Hearing it phrased that way made Theo wince, but he still couldn't accept that bringing Blaise into it wasn't selfish. It hadn't mattered how he'd gained his injuries in the past, he'd always had to deal with them alone and had always done so; he hadn't learned a glut of healing spells and charms while he'd been in St Mungo's after all. His needs should have been restricted to getting himself together, getting himself home and then healing his broken parts himself.
He was quiet though as he paid attention to what Alec was saying, even if he wasn't sure that Alec understood the situation properly - then again, he was the only one to blame for that. He hadn't heard of that particular term, and when Alec brought up sexual assault the way his mind shut down on the topic was almost audible. If he'd been vague before he was blank now, more automaton than human. He thought he hid it so well; he didn't know how people who hadn't gone through what he had would react to something like that though and so it was obvious for anyone looking out for it.
If things became too difficult for him, if the compartmentalising and stubborn forced denial wasn't working, Theo would dissociate from the situation at hand. He'd done it from time to time at school, he'd shut himself down a lot at home and when he'd been at therapy at the Janus Thickey ward there were times when they weren't really talking to him at all.
He hovered on the edge of disappearing to a safer place in his head and letting something else take care of things for now, but he owed it to Alec and to Blaise to try and stay where he was, even if it was hard, especially when Alec spoke on. He couldn't separate the incident with his former caretaker and friends with what had happened with his father those years ago suddenly and his distress showed in the way his nerve-damaged hand trembled. He understood the words Alec was saying but when they were strung together like that, when they were about him he couldn't understand it at all.
There wasn't anywhere he really felt safe, as evidenced by the way he kept an eye on his surroundings all the times, the way he charmed his room and bed when he slept at night, all in a bid to protect himself, to alert him to the attack he knew was inevitable. He couldn't connect the way he was with his father as the root cause anymore because it had become so ingrained in him to act that way.
He didn't, couldn't, respond to Alec at the pause, struggling just to stay in the room with him.
The idea of anything like this happening to Blaise or Callie shook him into panic though, although it wasn't the first time it had crossed his mind. Whenever something was wrong for anyone in his dorms, or any of his friends now that he'd graduated, Theo's mind always went to extremes as to the cause. He couldn't stop himself mapping his own issues onto everyone else's problems and it always led to him suspecting his friends of hiding a secret the way he was.
"They didn't anger anyone the way I did, they wouldn't have been as weak or as stupid. This wouldn't happen to them, and if it did they wouldn't deserve it. I can look after myself, I could have healed myself, I didn't need to make Blaise go through the trouble of looking after me at expense to himself when I could have fixed myself. I could have handled it myself. Callie and Blaise are worth more than that, they deserve help not harm. They wouldn't be selfish for needing help and I wouldn't have been damaged or harmed by giving it; I could cope with it. it didn't matter that it happened to me, it would matter if it happened to them!" he babbled, most of his thoughts just falling from his mouth uncensored the way they never were.
He only stopped talking when his cup imploded on the table like it was made of paper and a hand had crushed it, a display of random magic like he hadn't shown since he was a child. It seemed to bring him back to himself and he stared down at the pile of smashed china with wide eyes. "I... I'm sorry, I didn't... I'll fix it." he stammered, apologetic and shocked at his lack of self-control.