never pushed her, never asserted himself, and in this sort of personal thing she was someone who never took the lead.
Her attempt at a smile wobbled horribly, and she raised his hands to press a kiss to each one like he did her sometimes. "I'm sorry, Lancelot. You never... and I don't know how... I just..." She tried to take a breath, her words all jumbled in a way she nearly stuttered like his friend Ewan.
That also meant tears were only half a step behind because she just wasn't good with this kind of thing, and oh she didn't want to be such a baby and cry for no good reason. "You're not rushing things," she said, trying not to stutter. Trying not to cry. "I j-j-just don't know how to handle this." Or initiate anything more than the affection she'd slowly been able to start showing him over the last few months.
When Quin started to stutter, Lancelot wrapped his arms around her and held her close. "I don't think anyone is any good at this type of thing. You have to open yourself up and prepare to be hurt if they don't feel the same." Which was what he was attempting to do.
"What do you want?" He asked her in a soft tone. "Do you want to keep waiting for certain things? Do you want to be with me? I... don't know, I need to start hearing what you need and want. I cab keep guessing. I get worried, especially when snogging, over what would be too far." He moved one hand to rub her back then, "Please, don't cry?" He asked softly, cheeks still pink.
She curled into him when he wrapped her in his arms, pretty much shifting into his lap and pressing her face into the crook of his neck. She was trying not to cry, honest she was, but it wasn't quite working. Tears were always her emotional safety valve of sorts and she had no real control over it.
But it was embarrassing that something so normal was so difficult for her to do that it made her cry.
"I'm sorry," she apologized again, far from the first time at this point. "I do want you, I do. I wouldn't be here otherwise." No, without saying the word she would have managed to discourage him. More than she had inadvertently already, anyway, she thought disparagingly.
"I don't mind if we have sex, I don't. It's fine." She honestly couldn't say why she hadn't with him, she didn't know her own reasoning but if it was what he wanted, she'd give it to him. "I just ... don't know what to say or do like this. I've never dated anyone before, Lancelot. Ever. I married my husband the third time I saw him. I knew what was expected of me as a wife. I don't know how to be a girlfriend." The words came out in a rush and then a trickle, the pauses and pacing incredibly awkward especially since her head never lifted from where she'd put it moments before.
Lancelot held her as she buried her face in his neck. He reached one hand up to rub up her back, listening as she spoke. He listened until she finished talking, he wanted to hear all of it. He wanted to hear just what it was what she wanted. He bit his lower lip, nodding his head a bit as he turned his head to press a kiss to the top of her head. “I want you to want to have sex,” Lancelot said softly, “Not just give in because I’m asking about it.” Because that was a very real fear of his, that she would just go along with it and not actually enjoy it. “It’s supposed to be something you enjoy doing, with someone that you care about. If it won’t make you happy… We don’t have to do it.”
“The only thing that I ever expect from you is for you to be yourself, for you to only do the things that you enjoy doing and want to do.” He licked his lips, “That’s it. I don’t know what I’m doing with all of this. I just know that if we didn’t talk about it, I would regret it. I want us to move forward and I feel like we’re stuck in place right now. Things aren’t bad at all but I just… I want more, I hate when I have to leave you. I hate when the weekend is over and it’s all I can think about during the week.”
"I do, I just..." Her hands fluttered uncertainly in her lap. She wasn't sure he understood precisely why she was so uncertain. But though she was a woman grown, with her own household, with two children of her own... she'd never dated. She'd never just snogged someone. She'd never figured out how to make that step. In some ways she was as innocent as a young teenager, fumbling around with a boy for the first time. In some ways, she wasn't. But the oddest things put stumbling blocks in her path. But she didn't have the words to explain or articulate. She made a sound of frustration, staring at her fists in her lap. She wanted hi to understand she wasn't saying no, but she also didn't know how to say yes.
Or that there were times all she wanted to do was snog him on the sofa like teenagers might. Because she'd never done that, and she wanted to kiss him like that. But she didn't know how to initiate, or if he'd be willing to put on the brakes if she got overwhelmed, so in that way, they had ended up in a stalemate. She'd only started initiating the kisses in the past month or so. "I don't know how to say it," she said plaintively, looking up at him finally with a mixture of frustration and guilt and unhappiness that she was making him unhappy.
"I want you around all the time," she said, softly but firmly. "I would love more than just the weekend and an evening or two during the week. I want you to be part of my family. I want to be who you come home to. I know it... can be boring. The kids are little. I have a routine with them. I can't just go out and have fun. But I'd like you at the dinner table, and I'd like you when I go to bed at night." It was as plain as she could figure out how to say it. But on the flip side, she also couldn't just come over to him like most women could. She had her kids. A night like this? Okay. But most nights they needed their own beds, and their own routines.
Lancelot did listen to all of it. He wanted to hear what she felt. He was patient when she wasn’t able to find her words. He was out of his own depth with all of this but he knew that if he asked her what she felt, and told her how he wanted to know how she felt, he had to be patient and listen to her.
The urge to kiss her when she had looked at him and said she didn’t know how to say it had been overwhelming in that moment, but he had been able to restrain himself. He felt a sense of relief slide over him as she said that she wanted him more than just the weekends, and he was assuming that her saying she wanted him when she went to bed at night potentially to mean (in her delicate way) that she was attracted to him. That, that wasn’t what was keeping them from being intimate. That had maybe been one of his biggest fears, he wasn’t exactly worried that they had not had sex yet because he needed sex like some sort of fiend. He had been terrified that he really was too old, that she wasn’t sexually attracted to him. It had been nagging at him and it felt so good to hear that wasn’t the case.
“Then why are we waiting?” He asked her in a playful whisper, his hand coming up to cup her cheek. “I know you can’t always just drop things to come by. I know that you have a routine and I don’t care.” He gave a soft, almost relieved, laugh. “I like that my life has changed a bit drastically since I met you.” He rubbed the pad of his thumb over her cheek, bending his head in to steal a kiss. “I love you, Quintella. You have no idea how good it feels to hear you say that you want the same things I do.” He let another little sigh of relief, it really was a weight off his shoulders.
“I promise that I’ll wait, on everything, if you need me to. I love being able to snog on the couch like teenagers,” He licked his lips, he knew he was approaching dangerous territory. “If you’re okay with it, I’d like to keep pushing the envelope there? If you tell me no, I’ll back off and we can do whatever you like from there.” Because he really wanted to kiss her right then, he wanted to hold her close, and snog like the teens they acted like when the kids went to bed.
She was relieved that he didn't seem to mind her boring, routine life. She liked the routine, though she also liked it when he surprised her with something. "I just don't want to bore you to death, Lancelot," she murmured. She knew it was vastly different from his regular life. She leaned into his touch, the kiss, just a bit. "I love you too," she murmured very softly.
There was no way she thought him too old. He didn't realize, she thought, that he was much younger than her late husband had been. It didn't bother her. Besides, it wasn't as if he was actually that much older than her. He just seemed to think of it differently. But then, she'd been raised a witch; of course she didn't find it old.
"I don't mind," she said. "So long as you don't mind if I do have to... stop sometimes?" Because it was all new territory in some ways. Oh, she had sex plenty, with Ambrose, especially before he'd gotten sick. That wasn't the worry. It was pleasing him, figuring out how to be okay with initiating things, to navigate something so new for her.
"I don't think that you could ever bore me." He was genuine about that too, while she may have had her routines? Things were still fresh and exciting.He had never been around children like this before, he had little experience in that area. There were things about her too, he was discovering new things all the time. It was just a few weeks back that they had discovered that they had been debating for years, long before they had ever met. It was a story that he had told a few colleagues, boasting about his fantastic girlfriend. Though that word just didn't seem to convey the very seriousness of their situation he thought. She was his Quin, his beautiful glowing angel. He would find the right word one day, he was sure of it.
When she said it back, his heart may have burst. He tried to not look like a giddy five year old but it was written all over his face. He had a goofy smile, his blue eyes lit up. He had known, in one of those intimate ways, that she loved him. It was in the way she moved, the way she held herself around him, the way she treated him. It just felt so good to hear it.
Lancelot shook his head, "I don't mind, that's natural. I never want you to go through with anything because you think I want you to. I want you to go through with everything because you want to." He would have felt terrible knowing that she had only done something for him. He cared too much about her to let that happen.
He was so handsome when he looked like that. Not that he wasn't normally. But it added another layer to his good looks, and it made her smile. She loved seeing him that happy. She couldn't help but lean in and place a kiss on the corner of his smiling lips.
She captured her lower lip between her teeth and nodded slowly. It was against her nature to please but she would try, for him. "I know. I know," she said, and she cupped his cheek with her hand. "I try, I promise." And then she kissed him again, this time shyly but more firmly.
A soft chuckle left him when she kissed him, he turned his head to steal a quick kiss. His nose may have even nudged gently against her's, his eyes much softer. He absolutely loved that she was comfortable enough to say it. He wanted to make a large deal about it but he didn't want to embarrass her or something. He was perfectly okay working at her pace, so long as he knew there was an end goal that involved him in her life. He didn't want to lose her.
When she kissed him again, he tipped his head just a bit to deepen the kiss. His hands moved so that he could wrap his arms around her, pulling her into his lap. He wanted her there, against him and with him. He wanted to celebrate their exchange by snogging on the couch. It sounded like the absolute best way to celebrate to Lancelot.
She'd hoped he'd take the quiet, subtle invitation. She wasn't good at invitations or such for this kind of thing. Quin slid into his lap, her arms wrapping more firmly around his neck. Her mouth opened slightly against his and she sighed against his lips.
She'd always wanted, especially since he'd come into her life, to snog on the couch like a pair of teenagers. She'd never ever had that and she'd always wanted to enjoy it, if possible. Snogging was, in her opinion, pretty much the funnest thing.
When he felt her mouth open slightly, his own tongue slid out to move against her own. His hands came down to settle on her lower back, pressing her against him as he held her close. He loved feeling her body against his chest. She was so petite and she just fit so well.
Dresses made it harder for Lancelot to do his usual moves, the ones he was used to with some of the women he had dated. While snogging he would slip a hand under their top to touch their back, or maybe their side. With her dress he had limited options to make the snogging just a fraction more intimate. He was trying to take it in stages, to find her stopping point for the night. He was just in no rush to hurry to that point.
She shivered and moaned very quietly into his mouth. She enjoyed his kisses, enjoyed it the few times they'd gotten to this point. Her mouth moved against his, slow and thorough, not unskilled just unfamiliar. She'd always loved the snogging and foreplay the best, really, anything with the mouths like this. Proper intercourse she was a bit more meh about, but the other stuff could be fun.
Her body arched slightly into his, slowly relaxing against him. A lot of it was comfort with things, letting something other than her worrisome, anxious brain take over. Quin's hands carded into his hair slowly as she kissed him, fingers skimming along his scalp, letting him take the lead as her tongue tangled with his.
Hearing that soft moan sent a shiver down his spine. It sounded so beautiful and soft. It was a very Quin noise and so attractive. He wanted to hear it again. As he kissed her, he shifted his one hand so that he could slip it just under her behind. He cupped her through the dress, holding here there against him while his free hand was at her lower back.
His tongue moved against her's, a soft moan slipping from his own lips when her hands moved through his hair. It felt so good to feel her like this. He was feeling a nervous flutter in his stomach, a nervous flutter that he wasn't used to. He had not been nervous just snogging on the couch with a woman since he was younger. It was this feeling he tended to get with Quin, he adored every second of it.
She slid forward on his lap, another soft sound escaping her as he touched her through her clothes. She could feel its warmth even through the fabric, and for once she kind of regretted wearing a dress because unless you were going to have sex, it did sort of complicate things didn't it?
And Quin had wanted to snog him like this for a while. She didn't know where to draw the line and she depended on him to do that. She couldn't say precisely why she was still drawing a line at intimacy other than she was still a bit scared, flighty, and he was willing to go along with her.
Lancelot wasn’t entirely sure just how far he was going to be allowed to go. He shifted under her, just enough so that he could move one hand to her knee. Then it slipped it up, sliding under the skirt of her dress. However, his hand stayed on the outside of her thigh, not slipping towards the center. He wanted to, how many times had he thought about it? She was his number one fantasy. It wasn’t where he was headed though, he was going to let her decide when. He had a feeling it was not this exact moment. He wanted to be able to feel her skin under his fingertips and as his hand came up to her upper thigh, just below where her hips were. He lightly scratched, but it was more just holding her. Feeling her soft skin under his fingertips and being so very close to her.
All the while his mouth was still on her’s. His lips moving against her’s, tongues pressing against each other. It was very much snogging like teens on a couch, there was even that element of the rush. Though for them it wasn’t the rush they would be caught, it was the rush that the children would wake up and ruin all the fun.
She jumped, ever so slightly, when his hand found skin and slid up her leg. It left a trail of warmth that lingered even once it was gone, and it prickled her skin with anticipation and just a little bit of fear. Not of him, not really. But it wasn't an unknown reaction for her, and she didn't pull away. And it was like she imagined it had to have been if she'd been a teenager, including her nerves.
She had to break the kiss after a few moments, and she tucked her face into his neck, a trifle overwhelmed and a little short of breath.
Lancelot had felt the jump, though he had been a gentleman and not teased her about it. She hadn’t pulled away so he hadn’t moved his hand away. He was always watching, gauging her reactions so he would know just how far was too far. He could tell easily that this was as far as she could handle for the night and he was completely okay with it.
When she did break the kiss, his hand didn’t move. He kept his hand right there, just enjoying the feeling of skin on skin contact. It was one of his favorites. He would swear that he could feel electricity between them where he touched her. The pad of his thumb rubbed against her soft skin, as his head tipped to lean against her’s. “Want to head up to bed soon?” He asked in a soft voice, nuzzling his cheek against the top of her head. “I can bring our hot chocolate, we can curl up under the covers, and get some sleep.” Just in case she thought he was asking her to go up to bed to fool around, he wanted his intentions to be clear.
Quin hesitated, bit her bottom lip, and then nodded shyly. She knew he wasn't pushing, but it didn't stop her from being rather shy. She liked the contact, it was nice, she simply just didn't know how to deal with too much at any given time, yet. It would come, in time. Her shyness would likely pass.
"That sounds very nice," she murmured softly, finding another shy smile somewhere.
Lancelot smiled as he bent his head to press a kiss to her temple. "Then let's go." He murmured softly. He moved his hand out from under her dress then, before he moved to help her up before he got up himself. Once they were standing he bent down to lift her up and into his arms. He had her legs over one arm and her back braced with his other, he was carrying her as you would a wife over the threshold. "To bed? Do you have the monitor?"
After being sure that they had everything, he carried her to his bedroom. This was always his favorite part of the night, climbing into bed with her and holding her throughout the night. He was excited by the prospect that they would be moving in together at some point and he'd be able to do that every night.
She squealed - softly, the children were in bed after all - in surprise as he picked her up. Her arms looped up around his neck as she smiled into his shoulder shyly. "Ummmm... there!" She pointed, and he bent them down enough for her to grab the crystal monitor.
And then they were able to go to bed and cuddle up together. More than anything she liked this part. She liked sleeping with his solid warmth against her back and his presence, cuddled against him safely.